So parenting is an unglamorous job, especially with special needs kids. I think we can agree? Since Ethan was a few weeks old, there's been various incidents that popped up and made me think "THIS is never mentioned on Mother's Day cards!"

The first one: Ethan was an adorable, smiley little 2 month old with undiagnosed GERD. I was laying on the bed, holding him above me in the air making coochi-coo noises. And then it happened - he threw up in my ear. I just laughed my head off.

Or the time he took off his dirty diaper and finger painted the kitchen floor (or the time he did it with the sliding glass door, returning his finger to his bottom for more "paint"). My first thought upon seeing the gross and glorious mess? "I have to blog this!"

Obviously, these are fairly gross examples. There may be less bodily-function related ones y'all can think of. But I find laughing at these things makes them easier to handle, and keeps my attitude from getting cranky with my unaware and sometimes oh-so-disgusting little guy.

What moments did you experience that Hallmark never mentions?

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I have a wonderful photo of Tristan at several months old. I am holding him up in the bath among all the bubbles. He has a big happy grin and big smiling eyes. Great picture. What it doesn't show is that he pooped in the bath several minutes later and after I'd cleaned him up, I had to have a shower to wash it all off me.

Peter didn't take a photos of that incident. It wouldn't have made a good Hallmark Card either.

I still remember all those nurses who sent me home with this high-input kid saying: Enjoy your child. Huh.

Then there were all those baby manuals which told me to wash milk bottles, prepare food, etc. when my baby was asleep. Snort. When, exactly, was this meant to happen with a 2 hr sleep-wake-cycling kid?
All these manuals assumed that the child was full term and had had time to read the Manual of Parental Expectations to the last page before knocking their head on the womb wall to be let out.
Actually Ben was not too bad in this department. Usually when things went ugly with him it was blood, pus, swelling, etc.
He did poop in the tub a time or three, and he blew out a few diapers. But mostly it was not so much cleaning him up that made the big messes. It was emergency 'keeping him alive' stuff.

Now his eldest brother OTOH: That kid painted his crib with poop and with Desitin on separate occasions. (In case you didn't know, Desitin is much harder to clean.) Biggest brother also vomited like Vesuvius (that was even my nick-name for him.) and swallowed Tanac (a whole bottle) and swallowed a whole bottle of multi-vitamins with extra iron, and put the car in gear and crashed it into the garage door when he was 4.

I think we could make serious money with our own line of cards.
For Mother's Day: A card showing Mom with poop running down her trousers.
For Father's day: A card showing the plowed down garage door.
And cute lines like, "Remember the time....." Or, "Sorry Dad"
Or better yet, how about, "Dear Mom, Thanks for putting up with all my shit."

LOL again.

It is wonderful to be able to laugh about all this crap (some of it literal) that we have been putting up with all these years.
LOL. Great idea, Leo.
Yeah, classic :-)
I see no one's posted here for a while, but I HAD to read your stories just to prove to myself that I wasn't the only one.

My darling little Danny came out screaming and didn't shut his mouth for the next 6 months. Colic? I'd never seen anything like that child.

By the time he was nearly two and had learned to walk, he would run through the house tearing his diaper apart along the way. I always joked that it looked like we were having a snow storm in our house (see? that would make a great xmas card--naked kid running through the snow).

That was just the beginning of what would be 15 years of tantruming. Here's something Hallmark never warned me about--being knocked to the floor by a kid who is bigger than you and then have him hit and bite you all the time you're screaming for help and trying to escape his evil hold on you.

Happy mother's day to me X's 19. At least they are all memorable years...
Thanks for sharing. It reminds me a little of the time my darling decided to practice screaming up and down the supermarket isles - for two solid days. He just turned 15 and mercifully does not remember this.
I must say, my sweetie was never really one to act out in public. He saved it all for home. Except for the one time he hit his pregnant teacher back in grade school. THAT was a phone call I'll never forget.
Ours used to engage in biting sessions. Once we were standing in a supermarket queue and wondered why the little girl in front of us took one look at Tristan and hid behind her daddy. It turned out she was one of the victims. :-(


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