So, I've met a really great guy who seems to be everything I want......
....but he's Baptist. So far, we've been respectful of each others' beliefs (or lack of them) and we're both fans of life and passion in anything as long as you're true to yourself but.....butbutbut.....he's Baptist! We're still getting to know each other, so we are still being polite (yes, admit it, we all pretend to be someone more personable than who we really are or no mating would ever happen and anyone who denies this is a dingleberry), but I kinda wonder WHEN it's going to hit the fan.
Should I bother? I don't want to be one of those ppl that excludes all religious people from her life but....I don't like religion. I HATE religion! Conversely, we all whine when religious people exclude us from their lives, how can we exclude religious people from our lives?
Do you think it will hit the fan?
If it does, do you think it will be impossible to wipe off the walls after it does?
Am I being too paranoid and sabotaging the relationship?
Should I just nail him a whole lot so we don't have to talk about religion?
It drives me crazy that people always assume there will be children! My parents always expressed to me how important it was to make sure I didn't date guys from different religions (including catholics), because how would we decide to raise the children? Haha, the joke is on them. I'm childless and gay!
On 3., I do not bow my head during prayers. I just sit quietly and try not to be irritated while I wonder how many other people in the room are wishing the prayer could have been skipped.
Should I just nail him a whole lot so we don't have to talk about religion?Nah. Just move to Indiana, nail me a whole lot, and talk about religion all you want :D
That's what they want us to think, yeah. Most born again Christians are a bunch of hypocrites who act all saved and pure, then go and do all of the stuff that violates their beliefs, which they preach at the unbelievers about.
Anyway, not all Baptists are fundamentalists. There are liberal Southern Baptist churches. One of my friends from high school is a member of one of them. They're not part of the Southern Baptist Convention. Those are the guys who are the ultra-conservative, patriarchal, fundamentalist ones.
Once you stop talking about Southern Baptists, you can pretty much give up on being able to rely upon any sort of stereotype. The other Baptists are all over the spectrum. For that matter, even if the Baptists in question belong to a fundamentalist church, there are plenty of hypocrites who don't really believe everything their preacher says. They tend to be a bit fundamentalist, but that's not a guarantee.
You say you HATE religion. The caps are yours.
In a further post you say some of the things he says make it sound like if the right person comes along he and his family might just convert or something like that.
The first part really makes me wonder how much your bending to try and get the first part to work with some hope that it'll all work out in your favor in the end. The second part makes me think he is playing you. Maybe not intentionally but something there just don't smell right.
The two things put together make me think there will be tears down the road. Someone’s or both...
But then again most relations end that way anyway. I'd give this relationship a much lower potential then most but that’s not zero chance. What’s your risk aversion?
This happened to me once. He was Catholic, but moderate. I noticed as time went on how much religion had held back his thinking. He tried to be a modern man but would come out with remarks about "all these women who go to out drinking all the time". Sorry? What? And women with children going out having a 'good time'. Heaven forfend!! A good time! Under the surface was the crap. Suffering (especially for women) was enobling, sacrifice and those good old fashioned 'family values' -religion by another name, like atheists don't love and care for family and friends, was a central fantasy of his which further down the line I could see making my life become less mine and more 'goverment and bible proscribed'. It also made him timid, in thought and deed. He didn't experiment, play, take chances, oppose injustice too much.
Finally I was accused of never having accepted this part of him whereas he'd accepted my atheism. This was actually true. But under the surface lay his disapproval, and after marriage, I've seen it happen to others, the 'Man of the House' will slowly make his appearance. Right after you've had kids.
For me, it was never again. But only you can tell with this guy. Use your intuition. You know the answer already.
I experienced something quite similar - I was in love by day 2 and then found out he was VERY Catholic. I spent 6 months working out how to make the difference of opinion work, but the problem in the end was a little bit of 'how do we raise kids' and 'will your parents ever accept me' but it was MOSTLY this statement:
"I don't respect your opinions or views."
Neither one of us said it, but all of our actions implied this. We would have to skirt around issues, say repeatedly "We'll cross that bridge when we get there." and we endulged in the lust (nailed each other a lot) but in the end we could not make progress in our relationship. We both had a willingness to make this work (hell it was even long distance, and that wasn't an issue) but the difference in our lives, thoughts, hopes, dreams, etc... just too big of a jump. We couldn't truly share with each other.
I totally understand wanting to make this work. I sure did.
I will leave you on a happy note: I am now engaged to the ACTUAL man of my dreams, and yes, he is an atheist as well.
I see you posted in April. I hope all is well with you now.
I had a blow-up similar to yours. Serious, intense Protestants are bad enough, but someone who accepts the authority of the Catholic church structure which is doing so much evil in the world and covering it up ...
Yeah, it comes down to respect. If someone has a vague belief in some sort of god, and needs to hold on to the possibility of an afterlife, out of some sort of emotional need ... I'd rather she didn't, but I could cope with that if we got along in every other way. If someone seriously believes in the Bible and submits to one of the huge, authoritative churches of this world ... if she molds her entire life around the religion, we're going to have problems. I can't seriously respect that sort of thing.
When you get to the actual dogma, I like Catholic teachings better than Evangelical teachings. Doing penance and making it into heaven by way of your actions, rather than making a blind declaration that you accept Jesus as your savior, and you get greased into heaven, no matter what horrible things you've done ... yes, that's a morally superior foundation.
Of course, then they promptly pervert the foundation, accepting money in exchange for absolution ... propping up the monolith that is the Catholic church, with lies, cover-ups, and coercion (such as the way that various Bishops keep threatening Catholic politicians of other countries), because the hierarchy comes to consider the structure more important than what the structure stands for.