Al Qaeda Suicide Bombers

To Go On Strike!!!

Al Qaeda suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of “Virgins” they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda leaders have failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of “Virgins” a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut from 72 to only 45. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings, and a subsequent shortage of “Virgins” in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is very unfair."

Speaking from his lean-to in the West Midlands town of Tipton, where he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of “Virgins” in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting wages, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my members that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Essex, Glasgow and Australia stated that they would be unaffected, as there are no “Virgins” in these areas anyway !!!

Apparently, the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.


Now that Al Qaeda suicide bombers know what a “Virgin” looks like, they are no longer so keen on going to paradise!!!

Views: 150

Replies to This Discussion

Love it. Greatly satirical and worthy of the onion news.

Hilarious, Patricia - funniest news spoof I've read in ages. If the strikers are that way inclined, maybe Cliff Richard could step in and offer his charitable services. Between ourselves, I have a sneaking suspicion he doesn't qualify. There's always Madonna, in a pinch - she's better than nothing, or is she?

No virgins in Australia, best line.


© 2019   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: The Nexus Group.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service