SNOPES doesn't know if this actually originated by someone writing Dr. Laura, but it is good anyway. It has been around for a while, and if you have read it in the past, it is still fun and relevant.
Dear Dr. Laura
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them.
1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is,
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don.t agree. Can you settle this?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn.t we just burn them to
death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
Dominic, I've had this in my organizer in one format or another for eons. I really love this writing, regardless of who put it together!
Thanks for posting that wonderful chestnut. I misplaced my copy and wanted to reread it for ages now. Not to forget, Genesis, story of Lot in Sodom. After "God" turned his wife into a pillar of salt (tee hee: ol' Lot really fooled people), Lot impregnated his two daughters: obviously homosexuality is bad but father-daughter incest perfectly all right. But remember, Lot, two will get you twenty. What is more, the sin of Sodom was not homosexuality but xenophobia: in an age when most people were nomadic, refusal of bed, board, and female companionship was the real abomination. And, of course, science explains all: when Sodom and Gomorrah blew their boilers they sat on top of a mephitic gaseous pool left over from earlier times in the earth's evolution: a fissure followed by flames is what did S&G in.
This guy goes about 10 light-years past "despicable" and to territory where no bigot has gone before ... sorta. I note at least one comment about getting their tax-exempt status revoked. Oh, what I would give to see that happen even once!
The recent proliferation of bigotry, scapegoating, lies, and proud willful ignorance seems worse to me than I've seen since the 80s. I keep telling myself I have to stop looking. Then again, I tell myself I want to see the train that's headed down the tracks that I'm tied to.