Hi everyone,

Not to sound too conceited or anything, but my problem isn't necessarily finding dates/men.. but actually finding men who are not scared of my intelligence! Just being an atheist means you are dramatically more intelligent than the average joe. I would argue that this is mostly  because of all the careful study and research a lot of us do to finally come to that conclusion. Also, being an atheist means that you have the intellectual capacity to realize that the universe wasn't made for just you. Wow! That seems to take an extreme amount of reason...

I am 23, but I still feel the overwhelming pressures of sexism ... to let the man wear the pants. I was in a great relationship from 19-21 where it was completely egalitarian and respecting. However, the ones since then, and it seems those types that I am attracted to, are very intimidated by me being an intelligent/educated woman. It's the whole, "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen" mentality it seems. I don't see gender roles as evil, but I do see it as evil when men basically want you to be their slave..... :(. ugh. 

Anyways, I've finally come to the conclusion that I need to meet people who are more on my wave length. Fellow humanists/atheists it would appear. My last relationship was a quick one, with an ex-jehovah's witness! Oh man, the mental scarring that man faced was just downright sad. Anyway, that didn't work out mainly because of how nutty that JW cult is! Since that, I have realized I must not settle for a "glazed eyed" drug addict. And by the word drug I mean religion. However, a lot of the atheist men I do meet bore me to death or are extremely socially awkward. Why is that? 

Anyway, does anyone face the same problem as me?

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Replies to This Discussion

What is it that you WANT from an atheist male (besides an intellectual equivalent, and a tantalizing conversationalist, and someone who does not drag their knuckles)?
LOL, Religion just adds one more layer of BS to break through if people aren't honest with themselves or others. There is someone for everyone out there, it just takes a long time to find the right person. Keep hanging in there and you will find the right person. FYI, I have lots of friends that both they and I know we won't go passed first base because of our religious differences or other differences that is just the way it is.
Speaking from the Latino perspective, one comes to expect meeting women with ridiculous mindsets. All I can do is shake my head. Good luck to you in your search for a "sober" man.

It is interesting that you take particular note of social awkwardness.  I was always under the impression that atheists (men and women) are rather outgoing with social acumen.  I kind of feel that is how they were able to break the spell and not become sheep themselves.

At the risk of sounding like I'm patting myself on the back, I'm a guy with complementary/similar problems.

Re sexism, I don't always wanna "wear the pants" and find that many women are every bit as sexist as men, having fully embraced stereotypical gender roles, inside and outside of the bedroom, even those who try to be or would like to think of themselves as liberated. Of course, they are largely casualties of societal pressures/conditioning. On the other side of the coin are those who struggle against this so fiercely that they confuse independence with being noncommittal, thinking they can't be independent and in a relationship.

Re intelligence, seems to me there are two camps of atheists (in general, not just women). The first are the f***off camp, who seem to be just generally anti-everything, usually identifying politically as libertarians, having a visceral reaction to authority in general. To put it nicely, these are not generally girls with whom I can debate philosophy.

The second camp, the freethinking/skeptical contingent have come to their godfree state through a rational growth process and these I find damned sexy. Problem is, I think I intimidate some women who identify as intelligent, perhaps (and this is speculative on my part) because they're not accustomed to dating men who challenge them intellectually and find this unsettling, since they can't adopt the familiar role of the "smart one" in the relationship. I fear this sounds arrogant, but I can imagine feeling some insecurity if I met someone who I discovered may be "smarter" (whatever that means) than me.


EDIT: Woah, just looked at your profile and saw that you're in UT. Poor thing. Best of luck. Is moving an option? ;)

At the risk of sounding like a total twat, if most freethinker men could connect with women, they probably wouldn't be freethinkers.  It's largely a community of outsiders.
A good potion of us, yes.  Some of us manage.
Don't worry, there are plenty of atheist men out there who think they're the smartest thing on earth and wouldn't be afraid.  The problem is most of them are hideous douchebags inside and out.  And trust me, the are sexists galore in the atheist community and they try to hide behind science to justify it.  I don't think your odds of connecting with an atheist guy are any different than with a theist guy.
speaking of sexist... lol

What is interesting is the dualism in gender connection; in your case, regarding men that bore you; yet, are atheist. For women, I meet urban, up-to-speed conscious women aren't afraid to let their hair down. I believe the proclivity of men are anti-social in the halls of the intelligentsia; however, with women, the reverse exists.


Environmental exposure plays a tremendous part in how one corresponds to their social spectrum. 

I tell you what Anna, my biggest turn on is intelligence.  I don't know who you're dating, but clearly they are missing out on what is the best quality in any human.

More than a year later, but the wording that Anna used in her title could describe my situation. I have been married twice, but I am a widow with an 18-year-old daughter and a 9-week-old grandson who both live with me.  I am 56, but probably look somewhat younger. I have a PhD and I work 4 jobs to make ends meet. Our household distribution of labor is a work in progress. I am in the New Orleans area. 


I want to post a photo, but it seems that it will take an hour or more to do so: I seem to be getting nowhere!  If you click on the empty box, you should be able to see my picture anyway.


Please look for me at SCICON 2011 in New Orleans in late October 2011--my first attendance at a skeptic's/atheist's event. I am up for meeting both men and women; here in the Bible Belt, it is especially precious to make an atheist friend!


Gloria Manucia


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