If you have cancer.

If you had cancer.

If you know someone with cancer.

If you want to talk about cancer.

We won't pray.  We won't blame gods.  We won't give credit to gods.  

We face the diagnosis and know, it is what it is.  

To the extent that we can, we will define our own course.

Members: 22
Latest Activity: on Friday


Cancer changes lives.

We have to deal with medical profession.

We have to deal with medications.

We have to deal with new discomfort and pain.

We have to create dignity, where there is indignity.

We have to deal with family members, friends, coworkers, and strangers, in a changed way.

We resolve to go forward with strength, resilience, purpose, pride, and integrity.

We define ourselves. Cancer does not define us.

Discussion Forum

Metastasis Visualized

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Daniel Wachenheim Jun 27. 3 Replies

This video makes it easier to grasp how metastasis occurs.Continue

Tags: metastasis, cancer spread

Sean Parker to Donate $250,000,000 to Fight Cancer

Started by John Jubinsky. Last reply by Michael Penn Apr 13. 1 Reply

Billionaire Sean Parker who was the first president of Facebook and a co-founder of Napster will donate $250,000,000 to fund immunotherapy research to fight cancer. This type of therapy fights cancer…Continue

New Hope for Hard-to-Treat Cancers

Started by Qiana-Maieev. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Apr 7. 2 Replies

Ancient Algae Offer New Hope for Hard-to-Treat CancersPosted: 06 Apr 2016 01:57 PM PDTIn one of the oldest life…Continue

A Personal Cancer Blog

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Comment by Plinius on February 5, 2014 at 6:01am

I'm not a crier, or perhaps I am; I first try to decide what can be done best and I do that. Tears come later, but I discovered very late that you must make room for tears - or else. From perhaps my 10th to somewhere in my 40s I woke up every day feeling like I had been run over by a van. Never remembered dreams, but I was broken every morning. One day husband remarked that I had been crying and moaning very much that night - I never knew that I did that! Then we made the connection: my parents never wanted or liked me, and I cried about their betrayal.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 11:05pm

Don't pray for us, don't make sandwiches, go get a check up to make as sure as possible your body is free of cancer cells.

Comment by Dr. Terence Meaden on February 4, 2014 at 10:32pm

The day the GP told me that I had prostate cancer I was polite and quiet with him while being so very angry inside. Not angry because of getting the cancer  because that was decided by a gene defect in my genome---so that was my destiny; but angry because every January I went voluntarily for a medical and every time I asked the GP to check me for everything including blood tests for everything. And every time I got a verbal message saying that all was well. I did not know that to save a few bucks he was omitting the PSA test. So suddenly one year (six years ago) he calls me in to report that a PSA test had been done and my PSA was a startling 34 (which rose to 42 over the next 4 months). I had had the cancer for three years without anyone knowing (the PSA number was doubling annually). The cancer is what they call locally advanced and I am swallowing pills that cost thousands every year. So I am angry---but not depressed. I have always been a supreme optimist and will fight this to the end. The latest news is that I have 5 years to go---and of course I am hoping that new pills will appear during this time period to lengthen this further. Do any of you others in this group have prostate cancer? 

Comment by Idaho Spud on February 4, 2014 at 6:46pm

Doesn't sound morbid to me Mindy.

Comment by Daniel Wachenheim on February 4, 2014 at 6:07pm

I guess I'm different here. Maybe it's a gender thing. No tears, no anger, no denial, no panic.

Temperamentally I sometimes veer into depression, and there has been that. Or maybe grief is more accurate. Definitely for me there has been grief over losing the "no cancer" version of me, and some grief about other losses along with it. Some loss of the sort of physical or bodily integrity, where I've had to let other people do things to my body. I don't like that.

Also I feel I let my partner down by getting cancer. I do not want to put him through, what this puts people through. I still feel grief about when he came home and the EMTs were there getting me onto a gurney. He looked so panicked. He still tries to make me eat better and wants me to quit work, thinking that will help me get better.

I also feel some relief, that I am not putting my parents through this. They had good, long lives, and did not lose a child to cancer or to any other disease. That is a good thing.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 3:05pm

I'm a crier, at anything and everything. A real patsy for the stuff designed for gullible people. Usually the tears energize me to figure out what is so painful to hear or watch and attempt to make systemic changes. I guess crier, thinker, doer, celebrator just about sums me up. I am seriously lacking humor in that string

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 11:56am

There is no god that loves us, watches over us, answers prayers, has a plan for us, takes sides with us on the playing field or in the real field of life.
It is that simple.
We do have, however, all the stimulating factors of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling with our skin and feeling with our emotions, a brain, everything we need to think and act in the face of challenges.
The dependent, weak, acquiescent, obedient, submissive, fainthearted, compliant, passive, cowardly, docile among us will wring out all the time, energy and money from those who produce and feel justified in doing so. They do so in the name of their "god", whoever or whatever that is.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 4, 2014 at 1:22am

Yes, that is what I mean. You cry and then you think and then you act. That is emotional strength. Sure, one might run around for second opinions, or try magic potions before doing the real work. It isn't hard to sort out fact from fiction, especially in cancer treatment.

A dear friend from high school days, now living in California, called me on a regular basis telling me to drink hydrogen peroxide, and it would cure my breast cancer. I checked research reports, sorting out the nonsense from the real work, and it was easy to know what I had to do.

This false hope that so many are more than happy to shove down ones throat do more harm than good and should be told that.   

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 3, 2014 at 11:42pm

Oh Patricia! What an ordeal. I can't help but think about the experiences of women of my grandmothers' and mother's era and what they had to go through. Those of us who have easy access to facilities and modern technology are fortunate today. For rural men and women the drives to and from treatments are gruelling. I talked to many people who had 6 and 8 hour drives from home to the CCNW facility. Some of them had meager means and had to camp out in the best arrangements they could make. There is now a place where people can stay for these frequent treatment. It just opened up. Kind of like McDonald House. 

I'm sorry you had that long wait for test results. Nine weeks are a long time to wait. Surgery, then chemo ... oh my goodness, you must have emotional strength of a lioness. "Cancer waits for nobody!" You are my inspiration.

Comment by Joan Denoo on February 3, 2014 at 10:16pm

Living with an OCD is like living with someone with pessimism prisms, seeing the world through worst case scenario glasses. Quite the opposite of living with someone with optimism prisms, seeing the world through "what do I do now?" glasses. 

I do hope your sister has emotional strength to overcome pessimism! It appears to me to be such a useless frame for living. Further, it seems pessimism is easier to catch than optimism. 

Maybe exposing your sister to some positive images will help her maintain equilibrium.  It isn't enough to think positive thoughts, the negative thoughts can be replaced with healthy, positive, nurturing, life-affirming thoughts. Keeping track of the good things in one's life may help.  Try not to catch the pessimism virus.

We are here to back you up. Just know you are not alone in this event. 

Just a wee bit of cheer:

Winter is a time of quiet contemplation, of many things unknown, of darkness, and mysteries. It is that time of the year of dormancy; the time of an event that is undiagnosed.

Because time does not cure all ills, this is a time of thinking, of getting information, accumulating knowledge in preparation for the unknown and all it entails. This period is one in which one seeks information, explores options, weighs the pros and cons of each option.

Once all the information from professionals and your own inquiry commences, decisions need to be made and planning for action takes place. One step at a time. One bump in the road at a time until all that can be done is done.

I love Daniel's statement, "What is, is."

That period of unknowns is the beginning of a process of healing.     


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