I'm 17 years old, a Tunisian girl who lives in an islamic narrow minded world, I was raised by muslim parents who were born from muslims parents as well , every one around me is muslim.
Since I was a child, I was forced to learn the Koran and believe in its every single word without even questioning it . since the day I was born my freedom to think for myself was taken away from me . sometimes I wished that I was never born into this world in the first place, I would curse my own existence over and over again in order to console myself.
I was forcefully taught that Islam is the only true religion and that its God is the one and only true real creator. I didn't even have the chance to wonder or doubt, All I was told is that this God is beautiful, loving, caring, forgiving, fair, strong, selfless and so on ....
I remember at the age of 11, I once asked my teacher.
" Mister, if God is so caring and forgiving , why would he make a place as scary as Hell and torment his people so cruelly ? " back then, the teacher glared at me for a while then he told me :
" My dear, do never dare to ask such questions, you should never ever doubt our almighty Creator or otherwise you will end up in hell yourself ,"
Back then, I actually believed what my teachers and parents told me, after all I was nothing but a child. When I entred middle school, I started to realize that some inner voice inside me keeps telling that I should never beileve until I see for myself .
So I told one of my classmates , she was the top student in my class back then .
" Do you really think there's a God ? " she stared at me for a while then rolled her eyes away .
" girl, you should stop admiring westren cultures so much , it will bring you no good ."
the next day my teacher visited our home and told my parents .
" this daughter of yours is possesed by Satan, you have to save her as soon as possible ." so I figured ou that my classmate told him about our conversation, I still remember his words so clearly in my mind just as if it was yesterday
I was so frightened of my parents' reaction back then specially my father , but when I remember them now I feel like laughing .
my father kept lecturing me for endless hours telling that being born into the islamic world is a " mercy " from God .
I got scared and I thought that God is going to punish me for sure . at night I would cry my eyes out begging for forgiviness from the heavens. but nothing happened ever since that accident, now I come to terms with myself and I fully accept myself as a true atheist
Sometimes I try to keep my distance from my religious family members specially my dad who's so narrow minded when it comes to his religion because I know it will cause me endless headaches. Until now none of them knows I'm an atheist even though I try to make it obvious most of the time , the only ones who know the truth are my best friends, they weren't surprised when I told them, instead they smiled and said to me :
" We all know you're too open-minded to be a muslim ." it made feel great knowing that there are people around me who are willing to accept me as I am and never intend to change me .
hey ..interesting story.. i know how you feel . i am an ex muslim too. thanx for sharing . your story is another good reason for me not to tell my friends and relativs about me becoming atheist
thanx your courageous
Its so heartening to see girls like you coming from religious backgrounds, breaking free with their minds. I come from a very similar background, where I was taught never to question, doubt or even let those thoughts come in our head (as if thats possible). I admire your courage for even saying something while still in school. At your age I kept telling myself it was just a phase & I might grow out of it, or even be 'saved' if I prayed enough. Now I'm at a stage in my life where I have accepted myself but still feel lonely & trapped surrounded by all the close-minded, brainwashed sheep. I haven't been able to come out to anyone besides a couple of people (not really friends) I know for sure are atheists & will keep my secret. You're lucky to have at least a few good friends who have accepted you & your beliefs without expecting you to change. Btw, do your friends let you discuss & debate religion & beliefs or is it the kind of friendship that survives because you've all decided not to discuss each other's faith? Or maybe they're openly agnostic/atheist too. Just curious :)
I am coming from the same culture and community from India where there is almost 70% traditional muslims. I am surprised about you as a female atheist. It is impossible from our area. The main cause is the community that not allowed to live with atheist vision. They will torture, keep out side from the community and very difficult to get a marital partner for our son and daughter. If the communal harassment can stop there are more atheist born.
hey strong and courageous girl , i like u story . im a also from muslim country (Morroco ). i say to u "dont stop , continue it s ur freedom=hapiness"
Raghad, pleasure to see you on here! As a kid I also asked these sorts of questions, but was fortunate enough to have parents who were open-minded, and free-thinking relatives who I will not name haha. It sucks that you have to keep your ideas a secret, and that you were shut down by adults who should have been teaching you to think for yourself. I kept my beliefs a secret simply out of social pressure for a long time, and even now don't make it obvious to many Arabs. This is the problem with the entire middle-east, and the reason for their inability to move forward socially, to reform, or to escape the clutches of autocracy - it's a fear to think for oneself, and the fact that you overcame that is impressive and admirable. I'm glad there are minds and wills like yours in the Mid-East. I wish you luck, especially under this new, filthy government your people have just handed their freedoms to, and I hope you persevere!