I got an email from OkCupid:
Greetings, fellow atheist. This is Chris from OkCupid. I know from hard experience that non-believers have few holiday entertainment options:
Towards making that last one more likely for you, we've devised a special wintery match algorithm, and we'll be sending you a seasonal special someone each day for 12 days.
[The name of and picture of the guy was here in the email.]
Here's another awesome thing: he's reading a similar message about you right now. Why not drop him a line?
All the best,
And Chris is a real boy! Here's his profile!
I was so excited, I thought to share it with you guys.
I received the same email, and a match with someone I already know from the local atheist meetup group.
Yeah, it sucks being a good match-making service, huh? So hard to maintain your customer base.
I have been on okcupid for at least a year and I even pay $9.99 for 6 months to aviod the ads, but it never works, because I always end up mentioning some topic jyou are not supposed to mention in front of polite company, not liking pets and animals, atheism, infant penile mutilation, hooking up, or meeting in person. One of the last girls I conversed with was a luthern who said she was in her church choir, said there are days when only her faith gets her through the day, and said there is no such thing as an atheist because my life must have been affected by someone religious, and I surely believe in them.
Yeah, there are several of those subjects that should just be avoided, and others just need to be dealt with a little more diplomatically than I'm sure you're doing.
Infant penile mutilation isn't a first date subject. It's not even a third date subject. Maybe a month or two down the line, after the relationship has reached the point of actually being a relationship, you can start getting into that sort of thing. 'Hooking up' is a sketchy phrase, too. If you're not dating someone from the hood, I'd avoid it completely. I wouldn't push on the meeting in person part, either. I mean obviously you want to meet in person, because talking to someone online forever isn't any way to get a real feel for someone ... but if you're too pushy about it, you'll come off as a stalker or control freak. Give a girl the chance to sniff out your basic personality first, until she's comfortable enough.
Not liking pets is fine and is important to get out of the way early on. Clearly you don't want to date someone who has to have several dogs or cats. But if you're too blunt about it, you'll annoy people who might otherwise be compatible. I'm fine with animals as a general concept, but I'm too OCD and neat to deal with animals in my house, and I don't like the constant maintenance. Kids are worth the effort. Animals are not. Plus, I have emotional issues with pets, because of what I've seen my mother and my one aunt turn their houses into.
Come up with something similar to my explanation.
Same deal with atheism. I'm a hard atheist/anti-theist about pretty much all of the useful definitions of a god. I just find your stance on the subject objectionable, because of the way that you're so declarative about it, without giving any sufficient, supporting evidence or reasoning. You almost seem to treat it like theists treat religious faith. If you come across at all the same when talking to women, I can see why they'd go running.
And what the hell were you doing talking to a Lutheran? :-D I love the idiots who declare that there's no such thing as atheists. Why were you even trying to date one?
Joseph, I very respectfully disagree. I want the guys who think circumcision is OK, who have animals as pets, and who are not atheists to go running. I don't think these things should be discussed on date but, rather, before a date takes place. The reason is because when I was younger (I'm 45), I dated people for weeks or months before getting into important issues, tried to brush those issues aside and tell myself things didn't matter that much only to find that when I ultimated ended these relationships, I was kicking myself for being in them in the first place.
Honestly (and this is my view and certainly not everyones), anyone over 30 who hasn't worked out the fact that circumcision is wrong and that there is no god is not anyone I'd want in my life. To me, it shows fear and/or thoughtlessness.
You'll notice that what I said about pets and atheism was to be diplomatic about it ... not that he shouldn't mention it at all. Certainly I'd bring it up before the first date, since they're two of my deal-breakers, as well.
Circumcision is a more iffy subject. For one thing, I think most women could be persuaded that it shouldn't be done to their children. Hell, a simple comparison to female circumcision should take care of most arguments. I don't think most women think about it much, since it doesn't effect them directly.
More to the point, I know how Michael obsesses about it. I'm sure he's being so emphatic about it and making it seem like he focuses so much on his putz (which he seems to do, actually, so that may be an accurate analysis), to the point that it drives women away. He needs to tone it down a little, and possibly not even bring it up for a while, since it's unlikely to be as much of a deal-breaker, in favor of circumcision, for most women.
Oh OK. I can see how circumcision would be a different kind of thing from that perspective (male discussing it with females). Thanks for sharing it with me.
And about pets and atheism, I re-read your post more carefully. Sorry. My bad on that.
A little antidote: I'd been dating a guy for a few months and the subject of circumcision came up. I found out that he had his son circumcised in 2000 when he was born. Suffice it to say I found out he had done zero research on the topic and was grossly uneducated believing all kinds of fallacies and complete untruths about the subject. I tried to gently and diplomatically educate him and discovered what a complete jackass he was that day. He ended up yelling at me and his retort to my facts were, and I quote: "WELL THEN I GUESS I'M JUST A STUPID SHEEP WHO DOESN'T THINK FOR MYSELF THEN!" So you can see why I'd want to find this out about a person earlier on than a few months into the relationship.
No worries. I can see how "Same deal with atheism," tying back to the beginning of the previous paragraph can be a bit vague if you're not reading it multiple times.
And thanks for sharing the anecdote. :-P Heh heh heh. I love when I do typos like that. I'll read through my posts for the proof run, and I'll find a sentence with two or three mutated words, like that ... and then I need to sit for a moment and try to figure out what the hell I was trying to say.
Yeah, best to sort through the idiots like that, before you make much of an investment of effort and emotion. You just have to maintain a bit of decorum to make sure you don't drive off compatible people by being too abrupt about things you can't tolerate.
Eww, yeah, dating coworkers is rough that way. I'm still on pretty good terms with just about all of my exes, but you want that ability to cut off all contact, if he turns out to be that level of idiot, and you don't want to deal with the awkwardness of knowing that about him.
We broke up years ago. I ended up quitting. The boss was a bigger jerk than he was. Live and learn.