Hi ya'll.

I'm a 49-going-on-50 androgynously identified, polyamorous pansexual. I live in rural Vermont, USA within view of the Green Mountains with my partner, two cats, lots of plants, and even more dust mites.

I came out bisexual around 21. That's about twenty-eight years now. It wasn't a big formal coming out, and I didn't tell everyone... just when it came up in conversation. It was not well received by some of my acquaintances, friends, and family.

In the early 80s, some women in leftist activist circles had become political lesbians. What I mean by "political lesbians" is that they felt that, because of a long history of misogyny, they should only have relationships with women. "Political lesbians" are not to be confused with actual lesbians. So, I got shunned by that group.

Around the late 80s, I started reading "Dykes To Watch Out For" by Alison Bechdel. In one strip, a character was wearing a BiNet shirt. That was the first that I'd heard of this organization. I was excited! So, I did some research, found it, found that there were some women trying to organize a BiNet Vermont, and got involved.

Of course, the women who were helping start the group moved to Seattle (is Seattle still a bisexual Mecca?), and I moved to Maine. Briefly got involved in doing some bi organizing. Moved back to Vermont.

I've been identifying as pansexual for a while now. I define that as being attracted to people who don't just fall within the Big Two Gender Binary. I've found some bi people only are attracted to girly girls and macho men, which is why I made the label change. I generally have to elaborate on what I find attractive emotionally/intellectually/physically anyhow, or explain the being bisexual or pansexual isn't just about sex.

When I'm in gay and lesbian groups, I identify as bisexual, just for the visibility. When I'm in bi groups, I identify as pansexual, just because it's most accurate.

Good to see so many people here, and hope that the group continues to grow!

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Replies to This Discussion

Maybe other people could post an introduction in this thread?
Well, I'm 31, going on 32.

I use the term bisexual to describe myself, but it is also kind of a gray area. I've been with both, but with males, I am more into the package, to be blunt, than I am in male facial features. That is to say, that, walking down the street, I will not be highly likely to stop and check out a guy just off facial features alone, like I do with women. I'm a bottom with a 'thing' for black guys. I love the male bodybuilder or muscular physique. I am into the occasional young crossdressers and some 'mixed genders'. I have a thing also for women who smoke cigarettes.

I'm single, and probably will remain that way, until I find a new job, and more money, to be able to RELAX a little and 'do stuff'. lol. I have a large amount of social anxiety, but can overcome it, when in a relaxed environment and not working at my job with the 'public'(where keeping my mouth shut at least ensures I won't say something smartass to a customer by accident.)

I do not define myself by my sexuality, and a part of me wants to find flaws and/or prejudice for and/or against most social groups. (bi, gay, straight, black, white, atheist, Christian, male, female, etc etc) I'm not sure if it's because I'm truely trying to be open minded, or just a part of me that is cynical and says 'fuck everyone', though. lol.

Anyway, that's all I can think of to say, right now.
I do not define myself by my sexuality

I don't think I quite understand what you mean. Why then create a group for bi/genderqueer people?
I only meant that things like my sexual orientation, race, gender, political label, etc etc etc do not define me in the sense that first, I am more than just my sexuality, which which is just one small part of me, compared to the whole and second, that i am not likely to conform to popular opinion with what any 'community' thinks. That is all I meant. I created this place because there was not one like it, but I thought there should be.
Heh. O.k. I understand now. Thanks for the clarification.
Hi, I'm 29 and started realizing I was bi about 20 years ago. I am married to a man from India. We have an open relationship although I've done more dating than him (even so, he is free to if he wants to).

I guess I could also say I'm pansexual b/c I like people of every type...feminine women or men, manly women or men, and even people who are in between male or female. I go with bisexual though b/c it's only words:) With women it is more like I want to do things to them, with men I want them to do things to me. Man-on-man action is also my favorite thing in the world. I also have tended to be attracted to healthy non-skinny women, guys with long hair, men and women from India. I've been attracted to almost every type of person so none of this matters, it's all about the individual person. I haven't had that much luck with women b/c I've mostly met two types: 1) bi-curious experimenters who were just having fun, and 2) lesbians who thought that b/c I was bi, I would be like type 1.

I can see what Brad is saying b/c to me being bisexual and poly is a detail about me. Especially the part about being poly. In meeting others who are poly, there are lots of discussions and books and conferences...I don't need to always be talking about it. Of course I need ways to work out conflicts and all that, but that would be the same if I were monogamous. I just happen to have more than one relationship sometimes, and I don't think of it as a big political thing--I certainly don't think one relationship style is superior to another.
Welcome to the group.

Ultimately, everything is only words, but immediately... not so much. I started identifying as pansexual when I realized that at least some bisexual people are invested in the Big Two Gender Binary, and are not attracted to transgender or intersexed people. My attractions are all over the map, and sometimes right off of it.

Relationships become political when other people try to mandate by law who you can and can't be involved with, and who you can and can't marry. I agree... I don't talk about being pansexual and polyamorous 24/7, but there are times when what other people think of pansexual and polyamorous people affects my life.

Someone I was talking with recently told me that some bi groups are offering discussions for women on how to approach women. I'll see if I can get her to comment here.
I think when I first heard the word "pansexual", I also thought it was more like being sexual about everything! haha

I hope I can find one of these discussions on how to talk to women...most women I know have a hard time with that too! Somehow it's easier to flirt with men, and have conflicts with them too.
Have you gotten involved in any conversations on how to talk with women since you posted this comment?

I seem to do a lot of initiating conversations, with men and women. One of the things I love about being online is that you often know at least something about someone before you communicate with them.

For instance, on Atheist Nexus, you know that everyone is at least a non-theist, or that most everyone is. I suppose there are some liars who don't answer the gateway question honestly and slip in.
Hello everyone!! Somewhat new to the nexus and still wandering around. . . Anyway, i thought I would join this group too because I am somewhat sick of the binary attitude of most people and groups.

I am married. Have been for 10 years. I just turned 32. My wife and I have an "open" relationship. Tried the swinger thing but it was difficult to find a couple that everything clicked. You know, both of them like both of you and both of you like both of them. So we have are own individual friends. If we ever do find a couple then great, but we are open enough and secure enough in our relationship to not have to be there or having fun at the same time. . .

As far as being bi goes, I like to think of a sliding scale and not just categories. I am mostly strait, but am open to all experiences. My attitude is if there is an attraction then go with it. My wife is a little more free and she seems to be attracted to more females then I am to guys.

I come from a very religious background that has taken me on a journey of years to get to where I am at now. I am lucky that my wife came from the same background and we took this journey together. Alone, I don't think either one of us would have done as well.

So that is a little about me. Find me, let become friends!! And if you are ever in the Phoenix, AZ area lets hang out and have fun.
Tried the swinger thing but it was difficult to find a couple that everything clicked. You know, both of them like both of you and both of you like both of them. So we have are own individual friends.

This is what I think is the difficulty about swinging. In this situation the option is either someone having reluctant sex ("taking one for the team") or someone else feeling left out.

It's so awesome the way more guys are becoming more relaxed about bisexuality.
A very belated welcome, Daryl.

I hear you about the binary thing. I've seen a lot of polyamorous couples (most often bi woman/het man) shoot themselves in the foot because they were only open to getting involved with another bi woman. I know one in particular that is doomed because he only seems to be attracted to women around the age of 18. They're both over 40 now.

It's great that you and your wife have had each other through this journey.

By fun, do you mean sex?




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