I am already struggling trying to put myself back out there, and now that I am in my 30's and am trying to date in that age range- I find that everyone is ready to have babies. I don't want to bear children. In the area I live in it is hard enough to find someone who will accept my atheism (and rare to find a fellow non-theist) and when I throw in the "maybe I would like to adopt older children some day- I don't want to bear my own"... I may have as well announced that I have a highly contagious communicable disease. Am I being unrealistic? Do I need to just give in and date men with children? Why does this all suck so bad?

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All  Many answers to be found in this discussion in A|N : My Elective Tubal Ligation.

It takes a tremendous effort and some plain ole bitchiness to win this one :)

Awesome. Thanks for the information.

I wanted kids in the past, but as I got older and became a bit wiser, I realized that even though I love kids, they aren't for me. I wanted to raise one at one point when I was younger, but then I realized that my freedom would pretty much disappear, and I would have to take care of someone other than myself. Being 30, and with the way the economy is in shambles, pending wars/class wars, healthcare costs, who would want to bring a child into this twisted world? Good thing I wised up before I went down that path.

Oddly enough, I am sterile due to no choice of my own.


Not that it mattered much as I was only interested in children if it was one of my partners life goals.


I had two LTR's blow up in my 20's because their "clock started ticking" after about year four and although I was open to adoption as a solution but they both found that unacceptable.


But yes, atheist + sterile and/or childfree means you just have to deal with more dead ended dates.

I might be a little out of your age range but I totally agree that it's hard, which gets annoying very quickly, to find an atheist who doesn't want to have kids. Not that there aren't plenty of atheists who don't want to have kids but that both traits are so rare; finding both in the same person is extremely unlikely - especially when you include all of your other factors in finding a mate (to perhaps use the phrase a little loosely).

I have one daughter, but she's 18 and just moved out.  No more kids for me.

Let me be funny for a moment; all men don't want children, they just want to make them and give them to the wife to take care of. So, to answer your question, yes - lots of them. haha..  I am sure there are some nurturing types out there.

I don't think it's a huge number of guys out there that don't want kids. I am one of them. I think the reason people want children is because "society" tells them that "it's the right thing to do, the normal thing". I believe that it is my choice and my partner's choice. If a couple doesn't want children, that should be their choice. No one else's. 

I've dated women with children. You will never be their top priority. You will always come in second. Then if you are around long enough you get attached to the child and end up in a dead end relationship that you both hate, but you don't want to leave because you like the child. It's no good. 

Then you run into, "what if the child's other parent is religious?" You can't really exert your beliefs to them without starting a big mess with the EX. You don't want that either. 

Well, I hope that helps.

Interesting and important point you make. I've noticed that from single dads on online dating sites as well. I personally stay away from that type. It seems like a better fit for dating is for single parents to date each other, makes the emotional risks a little more equal. It's not just about the adults either. Given the statistics that first marriages by far have the most durability, the risk of broken attachment for kids is pretty high in relationships after the initial couple.

I share your philosophy! I have the same problem as you! I think we could make the journey together! Only, I am very far from you! I am Buirkina Faso. a country in West Africa, people here do not understand!
I give you my address: boulsaboss@yahoo.fr

Let's clear the air here.  You are not going to meet all the wickets I set out and vice versa.  That is a good thing.  I don't want someone who likes all the things I like.  I want someone who can meet my deal breakers and offer the same in return.  You will not like some things about me and I will not like some things about you.  THAT is life.  I don't want kids.  I see the kind of world they live in and I am trying my level best to stop the hemorrhaging of common sense.  I am more complex than a simple political party or tag on the Nexus.  If you want something that stimulates your mind AND body that is what I look for so we probably have some common ground.  I do get tired of trying to match me to you...  How did this go before dating sites?  How did this go before POF and Eharmony?  I'll tell you that people actually TALKED to each other and didn't put a list of demands out there to be met.  Just sayin'

Before this Caucasian century, romance, love and compatibility were low on the list of arranged marriages and marriages of convenience requirements. Partnerships today have no evolutionary biology foundations, they're all about the egos of human minds getting together for enjoyment. The problem is babies result in this subjective tango we modern humans do :)

We either play the romantic ego game, or we stay single... as some of us end up doing, because  we don't like the game. It is a tempting game, and we do get titillated by it though. :)

Or.. you can go back to marriages of convenience or arranged ones. :)




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