I was asked, why I put so much emphasis on the difference between Epicureanism and Hedonism.
The background for this emphasis or even bias is my situation as a woman, who has an aversion against the commodification and objectification of women. But I am also on a quest to find a mindmate, who is non-promiscuous, monogamous, innately driven towards exclusive commitment. As a side effect of my search, I cannot avoid active and passive (reading profiles) contacts with promiscuous dogs from the gutter triggering my disgust.
I consider people's conscious attitudes, values, belief systems as corresponding and representing their needs, which on a subconscious level are determined by the strength and prevalence of specific instincts. Thus people often choose consciously the specific philosophy best suited to follow their instinctive inclinations, which is a method to avoid or reduce experiencing cognitive dissonance.
I also think, that there is a bell curve of a different strong instinctivity. At one end of the bell curve are those people, who are strongly driven to physical indulgence, while on the other end people are free to be guided by their cognition.
Unfortunately the social norm of oversexation presents those worst studs and predators as the standard role models for men. The decent nice guys, who have more need for a companion than for an objectivated woman's body are misled by this social norm not to allow or to admit to themselves nor to women, what they really prefer. As a consequence, the highest quality of men are those, who are the most difficult to find.
The philosophy of Epicureanism is connected with a a life style most attractive and suitable to people, whose cognitive needs are stronger than their physical needs. Epicurus is quoted to have said, that it is more important, with whom we eat than what we eat. A nice guy can make a positive choice to identify with this way of life instead of feeling as a failure by comparing himself with the jerks.
It would be sufficient to feel attracted to men, who call themselves Epicureans, if all using this label on themselves were really aware of the focus of the Epicurean philosophy and life style. But some uninformed and superficial people misunderstand Epicureans as hedonists, who are the worst kind of men. The hedonist philosophy declares physical indulgence as the purpose of life, and this includes the abuse of women as objectified bodies. This confounding is especially the problem in other languages like French, where the word 'épicurien' is generally used meaning hedonist.
In short, two philosophical schools are confounded, which have a few superficial similarities, but when it comes to abusing women, they could not be more different. One attracts the highest quality of men, the other the worst jerks.
Therefore to me it is important to find a partner, who not only very consciously and very knowingly defines himself as an Epicurean, but who also explicitly rejects hedonism.