Ok, so due to my inability to lower my standards, I have unwittingly dedicated myself to becoming an atheist nun....(kidding, but that's the way it's turning out). So I live in the buckle of the bible belt, I'm educated, attractive for my age, own my own business, and mindless sex is just so easy (and boring) for us....isn't it ladies??? (You guys know that's true) But finding someone you actually WANT to be with, now that is where things get good and complicated!! I've decided in my wisdom, that I will not settle. Since MOST atheists live far far away from me, it never really occurred to me to try and find a man that could keep up with me intellectually on this site, but what did occur to me, was that I would meet awesome people who are intelligent, well spoken, educated, (whether self taught or schooled), witty and socially aware. I have hit the mother load there!!! This site helps me hold on to the fact that there are growing numbers of people just like me out there and I am not alone!! Rational, kind, and well spoken non-believers! I LOVE yall people....!!! (no but really, I do! That's a facetious southern accent btw and yeah, I am a southern girl and lovin there are so many talking atheists on this site!!!)
Now that being said....it can be a lonely life. But I just can't, and won't settle. You feel me?

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Why do you think it is that you are having issues meeting someone you would be interested in dating???  The only reason I ask, is so we might be able to find some way to help you get around that.  Listen to me....who the hell do I think I am???  I tell you what though, I have recently uploaded a profile on OkCupid.com.  It allows you to filter out searches in cool ways, ESPECIALLY religious affiliation.  Have you tried any of that?  You know, just putting yourself out there?  I have actually had great results.  I have met a ton of guys that are atheist or agnostic.  Just no one I have had that special spark with thus far.  But still some really cool and fun dates, with great conversation, and a lot more friends.  Another plus that I have found for us chicks, is that the number of atheist men vs women is at least 2 to 1, and guys are super stoked when they find an atheist chick.  Maybe something like this would help????  You never know.  Your dream man could be looking for you at this very moment!!!

 

Again, for women in the atheist community, the odds are good.......

 

 

...but the goods are odd!!

Most of the dating sites I've looked into have about 12 profiles of men in Japan, and they tend to be in another prefecture, or don't speak English. If they do speak English, good chances they are military and not only in another prefecture, but limited to their time off. I do have to admit, I get queasy at the dating sites, to begin with. They just haven't done well for me in the past, and half the time, I feel like I'm talking to people I have nothing in common with. I'm extraordinarily geeky and so I've tried geek dating sites, but there's maybe one or two in Asia on those sites, since they're western sort. I suppose I could try and join a J-site or Asian-based site, but my Japanese is so-so. I tried for the JLPT 3(a language proficiency test), which is prettymuch intermediate level, and bombed it. I am still working on learning the language, and I do use it with my friends, here... just my friends tend to be my parents' age, if they aren't teachers like me. 

 

So, maybe there's a guy back home in the states who would be stoked... Less likely to be one here that is nearby. I could be wrong! But not only am I older than most of the men who come to Japan from overseas (they tend to be fresh out of college; I'm in my mid-30s), but I'm also a big girl and I know that is an issue for a lot of guys. (So be it. I'm not happy with it, for health reasons, but it's not something that changes overnight, either. I'm realistic.) So, when I see the cute, bubbly, 20-something girls who come here despair over not having a boyfriend, who am I to expect to find someone? Really?

 

I pretty much have resolved myself that while in Japan, I'm going to remain single. It's been two years, not one date at all. The only interest that has come my way has been the creepy sort from men older than my father would be, were he still alive.

 

But yeah, I'd love to be proven wrong and have even a date or two, while here. Doesn't seem likely, though. :| 

Depends upon the foundation of the long distance relationship.  If you're talking about relationships that initiate online, it's iffy.  It's certainly not worth putting off other plans for a relationship with someone you've never met.

Also, moving internationally to get together with someone you've never seen in person ... I dunno.  I guess you could go on vacation a few times and be together for a while, if you have the money.  That would still be putting unnatural strain on the both of you to get as much quality time in during the short time you're together.

Heck, most people need to be with someone for 3 or 4 months before they'll stop putting on an act and be themselves.

 

I have the same feeling about Pagans.  It would be more possible to have a real relationship than with a Judeo-Christian type, but I'd still rather have a rational atheist.

There are many pagans who aren't so much religious as they are dramatic. :D For a lot of them, especially esoteric (which is what I considered myself to be, for the longest time), the rituals and spells were exercises of the mind to deal with issues from daily life... a bit like prayer... no real, physical proof of anything, but it can help you to deal with stuff... But some can be very religious, too.

 

I dunno, seems like it just depends on the person as to how fundy they can be. There's certainly a few in each batch, no matter the belief system.

Wait a minute... that comment about, " the goods are odd". I resemble that remark. That's directed at me isn't it.

I feel you!!  I have been living in Japan for a while now.  Most people here are atheist.  I have not really connected with anyone I have dated here so far, and mostly because of the language barrier.  I am planning on possibly moving back to Florida soon.  This is a problem for me, because doing so pretty much ensures I will be single for a long time.  There are very few atheist there, and even fewer out of the closet atheist.  I too cannot settle for mindless sex, and I don't want to get into the buisness of having religious debates to try and change everyone I date.  I guess I would have two options.  1. Mindless sex or 2. Mail order bride from Sweden.  Its a sad world in the bible belt!

 

Awh! Why'd you have to move! ;D Just kidding. But yeah, I think most of the gaijin guys here that I know end up with J-GFs who either know enough English and/or are looking to improve their English, or the guys speak well enough to get by. Us girls, on the other hand... well, it is a bit of a dry spell for many of us who come here. I've also seen how I've become shier and shier the longer I stay here. Definitely not good if I want to meet someone!

Tell me more about this mail order bride from Sweden thing.  I thought they all came from Kazakhstan.
Still wondering how it could all be possible for myself. I hope things work out for you.

Well you should never lower your standards. Anyhoo, is it tough living in the buckle of the Bible Belt? Do you have to keep a low profile?

Yes it is very challenging to live in the buy bull belt.... I do keep a low profile.  What I DO find encouraging is that I'm seeing MORE and MORE Darwin Fish on cars around here.  Like almost daily.  I used to see those more like only once a year.  Still, I live here and freekin hate that I cannot speak my mind without there being very real social consequences to my doing that.  I wish I were kidding when I say that my ex husband tried to use my postings on Atheist Nexus, and the fact I am atheist, to prove I was an unfit parent and gain custody of our son.  Yeah.....that one blew up in his face, but the fact it can even be considered...is DISTURBING!!!!  I don't do well in an environment that promotes closed mindedness.  I've decided that once my son goes off to college, I am HAPPILY getting the hell outta dodge, and finding a place that has people I can relate to.  Any suggestion???

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