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Atheist Humor

This is the place to post that hilarious irreligious YouTube video, an irreverent, anti-religious cartoon, or other humorous bit of media. Posts that do not reflect an atheist/irreligious theme will be deleted. (Don't make me go Old Testament.)

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Latest Activity: on Thursday

Lewis Black: The Flintstones is not a documentary.

A slightly longer version of the clip that used to be here. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGrlWOhtj3g

Discussion Forum

Aron Ra: Professional Huckster?!?

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Sep 18. 8 Replies

The Big Whoop Book

Started by Grinning Cat. Last reply by Bertold Brautigan Sep 5. 5 Replies

FromThe Onion

Started by Lilac. Last reply by Gary S May 25, 2017. 7 Replies

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Comment by Idaho Spud on Tuesday

A control baby is a good idea :)

Comment by Plinius on Tuesday

I love that one, GC!

Comment by Grinning Cat on Tuesday

A scientist once had twins. Her pastor called to congratulate her, and ask when they would bring the babies to be baptized.

She said, "Well, we'd like to bring one of them in Sunday. The other one we'll keep as a control."

(shared by whollyfool, commenting on "Megachurch Pastor John Lindell: 'Yoga Is Demonic'" at Joe.My.God.)

Comment by Joan Denoo on November 10, 2018 at 10:05pm

Patricia, great stories!

Comment by Idaho Spud on November 10, 2018 at 11:30am

Send the bill to my brother-in-law.  Ha.  A good laugh.

Comment by Patricia on November 10, 2018 at 2:56am

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked, 'Do you have health insurance?'
He replied in a raspy voice, 'No health insurance.'
The nun asked, 'Do you have money in the bank?'
He replied, 'No money in the bank.'
The nun asked, 'Do you have a relative who could help you?'
He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.'
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, 'Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.'
The patient replied, 'Oh that's grand news!
Send the bill to my brother-in-law.'

Comment by Patricia on November 9, 2018 at 11:46pm

Glad you can use it.

Comment by Plinius on November 9, 2018 at 11:44pm

Thanks Patricia, this is good for another lesson!

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on November 9, 2018 at 3:46pm

And thirty years later, Carol was her state’s governor.

Comment by Patricia on November 9, 2018 at 3:04pm

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making
dinner. Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time
to tell her mother what she wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into
trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought
she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course,
thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her
behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why
she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps
to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this
year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol.. I have been a pretty good girl this year,
and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and
started again.

LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will
be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her
a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her
mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had
worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said. Carol walked down
the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see
if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped
it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her
house and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her
letter to God.

LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed, YOU KNOW WHO

 

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