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It's not specifically an atheistic topic

but it is a singles-related one, so hopefully this is appropriate here.

I find it kind of irksome that people are always willing to tell you what *not* to do, but are rarely able to offer any guidance as to what the correct course of action should be. A case in point: counselors and self-help books are very heavy on where one should not approach a woman to strike up a conversation, but don't say much about what the right circumstances are.

Obviously, if she's racing to catch a train, that's NOT an opportune moment. Just as obviously, if you're both at a singles get-together, that's fine. But what about the rest of life, where things are not nearly so clear-cut?

So how about it, ladies? In what times & places would you be most inclined to welcome an unexpected meeting with an interesting stranger? Where do you hang out, when hoping to meet someone? In short, when and where should a guy go, to look for you?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Keith Brian Johnson on November 24, 2010 at 7:52pm

This is a great topic! I second the question. Let me add a bit to it: Where, *other than a bar or club*, should a guy go to look for you?

Permalink Reply by Michael Walker on November 25, 2010 at 2:23am

Given the audience here, I assume that we can also rule out Sunday Mass.

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on November 27, 2010 at 5:00pm

That is like asking whether I, as a lapsed Jew, should avoid going to shabis (Jewish sabbath) synagogue services just to try to met a girl who is also ethnically Jewish. For awhile after I knew god is imaginary and religion is meshugas and at best a strange waste of time, I still went to services because I thought that a girl just had to also be Jewish and I thought if I met a non-Jewish girl, she would be observant of some kind of Christianity or christian holidays. Last August I went to a young adult friday night shabis eve observance at a reformed temple- I skipped the service and just came for the ritual dinner and I didn't eat because I'm a health nut and have been on a high fruit diet for awhile - and after the dinner I had an extensive conversation with a girl 2 years older than me who had also taken Yiddish classes but is going to school far away to get a Ph.D. degree and will be done in march - but she was raised orthodox Jewish.

Talking to her was so strange because I'm usually afraid to talk to anyone, and I also had no clue whether to try to speak Yiddish to her. We were talking English outside after everyone else left and then I found out she was waiting for her father to pick her up - or at least that's what she said, although I know hard core orthodox Jews cannot drive on shabis. I left before her ride came and I feel like I was a darn fool for the entire time and then in an e-mail message I asked about her Jewish beliefs and briefly explained that god is imaginary and religion is meshugas - and I never heard from her again.

I haven't been to any Jewish events since, and before that the 2nd to last Jewish event I went to was in April 2010 and was a non-religious thing in a bar. The Jewish young adult events that are in a bar are once a month in my town, but I felt shitty about myself every time I left those events and had not gotten any jewish girl there to give out her contact information or agree to talk to me again or see me outside official events. Additionally I know I don't really want a woman who is not definitely against the Jewish ritual almost all Jewish parents who have a son do, where you are supposed to have someone hurt (assault, damage, abuse, traumatize, harass, and so on) your son when he is 8 days old.

Permalink Reply by Jared Lardo on November 24, 2010 at 10:28pm

*Disclaimer: I'm not a lady*
That said, I've gotten the impression that the fresh fruits and vegetables section of supermarkets is a good place.

Permalink Reply by Michael Walker on November 25, 2010 at 2:21am

I've heard stuff like this, too... but usually from people who are repeating third-hand hearsay anecdotes. So I thought it would be good to go straight to the source and find out where real, live, 21st-century women spend their time. And whether or not they are comfortable with being approached there.

Permalink Reply by B-Girl on November 24, 2010 at 11:18pm

Laundromat is a possibility, it gives you a good chance to see what a woman looks like when she isn't really trying hard to look great and you can casually glance at what she is folding and determine if she is in a relationship or has kids.

I don't know how other women feel about it, but I would be okay with being approached at the gym. I am not big on getting really done up to meet guys because I am a rather casual girl and don't want a guy expecting full make-up and heals all the time. (I dress up for going out with guys, even ones I have been dating for a long time, but I don't wear make-up on a daily basis, my choice of dress is situation specific - boots, shorts and a tank-top for hiking, jeans and a cute t-shirt for the movies or shopping, dress and heals for nice dinner out.)

I also think a hobby is a great way to meet someone who has like interests. The last 2 guys I dated I met through a mutual hobby (medieval re-enactment). If you like bowling, join a co-ed league, your match might be on the team in the next lane. If you don't have a hobby, try some out (but don't keep doing something if it is not fun, the lovely lady you meet through it might want to keep doing the hobby forever - I won't date someone that either isn't already in my hobby or willing to join in on it because my hobby is where all my friends are and I need friends as much as I need a partner (possibly more than)).

Permalink Reply by Michael Walker on November 26, 2010 at 9:27pm

Do people really still use laundromats? Every place I've ever seen, that anyone I knew lived in, either had individual facilities or at the very least a laundry room for the building. There's a laundromat in a strip mall that I go past on the way to work, but I don't think I've ever actually seen anyone in there... Just wondering, it seems so "fifties" somehow. Like cigarette machines or service station attendants wearing starched white uniforms.

Hobbies are always high on people's recommendations, but it's sometimes hard to find ones that appeal to both sexes. I do lots of things for entertainment; carpentry, blacksmithing, hunting & fishing, auto mechanics and so on, but few women seem interested in those things. And many of the hobbies that do attract lots of women seem to be solitary things like knitting, cooking and so forth.

It's interesting that you should mention medieval reenactment - I'm in a troupe that does just that, and we tour lots of ren faires during the summer and fall. I'd love to meet someone who shared that interest. But almost all the single women who participate are either under 25 or over 45. I don't quite know why, it just seems to be true. There actually was a singles party at one gathering, but there were no 30-something women at all. I'm also in the SCA singles group, and it's the same way there. Kind of a mystery.

Permalink Reply by Michael Pianko on November 27, 2010 at 5:19pm

I wash my clothes without going to a laundromat. I buy fruit more than twice a week, but I would probably not talk to a random strange woman in a grocery store - that would be too strange, and women in public do not expect guys to talk to them, and a woman might think I am going to harass her and will give me an expression that shows she is afraid or thinks I am crazy, and then I will have to quickly shirk away and move 20 feet or more away and avoid looking at her, and then I will know I am being a damn fool.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on November 28, 2010 at 10:39pm

I dunno about the gym thing. There are a lot of women-only gyms around here, so that they won't have to worry about being hit on by the muscle-heads. I think a lot of women have an issue there.

Permalink Reply by Joseph P on November 28, 2010 at 10:42pm

Right there with you on that. I go for the more literate, intellectual types. I've met two dates at Barnes & Noble.

Permalink Reply by Michelle on November 25, 2010 at 7:44am

I was going to say exactly what Erin did. Coffeeshops and bookstores. I go there when I have time to kill, hence I'm not in a rush. You may want to avoid the "just before work" crowd, but any other time of the day would be good. An added plus to the bookstores is that you can see what women are reading or what sections they are interested in. This might give you an idea of her intellect, if it matches yours, or if she's in the kids' section--that she has kids, etc..... Good luck!

Oh, and I tend to think that women don't really go to bars or clubs looking for men to start relationships with. If they are looking for a man in a bar--it's for something else. I've tried Match.com and had no luck although I met some interesting people. That might be an option......

Michelle

Permalink Reply by Michael Walker on November 26, 2010 at 9:32pm

I've never really made any attempt to talk to anyone in a bar or club - the music is always at top volume, so you can't talk, anyway, and most women come with a date, to boot. Besides, there are always far more guys, so any single woman is likely to be immediately besieged with men trying to chat her up. Not a conducive environment.