Over in the "Why are you single?" thread, Jezzy made the most awesome suggestion that we could use a "Why should you not be single?" thread.

Not that venting is a bad thing. Most of us are here largely out of frustrations over singleness and feeling like lone atheists isolated on our little desert isles around this planet. In which case ... Sell it! Take a moment to focus on the positive! Tell us all why you're awesome and what we're missing out on by not dating you! (At which point we'll seriously need to do some more venting about how we are totally awesome yet still feel alone and isolated on our little desert isles).

Kicking things off....

My social weakness is also my strength.

Asperger's may give me all the social grace of the bumbling, comic-relief sidekick in an action comedy, but it also means what you see is what you get. Judging from the stereotypical things-about-girls-that-frustrate-guys, I believe I should come as a welcome relief. For instance...

I don't play emotional guessing games.

I literally don't know how. If I'm mad at you I'll tell you why. If I can't bring myself to tell you why, then I don't feel I have a right to be mad at you.

I don't want you to be my therapist and I'm not going to try and be yours.

We all need to cry on a shoulder once in a while. But I'm not going to make you sit through hours of needy girl gossip or cling to you every second of the day. I'm not going to call you 5 times a day while you're at work and try to micromanage your life. If you go away on a business trip, provided I don't get a ransom demand or next-of-kin call from the ER I'll assume you got there safely. I'd love to hear the good news that your meeting was a success or I'll be there for needed venting if it sucked ass. But I really don't require you to check in with me every 8 hours and assure me you aren't there for a sordid affair.

I didn't inherit the shopping gene. You're welcome.

I'm sooooo not a fashion diva and I can think of no worse torture or greater waste of my time than to spend the day shopping. With the rare exception of shopping for something big and specific, like a trip to Home Depot for a home improvement project. I *heart* tools.  

I didn't inherit the hours-spent-primping gene. You're welcome.

I will not get up at 4am and fill the bedroom with the roar of the hair dryer and competing-with-oxygen cosmetics and styling products. Nor will I refuse to let you touch me at night until I've spent an hour disassembling it all. I bathe, I run a brush through my wet hair, I put on clean clothes, and I'm pretty much good to go. 

I bring no girly hobbies to the table. 

Our lives will not be overrun with my hummel dolls or Hello Kitty collection. I will not require you to go to a chick flick with me, but I might invite you to come with me to the midnight showing of "The Avengers." Camping, hiking, motorcycles. I assume you're down with those things?

Sports is the exception. I find watching most sports boring as hell. But I like going to an occasional baseball game.

Please, please, please; do NOT buy me flowers!

"Surprise! I fixed the running lights on your motorhome and made you salmon for dinner!" says I love you far, FAR better than "Surprise! I blew a hundred bucks on something that does nothing more than look pretty and will be dead in a week!" Same goes for expensive jewelry. The $30 tribal-design necklace from the nature museum looks way cooler than the $900 diamond necklace from the mall. And you can spend the other $870 on something more useful, like a big screen TV with surround sound, which has way better odds than any frilly diamond of getting me over to your place for animal sex on the couch. 

I don't expect lavish vacations either. Though if you're filthy rich, I probably won't complain. Even so, a surprise weekend getaway at a fancy day spa; meh. Surprise weekend getaway to DragonCon; you've won my heart.

Finally, while looks aren't everything...

Sorry guys, I'm no Hollywood Hottie. But I'm not hard to look at either. The love handles are at a manageable size. But the tradeoff for inheriting mother's birthin' hips is that I also got the gene that will always make me look a decade younger than I am. I take great issue with our youth-obsessed culture, but the other end of the extreme is people who take little or no care of themselves and look 60 by the time they're 40. The shallow tabloid girl in me absolutely loves it when an actress shows up on screen who is my age and looks older than I do. Considering they get paid obscene amounts of money to look younger, I get a little snobbish-happy knowing I did it basically for free by not smoking, not drugging, taking reasonable care of myself and a little help from genetics. 

Ok folks, your turn! Tell us why we should be falling head over heels for you! 

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Replies to This Discussion

The problem seems to be that you're looking for someone to "explain women"...as if that is possible or even desirable. You can't explain women because people are complicated individuals and understanding just one of them would be an impressive feat. There is no model that will work for all women, because no two people are the same.

My advice would be to stop trying to understand "women", and start trying to understand individuals. You will never be able to understand all people, so put your effort into learning about specific people who you admire and want to become closer to.
This was less a rant on "understanding" and more a statement on emotional honesty.

This started because the statement that Jo made about not making people play an emotional guessing game.

This goes beyond women, I think everyone should just be honest with themselves and their feelings.
I think it was Oscar Wilde who said something to the effect 'Women are to be loved, not understood' :)
Umm, I don't think he had what you'd call a traditional view on the subject, though.
He may not have been batting for team blue, but he sure seemed to know how to coach!
Heh, true enough. He seemed to be in touch with his feminine side, after all.
Thank You for not having secret emotions and feelings that we're supposed to interpret.

You're welcome. And I do feel strongly that I only have a right to be mad if I'm willing to say something and suggest a solution. Though it gets me in trouble a lot. Must learn to simply not be mad at work.

I had to train myself not to say certain things. I was so bad in my youth a lot of people thought that I lacked an internal monolouge.
Great thing to have a thread like this. I've been entertaining the possibility of being "openly asexual," and this has worked well in practice anyway. I have been single my entire life and have not suffered the slightest inconvenience for it (indeed, been spared some). I happened to read Jezzy's original post and I couldn't agree more with what she said about permanence (which, at least as I interpreted, is something like: why bother with a relationship at all unless your goal is to make it permanent). At any rate, this has been my personal opinion for most of my life, and one that I was surprised to find foreign to most people my age. (Indeed, most of my ideas of how a relationship should begin and be appropriately STRUCTURED are foreign to most people my age.)

Aside from this, my primary difficulty is ALSO because I'm an atheist feminist.

Anyway, with regards to the specific purpose of this thread, I can't really think of anything that anyone is missing out on, but I'm SURE there's something. LOLZ
Not sure I could do the asexual thing, unless you include being very sexual ... just by yourself.
Haha. Well, let me rephrase that a bit. I perhaps meant "Asexual in practice." Me, for instance: in every possible conceivable way I'm still heterosexual, and I would not turn down any romantic heterosexual advances from a member of the opposite sex SOLELY on the basis of being "asexual in practice" (in other words, I would be neither less discerning nor less interested than the next heterosexual male). But I do not actively seek anyone at all; I can't even be said to flirt. [Though, granted, there are a few exceptions that prove the rule. An example is my flagrantly flirtatious, but non-romantic and non-sexual, friendship with a female friend of mine; that has persisted somehow in spite of our agreement that it "would never work out", and in her case, several boyfriends (who, for some reason, have never complained or even hinted at jealousy).] However, none of this means that, should someone sufficiently excite my interest (please don't take that wrong), I might change that.

In summary:
-Asexual in practice refers to my policy of "Tit for tat" heterosexuality -- where I consistently act neutral in terms of interest (I don't really have crushes anymore), leaving the first move to "them."
-Heterosexual in theory, of course, is my actual sexuality.

Oi, I know what you mean on crushes. It seemed like I had no interest in anyone, and then the slightest interest would be crushed when I found them to be morons or asshats. I had kind of forgotten what random, frivolous infatuation feels like.

And then the other day I opened the door for an attractive man with a leg brace, and it seemed that my new-found dignity and self-respect spilled all over the carpet. Also, his drink. Luckily it was clear (Sierra Mist?).

Turns out it's kind of a hollow, empty feeling. And as I let my mind wander freely I realized that math was not all that interesting. That's when I suddenly understood why so many students don't pay any amount of attention in class. And I was reminded why so many girls tried so hard, as I looked at myself in the car mirror, feeling as if I'd been stamped on the forehead with "INADEQUATE".



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