Plus, when you say things like that...
Well, you start playing on a woman's insecurities... whether they are thin or heavier, they still have them. Even if you didn't mean it so, it has negative connotations.
And they will associate the negative emotion that it causes with you.
In short, you make us self-conscious and we feel bad.
That's the sort of thing I've been working with him about, yes. He seems to be completely unaware that there are neutral ways of phrasing things. Many of his word choices seem to be the negative side of things, and then to express the positive aspect, he uses the offensive word and applies a negative modifier to it.
The thread I was talking about before is over here. He's updated his profile since I did my commentary on it, but I'm sure the language of the new one could still use a bit of massaging. I haven't gotten back to it, yet.
Ah, well... admittedly, I didn't take the time to read his profile, but from the excerpts you included, I can say I agree. He truly doesn't realize how negative he makes himself sound, ergo he's not concerned with making the phrasing more neutral.
You seem to have a good angle on things though, he could do to utilize the help you've offered :)
As I mentioned in my first reply, I appreciated the advice. I've never joined an on-line dating site, and truly didn't think of a full-body picture. But as far as the specific weight of any girl, some advice... never expect a woman to post that on their profile.
It sends out a message that physical appearance is the most important aspect, and also can make women uncomfortable. Whether 105 or 305, I've never met a woman who wanted to discuss her weight.
I do understand though, it would be rather unpleasant to meet someone in person and find out they are not at all what you envisioned.
Well, of course.
Otherwise I would have said I understood... but it's not like I go about asking men how tall they are, because if I date someone between 5'9" and 5'11", around 200lbs it reminds me of my father.
I think there are more tactful ways to go about it, and being observant is a good indicator as well. If all her pictures are of just her face, it might have something to do with an insecurity.
Or some advice, talk to her... ask her about her short-comings, and mention your own insecurities. She's more likely to be honest if she doesn't feel so judged, make since?
But if you ever do get roped into going on a date, only to make that discovery... I'd hope you'd be a gentleman, finish the date. And either A.) you'll like her enough to think it doesn't matter, or B.) you'll have other criteria to break it off with her.
A simple 'it's not going to work' is better than treading on her self-esteem. I'm definitely not trying to make you feel shallow. We are all in the same boat there, it's just some handle the situations more gracefully.
I can be very socially awkward, so sensitivity is a skill I had to force myself to adapt, it seems you might be the same in that case.
Hello, Laura, good to make your acquaintance.
Pardon for jumping in here, but I feel impelled to point out that, while it may be considered impolite to ask a woman what she weighs, women seem to have absolutely no such compunctions about asking about a man's height. AND rejecting him on the basis of the answer. I am quite a bit taller than Michael P, and yet I regularly get quizzed on my height, and openly turned down when I don't meet her [often unrealistic] criteria. Consequently, I can see some justification for men thinking that turnabout is fair play. If she's going to go around telling guys "sorry, you're too short", then it's not entirely unreasonable that some of the men might decide that it's OK to say to women, "sorry, you're too fat".
And yes, I know all about social norms, and I'm certainly aware that this isn't a smart thing to do. I'm just saying that there is a definite imbalance here, and I can see where some resentment might arise because of it.
I'm glad you don't ask about height. But most aren't as considerate.
I've seen several girls who don't want to date guys over 5'6" or so, on personals sites. They're short (4'10" or 5' or so), and they don't want anyone who's too much taller. There are all sorts out there.
I'm about 6'1", yes. Not really tall, but slightly above average.
I'm trivializing the issue because it had nothing to do with what we were talking about previously. If Michael Pianko only wants to date women who are shaped like Barbie dolls, that's his right. Likewise, if women only want to date tall men, I'm not going to tell them they can't.
What we were jumping all over him for was that he was using just about the most insulting words possible to describe his preference.