Not counting the first 8 years (blame those on my parents - when I could think rationally I did), I have been a life-long atheist. I put that right in my profile ALWAYS. So why is it almost every message I get is from someone who claims to be an xtian? I understand it from the people who just message me with a "hi" or a "let's hook up" (they can't read big words), but from people who have an otherwise nice and interesting profile or people who obviosly read mine thoroughly..I just don't get it.

If your profile says "Christian and quite serious about it" why would you try to date an "atheist and quite serious about it"?

Do they really think they could convert me this late in the game?

Xtians make no sense to me..


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That makes no sense to me, either.  I sure wouldn't try to hook up with someone who was serious about religion.  What is the point?
Well, you're in a perfect position, now.  You're our woman on the ground ... err, behind the keyboard.  Ask them why they do this and what their intentions are.

After thinking about it, I imagine that the people who do this must

a. Not really be religious but think that they have to say that they are to meet chicks. (irritating)

b. Be too stupid to notice your atheist status. (troubling)

c. Not believe in atheists. (?)

d. Want to hook up really bad and don't care that you are going to hell.


So, find out for us, Peggy.

Hmm, I like to think A isn't a high percentage of them.  I think people are being honest, if they say they're serious about it.  Plenty of people will say they're Christian, when they only really have some vague concept that there might be some kind of god.  They were raised Christian, and they retain the label.  The one's who stress it, though ...


I think B mostly accounts for the "Wanna hook up?" types.  If they're not that sort of drive-by pickup artist, I figure they'll notice something like that.


C and D are probably high percentages, if you take both sexes into account.  I think women are more likely to fall under C.  I have personal experience with many who think that atheism means you just don't want to go to church ... that you just have to meet the right girl who will bring you back to Christ.  Lots of women go into a relationship assuming they'll mold the guy into what they really want, including major changes like this.


I imagine most guys are more hypocritical about their religion and just want to get laid.  We're known for thinking with the wrong head, most of the time.

I message anyone who has logged in in the last few days and:has a nice picture and/or wrote a good profile.  I don't pay attention to the religion drop down box.  If someone writes about god in their profile thats different.  For a real relationship, if you can have a good working relationship, then it probably doesn't matter what kind of religion virus someone is infected with.  I realized god is imaginary when I was 15 but until I was 26, october 2009, I still was afraid to not say I was Jewish. But I was also afraid to talk to non-Jewish girls until august 2010. Some people might think they are supposed to say they are a certain religion even if they are non-observant just because the god virus creates guilt that makes them think the religion is just what they are supposed to do or because of scrupulosity or because that's what their parents do.  A person and their particular god virus are two separate entities, usually inseparable but not always.  A girl, younger than me, who also works at the store I work at, said she is technically catholic but its been years since she has been to church.  I've recently been conversing on okcupid with a girl one or more times a day for 3 weeks who put in the drop down box, catholicism and serious about it, but she said nothing about god in her profile, she didn't ask about it, and I said nothing about it.  But I left the religion catagory on my profile blank and then near the end said, I'm a man and I'm not a priest and I'm not gay, prudish, socially conservative, or religious.  This hasn't stopped her from conversing with me. 

Have you stated, at any point, that you don't believe in any kind of gods or supernatural forces?  You don't have to use the A-word, but you may want to get it out there.  Catholics in particular often completely ignore their religion, if it isn't Sunday.


That's not a completely bad strategy, but you should be very observant.  Watch for any religious behaviors.  Also, if the relationship ever becomes serious, you really need to have a talk about how you'll raise the kids.  A lot of latent Christians will suddenly go loony fundie once their first child is born.


Besides that, go for it.  Maybe you can help her rid herself of whatever residual religion she may have clinging to her.  You never know.

I worked with an assistant principal who told me repeatedly, "You are looking for logic, and there isn't any"! THAT is why you are so frustrated. The fact that they are stupid enough to nonsense of "Christ-insanity" shows that they can't comprehend something as simple as a profile that says "Atheist and serious about it"! Of course, they think that you are not, and that they can "convert" you, and that you DO have a "soul", that needs to be "saved", etc. and so on. That is what you are up against. Its frustrating for all of us atheists!
Well my mother has always been a Christian and my father is oddly enough an Atheist.  So far as I've seen he's never been particularly passionate about being an Atheist so obviously religion rarely if ever seemed an issue.  At most the only time I can recall religion being discussed is when the religious right entered the news seeking to pass their dream of a theocracy.  My mother doesn't particularly subscribe to anything other then calling herself a Protestant.  She hasn't gone to a church service in decades, and I think much of it has to do with the hypocrisy and political dream many of them have.  What little I know of the religion I'd say she's the sort many would've called a heretic in the past.

Regardless I'd say passion about the subject matter is what drives relationships to fail or succeed.  Apathetic people rarely get into intense arguments about subjects they don't care about.  While my parents aren't apathetic they're pretty close in my opinion.  What people on both sides seem to forget is that secularism knows no religious boundary.  But if you seek to create your own that is your choice, and you've every right to do so.  Worst case scenario you end up in a relationship with a religious person who changes and seeks to use your atheism against you in a divorce / custody battle.  So I can understand why most of us Atheists don't want anything to do with religious folk given the accepted bigotry that we still face.
I wonder if in those relationships each side was already set in their beliefs or lack thereof and both were aware of the other's outlook or was it more common that when they married they started with a similar outlook on religion, even with both very religious, but over time one became  irreligious or the other more religious.  Dan Barker's a famous example -- he and his first wife were evangelists when they married, but eventually he became an atheist while she remained an evangelist and finally took the kids and left him over it.
Well in my particular case my mother hasn't been heavily religious in my lifetime.  She's never forced me to read the Bible, nor has she put in place any ultimatums to my father regarding religion.  Odds are she wouldn't be a Christian if she considered fundamental aspects of her faith with scientific evidence accumulated over the years.  So I'd say that she has a mild form of cognitive dissonance since she doesn't really weigh the both of them together.  All she does is pray before a meal, and never go to church.  I don't think I've even seen her read the Bible other then when she took a literature course in college concerning it.
Christians think everyone is convertible (and if you include brain damage as a method I think they're right). I've heard of people marrying with the intent of converting their partner to be, but mostly I suspect that the "Christian and quite serious" messaging you aren't all that serious about Christianity. They're only serious in that they're not joking when they say "god bless you" after a sneeze.

Also, PoF just sucks. I don't understand how anyone can use it when it distorts 99.9% of pictures until they're unrecognizable. Not to mention the hacking/security problems...

Is Plenty of Fish free, or is it one of those deceptful sites - they are all like this except for okcupid - which lure you in by letting you set up a profile and refusing to tell you exactly how much the service costs, and then you either have to pay a membership fee to use the site, or you have to pay to message members. 


i was in a short relationship with a girl who said she was catholic, who I met on okcupid. We met in person at an art museum, but she was late, and she had no intention of comming until I called her and convinced her to come. Then after an hour and 20 minutes, her friend called and asked her to sing at a gay discotheque because whoever was supposed to sing couldn't make it, so of course this girl was happy to do it. On a date your phone should be OFF, and you should not text or talk on the phone. You should show up on time (a few minutes early). She did talk on the phone with me a few times, but she sounded distracted, buzy on her computer or wandering around using the speakerphone feature, and she said she was a witch and that she gives her friends readings (predictins of their future?) every so often and this ordeal makes her tired for the next "week and a half." I guess she does wicca. One time also she said she had to go to church. Her profile says she is catholic, but she never said a work otherwise about religion. She talked as if she was trying to see how much she could tell me before I got creeped out, she was scatterbrained and flakey, saying she lost track of time at least 3 different times, so I just gave up on her after 6 weeks. There's more...


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