Atheist Humor

This is the place to post that hilarious irreligious YouTube video, an irreverent, anti-religious cartoon, or other humorous bit of media. Posts that do not reflect an atheist/irreligious theme will be deleted. (Don't make me go Old Testament.)

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Lewis Black: The Flintstones is not a documentary.

A slightly longer version of the clip that used to be here.

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Comment by cj the cynic on February 15, 2009 at 11:58am
Comment by Max on February 15, 2009 at 12:01am
Check out this site. It is funner then hell. Max
Comment by Max on February 14, 2009 at 11:44pm

Comment by Max on February 14, 2009 at 11:37pm
Last Words

Jesus was nailed up on the cross. The crowds were all around him. From on the cross Jesus cries out "John..."

John, hearing this, rushes up to his Lord. Before he can get close a Centurion grabs him and cuts off his right foot and throws him back in the crowd.

Again Jesus cries out "John..."

John again fights his way throughout the crowd. The Centurion grabs him and cuts off his left foot and throws him back.

Jesus cries out yet again "John..."

John drags himself through the crowd with his hands only to meet the same Centurion who cuts of his right hand and throws him back into the crowd.


John manages to crawl through the crowd pulling himself along the ground by his left and manages to sneak past the Centurion this time. He drags himself over to the cross and looks up at his Master and says "I am here my Lord. What is it?"

Jesus says "John... I can see your house from up here."
Comment by Max on February 14, 2009 at 11:35pm
Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to make them drink it.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

1. You can prove you have a Beer.
Comment by Max on February 14, 2009 at 11:34pm
The Power of Prayer

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

The atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer, the religious man raised his eyes towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above, "Because he doesn't bother me all the time!"
Comment by Max on February 14, 2009 at 11:33pm
Jesus walks into a hotel...

Jesus walks into a hotel, goes up to the counter. He puts three nails on the counter and says, "I need to be put up for the night."

From AAI
Comment by DeafAtheist on February 14, 2009 at 2:25am

Comment by DeafAtheist on February 14, 2009 at 2:06am
The Amish Farmer

An old Amish farmer is walking through his field and notices a guy drinking from his pond.

The Amish farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen! (Roughly translated: Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it")

The man shouts back: "I'm Muslim; I don't understand. Please speak English."

The Amish farmer shouts back in reply, "Use two hands, you'll get more!"
Comment by DeafAtheist on February 14, 2009 at 2:01am
The Squirrel Problem

There were five country churches in a small Texas town:

The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church, and the Jewish Synagogue. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels .

The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But it seemed that the Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but it is said that they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision. They haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

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