If you have cancer.

If you had cancer.

If you know someone with cancer.

If you want to talk about cancer.

We won't pray.  We won't blame gods.  We won't give credit to gods.  

We face the diagnosis and know, it is what it is.  

To the extent that we can, we will define our own course.

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Latest Activity: 8 hours ago


Cancer changes lives.

We have to deal with medical profession.

We have to deal with medications.

We have to deal with new discomfort and pain.

We have to create dignity, where there is indignity.

We have to deal with family members, friends, coworkers, and strangers, in a changed way.

We resolve to go forward with strength, resilience, purpose, pride, and integrity.

We define ourselves. Cancer does not define us.

Discussion Forum

Metastasis Visualized

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Daniel Wachenheim Jun 27. 3 Replies

This video makes it easier to grasp how metastasis occurs.Continue

Tags: metastasis, cancer spread

Sean Parker to Donate $250,000,000 to Fight Cancer

Started by John Jubinsky. Last reply by Michael Penn Apr 13. 1 Reply

Billionaire Sean Parker who was the first president of Facebook and a co-founder of Napster will donate $250,000,000 to fund immunotherapy research to fight cancer. This type of therapy fights cancer…Continue

New Hope for Hard-to-Treat Cancers

Started by Qiana-Maieev. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Apr 7. 2 Replies

Ancient Algae Offer New Hope for Hard-to-Treat CancersPosted: 06 Apr 2016 01:57 PM PDTIn one of the oldest life…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by k.h. ky on October 13, 2016 at 3:36pm
We're with you Joan. You can only do what you feel is right for your son and yourself.
My mom was on a daily stool softener. Something over the counter. My thoughts stay with you. Take a break when you need it. And we're all here for you.
Comment by Idaho Spud on October 13, 2016 at 3:31pm

Sounds like you're in a tough place now Joan.  I don't know how I would handle it.

When my wonderful dad was dying, I was glad I was far enough away that I didn't have to handle it on a daily basis.  Felt guilty about that, but that's the way it was.

Hope you can get through it OK Joan.

Comment by Daniel Wachenheim on October 13, 2016 at 2:41pm

My heart goes out to you.  You are right about not needing those rages.  There is nothing wrong with making use of a fake happy place, if it helps you cope.

Steroids shrink tumors that pinch nerves and press on the brain, which is the role of hydrocortisone.  The steroids help with pain.  They also cause heightened anxiety and rages.  Maybe they can give an anxiety medication in the tube, if not already doing so.  Also, prunes or pureed prunes in the feeding solution, ir miralax, or a laxative.  Not all at once, could cause diarrhea.

Is hospice involved?

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 13, 2016 at 2:30pm

Thank you, Daniel, Quiana, Chris, Bertold, Spud, Grinning Cat, and Kathy! I can't find the words to express how helpful you are with your sentiments and ideas. I know I am not alone, and I don't mean in the religious sense. I mean having friends, even from so many different places. 

Comment by Qiana-Maieev on October 13, 2016 at 2:27pm

Couldn't agree more. Things are tough enough.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 13, 2016 at 2:25pm

You are right, Qiana. I don't need his rages either! 

Comment by Qiana-Maieev on October 13, 2016 at 2:17pm

You have to follow his wishes in something like this, & rages he doesn't need.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 13, 2016 at 1:53pm

We settle into a new normal in our household. Craig came from Colorado to say "Goodbye" to his older brother, Cary. We keep the environment a happy one, with lots of smiles, affirmations, positive feedback for Cary. We all know it is a fake happy place, but we do it for me; I tend to wilt in negative environments.

To bring everyone up to date, Cary had a bad cough since last spring. The neighbors and I tried to get him to go to a doctor, he refused. In mid-Sept.Laura and Larry persuaded him to go and Laura went with him. He was diagnosed with esophageal cancer that spread to his lymph glands, lungs, stomach, and brain. He was given a month to live. It has now been five weeks. 

I make a small batch of soup using a different vegetable each day, I put them through a food processor, the blender and then a fine sieve. I pour them into small freezer jars and freeze all but one jar. Each day he has a choice of four or five different vegetable soups. 

He had a feeding tube put in; he wanted Laura to take him and learn the process of maintaining the formulas, tubes, and hygiene. He doesn't want me fussing over him, so I expect to be expending much energy writing and staying out of his way. 

I called an old family friend and asked him to come by; he was like a father to Cary when we first moved here in 1974-5. Cary came down to see him and asked him not to stop by any more. Cary wants no company. I guess I would't either if I were facing a certain death. 

Cary is in excruciating pain, is now terribly constipated. I haven't called the doctor because Cary goes into a rage when I make suggestions or take any action. Others do the interventions for me. I suggested to him that he is on hydrocortisone and that is what put me into the hospital after my fall and multiple fractures. He raged at me for intruding.

Cary just informed me that the doctor said to stop the pills and drink more water. 

Well, I guess he does listen to me, after all. 

Comment by k.h. ky on September 22, 2016 at 10:28am
I should have said she may be using cannabis. It isn't legal here :(
Comment by k.h. ky on September 22, 2016 at 10:26am
Oh Joan. I am so, so, sorry. Cannabis is the best appetite stimulant and comes in many forms. Even the drops for use under the tongue. Or so I've read. Thankfully it's available in your area. Many can be THC free. I would strongly suggest checking with a dispensary. A dear friend of mine has been using it, during this last battle with cancer, and she swears it helps more than any prescription meds that have been tried. You know you're in our thoughts. Good energy coming your way. With hugs.

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