Over in the "Why are you single?" thread, Jezzy made the most awesome suggestion that we could use a "Why should you not be single?" thread.

Not that venting is a bad thing. Most of us are here largely out of frustrations over singleness and feeling like lone atheists isolated on our little desert isles around this planet. In which case ... Sell it! Take a moment to focus on the positive! Tell us all why you're awesome and what we're missing out on by not dating you! (At which point we'll seriously need to do some more venting about how we are totally awesome yet still feel alone and isolated on our little desert isles).

Kicking things off....

My social weakness is also my strength.

Asperger's may give me all the social grace of the bumbling, comic-relief sidekick in an action comedy, but it also means what you see is what you get. Judging from the stereotypical things-about-girls-that-frustrate-guys, I believe I should come as a welcome relief. For instance...

I don't play emotional guessing games.

I literally don't know how. If I'm mad at you I'll tell you why. If I can't bring myself to tell you why, then I don't feel I have a right to be mad at you.

I don't want you to be my therapist and I'm not going to try and be yours.

We all need to cry on a shoulder once in a while. But I'm not going to make you sit through hours of needy girl gossip or cling to you every second of the day. I'm not going to call you 5 times a day while you're at work and try to micromanage your life. If you go away on a business trip, provided I don't get a ransom demand or next-of-kin call from the ER I'll assume you got there safely. I'd love to hear the good news that your meeting was a success or I'll be there for needed venting if it sucked ass. But I really don't require you to check in with me every 8 hours and assure me you aren't there for a sordid affair.

I didn't inherit the shopping gene. You're welcome.

I'm sooooo not a fashion diva and I can think of no worse torture or greater waste of my time than to spend the day shopping. With the rare exception of shopping for something big and specific, like a trip to Home Depot for a home improvement project. I *heart* tools.  

I didn't inherit the hours-spent-primping gene. You're welcome.

I will not get up at 4am and fill the bedroom with the roar of the hair dryer and competing-with-oxygen cosmetics and styling products. Nor will I refuse to let you touch me at night until I've spent an hour disassembling it all. I bathe, I run a brush through my wet hair, I put on clean clothes, and I'm pretty much good to go. 

I bring no girly hobbies to the table. 

Our lives will not be overrun with my hummel dolls or Hello Kitty collection. I will not require you to go to a chick flick with me, but I might invite you to come with me to the midnight showing of "The Avengers." Camping, hiking, motorcycles. I assume you're down with those things?

Sports is the exception. I find watching most sports boring as hell. But I like going to an occasional baseball game.

Please, please, please; do NOT buy me flowers!

"Surprise! I fixed the running lights on your motorhome and made you salmon for dinner!" says I love you far, FAR better than "Surprise! I blew a hundred bucks on something that does nothing more than look pretty and will be dead in a week!" Same goes for expensive jewelry. The $30 tribal-design necklace from the nature museum looks way cooler than the $900 diamond necklace from the mall. And you can spend the other $870 on something more useful, like a big screen TV with surround sound, which has way better odds than any frilly diamond of getting me over to your place for animal sex on the couch. 

I don't expect lavish vacations either. Though if you're filthy rich, I probably won't complain. Even so, a surprise weekend getaway at a fancy day spa; meh. Surprise weekend getaway to DragonCon; you've won my heart.

Finally, while looks aren't everything...

Sorry guys, I'm no Hollywood Hottie. But I'm not hard to look at either. The love handles are at a manageable size. But the tradeoff for inheriting mother's birthin' hips is that I also got the gene that will always make me look a decade younger than I am. I take great issue with our youth-obsessed culture, but the other end of the extreme is people who take little or no care of themselves and look 60 by the time they're 40. The shallow tabloid girl in me absolutely loves it when an actress shows up on screen who is my age and looks older than I do. Considering they get paid obscene amounts of money to look younger, I get a little snobbish-happy knowing I did it basically for free by not smoking, not drugging, taking reasonable care of myself and a little help from genetics. 

Ok folks, your turn! Tell us why we should be falling head over heels for you! 

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Replies to This Discussion

There is *such* pressure in society to be a couple and married it's ridiculous! I notice it now after being single for a little while. I'm also 29 and I notice that pretty much everyone is now getting married. It's like you're odd if you're not married. "All the good ones are gone." I think they just settle for "somebody" and get married because they want to get it over with. That is why so many people divorce later because they rushed to choose someone so quickly! I think also some people just marry anyone who has at least a little bit of money so they can fulfill the social pressure to have a nice house or other things they couldn't afford being single. I also notice some people who haven't had boyfriends or girlfriends and were late bloomers who married the first person who took interest in them. Come on!
I was engaged at 23 but called it off after a couple years after I actually moved in with the guy ("lived in sin") and saw his true colors. I am so glad I didn't marry him or anyone I have dated! I am so sick of this pressure to marry even if it's subliminal. And don't get me started on the children thing...
Reminds me of a couple people I know who got engaged to someone after dating for maybe 3 months. I mean really, after that little time, most people still haven't let down their guard and started acting normally. It doesn't sound like you were quite that impetuous, but similar situation where he just started acting completely differently, after you crossed some threshold.

What sort of true colors were those, that they only showed up once you had moved in? Was he a total slob or something a bit more dramatic and actively negative?

I think that's at least one positive aspect about me. I don't think I have any actively negative behaviors, just several passive ones. And I'm obsessive-compulsive, so no, I'm not putting on an act; I really am that neat and self-conscious about my actions ... and will continue to be so after we've been dating for 5 years.

Of course the OCD is probably annoying to live with, if someone isn't also a 'system' sort of person. Then, I'm also bi-polar, which is probably fun. I don't get actually depressed, at the lower end of the cycle, but I have no energy and not a whole lot of initiative, at those times. I can be dragged out to do things, but if a woman wants a more dominant, plan-maker in a guy, she's not going to get it during the downswing of the cycle.
Simply don't deserve to be single because of the superstitious religious,

I like that sentiment. Yeah! Why should only the religious get to date! Just because it's a challenge for two atheists to physically break through a Theist blockade to cross the 200 miles between them...
Why should I not be single?

- Because someone would be denied the attentions of a very intimate and caring person.
I am attentive and try to be considerate in every aspect. Some people would say that I am indecisive; I just don’t care to make decisions for other people, especially when I have absolutely no position on the outcome. I generally prefer to allow someone else the opportunity to do what they like and will voice my opinion only when I have a strong desire in one direction or another. Most of the time, I just don’t care because I am spending time with someone special to me.
- A person's secrets are safe with me. Everyone has something they are ashamed of or wish that they had not done. Anything which has been entrusted to me will never leave my lips or EVER used as ammunition in an argument. People who betray trust in that fashion are engaging in a special sort of violation.
- I do not like standing hostilities, so I pursue peace in a relationship. I believe that a couple should settle their differences before they go to bed. (Now, being able to debate issues with my significant other would be wonderful and entirely different.)
- Philosophy: Life IS a journey; the destination is the same for all of us, so I like to appreciate the numinous experience of existence on many levels.

There are surely other features, I have just related the ones I am probably most fond of and appreciate about myself.
I don't have a bad temper, I don't throw tantrums, I don't make people uncomfortable by using embarrassingly inappropriate melodramatic intonation. I will act like I think I am confident and like I think I am an adult rather than allowing a woman to treat me with the same attitude one has toward a kid or invalid.

Of course in case I have children they won't be brainwashed into doing a religion and whatever a religion says you have to do, and I'm thinking of all the obsessive-compulsive damaging or at least time-wasting behaviors Judaism makes you do. In case I have a son, I'm NOT going to let someone cut off part of his penis, and He is not going to a doctor or if he does at least the kid will not get shots, blood tests, someone trying to feel for his intestines, or other traumatic stuff I had happen to me that should not happen to my own kid. If my kid tries to talk to me in public I will face him to see what he/she wants to say rather than looking away, trying to make people think I'm being perfectly good while my kid is harassing me.
He is not going to a doctor or if he does at least the kid will not get shots, blood tests, someone trying to feel for his intestines, or other traumatic stuff I had happen to me that should not happen to my own kid.

Umm, you're starting to sound like an anti-vac type ... only you're going well beyond that even. Hell, in saying that your child won't be going to a doctor, you're starting to sound like a Christian Scientist.

If a doctor is feeling for his intestines, it means that the doctor may be concerned about something wrong with his intestines. You can get hernias and such, and you need to check for and fix that sort of thing, if there's a reason to think that something like that might have happened.

And, umm, there are a whole lot of things that can only be detected by blood tests. You sound like you're going to deny your children basic, diagnostic checkups. I don't think you're doing them much of a favor.
Are you overestimating the need for doctors? In American culture, doctors are trusted like gods, but sometimes they make mistakes, there are medical malpractice lawsuits, adverse drug interactions, mistakes in surgeries, and so on. If a child is not sick or injured, then since going to the doctor is so traumatic, obviously, the small benefits of the doctor visit (the parent doesn't worry someone will think he is a bad parent) outweighs the negative effects (the child cries like crazy and hits/kicks you and yells at you for taking him to the doctor). I despise my mother for taking me to the doctor and I see no reason to unnecessarily traumatizing my own kid in case I have one. Of course I wouldn't avoid doctors if a kid is sick or gets injured but parents can still be un-naive and look up information about symptoms or know about some first aid.

I read that doctors might try to retract boys foreskins, because they don't know any better, so parents have to supervise the doctors and nurses and strongly intervene as necessary. The foreskin separates naturally at some point, and before this time it is attached like a nail is attached to a finger or toe, and retracting it causes bleeding, trauma, and damage.

You can weigh a child and measure his/her height without a doctor.
Heh, just ... wow.

You have no idea how many childhood problems are diagnosed by regular checkups. The doctor can notice little things that wouldn't ever occur to a parent to look for. I have a friend who is only alive because a doctor caught the signs of his leukemia in a regular checkup. Type 2 diabetes is also best treated as soon as possible. If you only go to the doctor after the child starts having horrible symptoms, he/she could already have organ damage which could shorten his/her life.

How about vaccinations? You never responded to that part.

And you bring up foreskins, yet again, with no prompting. You need to keep single issues like this from muddying your thinking about anything even vaguely related to the subject. It's time to get over it, man.

"the small benefits of the doctor visit (the parent doesn't worry someone will think he is a bad parent) outweighs the negative effects (the child cries like crazy and hits/kicks you and yells at you for taking him to the doctor)"

You've got to do better than that, in terms of negative effects. Every child I've known is far more reasonable than you apparently were. I've never encountered one who didn't understand the need for momentary discomfort, in exchange for being healthier.

You've just exposed it as a purely emotional reaction, on your part, considering the statement of the pros and cons that you gave.
I have to agree with Joseph here. When I was six years old, I had rheumatic fever, which affects the heart and limbs. One of the things I remember most clearly is that twice a day I needed a blood test, or rather that twice a day my parents and a team of nurses had to hold me down and restrain me while they tried to take a test tube of blood. I didn't like it, at least for the first three weeks, but at the time I had no idea of how rheumatic fever affects the white blood cell count, and can cause failure of the heart valve.

I came out okay. Forty some years later I have no qualms about what my parents did to me, as much as I screamed, kicked, cried, and bit (yup, bit) whenever the nurse came near me with a needle. Take good care of your kids. They may hate you for it now, but they'll thank you for it later on.
Yup, they'll definitely appreciate the memories, when that's all they have of him.
Heh, quite alright. Reminds me of a line out of one of Robert Asprin's books. You can tell how good of a parent you were by how quickly your children forgive you ... or something to that effect.

I haven't forgiven my mother yet, and I think I've got at least another 10 years or so on that. My father gets a free pass, because he's been dead for 13 years. Anyway, I had forgiven him for anything he might have done, long before that, and my mother has been stacking up more offenses ever since.

Personally, I don't drink. I've got enough forms of psychosis to keep me interestingly messed up, without the use of mind-altering substances. I stick to caffeine.
Personally, I don't drink. I've got enough forms of psychosis to keep me interestingly messed up, without the use of mind-altering substances. I stick to caffeine.

How quickly we forget the man who went nuts on caffeine...XD




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