Thats it.

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Yeah, it's rough finding someone on here.  We're spread all the heck all over the world.  Have you looked into your local atheist group on  I have no idea how active the Detroit group is, but most groups I've seen tend to be pretty male-heavy.  I'm coming up with and then two other smaller groups with fewer than 100 members each.


I'm contemplating moving back to the Chicago area, at some point in the next couple of years, but that's still pretty far away.

It is pretty hard finding a person you can connect with and that you can share similar views with not to mention trying to find someone that is also looking for a serious relationship.

So am I.  But until I find work in a warm part of the country and get moved there, I doubt I'm going to find anyone. 


And when I do, she'll probably leave, as women do, for no reason or because we had our first fight or for some other reason that makes sense to her but not to me.  But I keep hoping to find someone who thinks relationships matter and who doesn't require "magic" but instead simply chooses to be warm and affectionate and loving together.

Don't worry and don't try too hard. I was married for 26 wonderful years... The secret is be patient then you don't get in to bad relationships. I don't care if I ever have another relationship

I've been on several dating websites, including J-date and 2 other Jewish ones before I became confident and admitted that a girl does not have to be Jewish; Match .com, but that doesn't work, because I would send messages, and then I never got a single response, rather I would get messages from that would say "congratulations, [name of girl] has accepted your offer."  What "offer" and why didn't I get a real response(s)!

Now I'm only on, and I pay 9.99 every 6 months so I can have no ads and send pictures.  In my experience, I have had more than a few instances of me and a girl sending messages back and fourth, but the girl always gives up after I ask for a picture of her standing, with her whole body visible (I mean dressed, just so I can see how fat she is).  Just about every girl on online dating websites is much fatter than I am, and they are never honest about their weight. 


Sometimes I ask about a girls weight.  If I don't ask about a girl's weight, its because she already gave up because I mentioned religion or penile mutilation or some topic you are not supposed to acknowledge exists in front of polite company.  I never get answers.  One girl hinted that she weighs twice or more my weight.  In my profile, I actually say my weight, 119-121 lbs undressed, and I'm 5 ft 3 in or a few sixteenths less.  They almost always only show a picture of only their face.  I posted 2 pictures of my face and one of me standing in the living room of my grandma's house, with my face-feet showing + a little carpet in front of my feet and also a little bit of the wall and ceiling and furniture.        


I even paid for a membership to for 3 months.  But The site is such a scam and I got nothing from it.  There are very few paying members compared to a lot more non-paying members.  I seems like you are supposed to pay for people (of the opposite sex) to be able to converse with you; users do have this option; I got one girls e-mail address who is 2 or a little less years older than I am and was also a paying member, but I was a darn fool in my messages, and she indicated that she was laughing at my naiveness or how she thought I was being a fool, and I never met her.       

Uhhhh, you may want to work on your terminology a bit, man.  I have a feeling that that's what's driving a lot of them away.


Isn't Adult Friend Finder kind of a sketchy site?  I've never looked that closely at it, but what I've seen of it seems more like a tool to help married people cheat.


For that matter, I've been warned away from by a friend.  Apparently, you can only communicate with other paid members.  So, it's bound to be an exercise in frustration, seeing hundreds of women who match your search criteria, but none of them can actually even read your messages, much less write back.  Even more, at least with what I've seen of the site as a non-paid member, I don't think you can tell who's a paid member and who isn't ... so you'll send off 50 or 100 messages, mostly just wasting your time on people who don't have and won't have a paid membership.


Does that sound at all like your experiences?  I've used Yahoo personals with some success, in the past, but they've since closed that area of the site and are pimping

Sounds about like my experiences... with every site I was on. 


Adult friend Finder approximately seems to advertise itself as a tool to hook people up with sex partners... Anybody can post pictures and a profile, but if you don't pay for a membership, you can only see a little bit of other peoples profiles.  I paid for a membership, and paying members can see all of peoples profiles.  As I remember (this was more than 2 years ago, so for all I know the site has changed since), it was possible to search according to who was a paying member and who was not, and there were very few paying members, but until you pay for a membership, there is no way to know who is or is not a paying member.  Thus, within minutes after paying for a membership, you find out that you wasted your money.  But, paying members are able to pay even more money (or is this called paying for someone else's membership) in order to be able to correspond with a non-paying member (or at least for them to be able to read your messages, and then maybe or likely, they will choose to not respond...).  It almost reminds me slightly of the facebook, except that there is a fee and users can post x-rate pictures of themselves... but realistically, its such a scam because there are very few serious paying members... it may be a place where escorts advertise themselves for free and expect other people to pay money to be able to converse with them but there is little guarantee of actually meeting them in person...  So, I fell for a scam and wasted a little under $60.

  • But, paying members are able to pay even more money (or is it called paying for someone else's membership) in order to be able to correspond with a non-paying member (or at least for them to be able to read your
    messages, and then maybe or likely, they will choose to not respond...).
Ahhhhhhhh, now if they had something like this on, it would be worth it.  This would be a great thing, since you'd then be able to access a huge pool of non-paying members, whom only higher level members could contact.  You'd have way less competition, since the bulk of men signed up for an account wouldn't even be paying for a basic paying-membership.  You just sort of accept that that's the real membership price.
I have been here. Believe me, this is the default state for the universe.

I think, and I'm not positive on this here, that perhaps it's best to build up friends first, and that makes it easier to find people more like yourself that you can then enter relationships with. Which isn't easy, I know, but there it is.
Don't worry, don't look for relationships, they find you when it's right. It might take a long time. Maybe half of your life... But that is better than letting your self be forced into a relationship you are stuck in, since people tend to live the life life they should live, the way social pressure tells you... not the life they want.

"They find you when it's right" is absurd, no matter how comforting it might seem to the speaker.  The fact is that if you never meet anyone, then you're not going to find anyone, nor are they going to find you.  On the other hand, if you're always socializing with people, meeting new people, getting to know people, then your likelihood of finding/being found shoots way up.  (I imagine having a place of your own helps, too.  It's harder to ask someone to your place, where you can chat and watch movies and continue getting to know each other, if you have a place to take her back to.)


I don't have a lot of trouble finding women when I'm in contact with them; but since I am now making my only contact with women when I stop for pizza on the way to chess club and chat with the young women who work at the pizzeria, and since I'm living with my sister, brother-in-law, and two nephews--and also since I don't have any chat program set up on my computer (I met my ex-wife using MIRC)--I'm not meeting anyone, and nobody's meeting me.  Now that I'm on AtheistNexus, and now that I've joined the group for single chessplayers on, there's an outside chance I'll meet someone--but it's more likely that it won't happen until I've found an instructor's job and gotten moved to wherever I'll be going.


You have to have social contact in order to "find someone."  And "when it's right" is just a way of making it seem acceptable that the time between now and "when it's right" isn't yet the time "when it's right."  It's ironically reminiscent of talk about "God's plan" and of people's dying when it's "God's will" and so on--a way of making easier to live with that which might otherwise be harder to live with.

Well, I think you might want to be a bit more specific than that.  What are you looking for?  What do you absolutely HAVE to have, as opposed to simply being desirable?  What can you not tolerate under any circumstances?


I've tried to winnow down my "must haves" to as small a number as possible.  I finally got it down to two- she has to want children, but not have any yet.  (And the only reason I even kept that in was because I couldn't figure out any way to compromise on kids - King Solomon not withstanding.)


So what are you looking for?



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