I have a dilemma. I haven't dated in years. Not because I can't get a date, but because I got my heart stomp on in the past. So since then I have had a wall up that no one has been able to penetrate. I mean no one...NO ONE! Anyway I just recently spent the weekend with an ex-girlfriend(Not the one that stomped on my heart)This ex is the only ex I am still friends with. she invited me to a party she was throwing at her house, so of course I went. For the most part the night went as expected (we got drunk and had fun) but late into the party (or early into the morning) things took a little turn. Nothing drastic but we started to get more intimate (extended hugs, caresses...) than we had been for a long time. Naturally I initially blamed this on the alcohol and tried to put it out of my mind. If your confused as to why this is a problem let me put it into perspective. A couple of years after we broke up we stopped talking (mostly she stopped talking to me) and a mutual friend told me why. He said "she said you kept bringing up your old relationship..." so it was my fault as most of my problems are. After that I have made a conscious effort to NEVER bring our past relationship up again. So it is easy to see how confusion sets in when not only do I wake up 10 the next morning cuddled up with her in her bed but then she invites me to spend the rest of the day with her which I did. Now here is the problem. I felt a crack in my wall. After examining this through sober eyes I realized(painfully) that I still have feelings for her and she may still have feelings for me, but I really don't know. I don't want to "poke and prod" and push her away. I also don't want to sit and stew for a month (thats probably the next time I'll see her.she is VERY busy) (also I'm a "high functioning autistic" meaning my mind will dwell on a problem until it is resolved) WHAT DO I DO?

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I feel your pain, A.N.  Has your situation been resolved?  I would have suggested that you structure your life so that you are busy and productive, enjoying your activities, rather than dwelling on any external person, including this woman and your other failed relationships.  This lifestyle quickly makes an individual much more attractive as a partner.  Honestly, if you were a close friend of mine, I would probably encourage you to break down your wall for your own benefit and emotional health, not for some external person, and to open yourself up to a fresh relationship with a new person. 

Situation has been resolved. check my blog "this has nothing to do with atheism" its the same post just updated.


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