LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends


LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends

Nontheist lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex people & friends.

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Welcome to Gay / LGBTQI Atheists & friends!

The I in LGBTI

Discussion Forum

Mean Sally says, "Go kill yourself!"

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by k.h. ky Jan 31. 9 Replies

Way of the Mister: Murder the Gays!!! (Brian Dalton)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Nov 18, 2015. 16 Replies

Gender Identity and Sustainability

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Oct 26, 2015. 0 Replies

Epigenetics and sexual orientation

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Oct 8, 2015. 0 Replies

Gaydar doesn't exist and it's bad?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Daniel W Sep 13, 2015. 2 Replies

Homophobia as pathology

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Sep 11, 2015. 0 Replies

The Trans Issue

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Denise Deiloh Sep 3, 2015. 4 Replies

Does Obama's gay advocacy exclude trans

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Joan Denoo Jun 27, 2015. 5 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Richard Healy on November 16, 2010 at 11:19pm
Marx, I agree - sort of - I've no real experience of this so cannot for definite say, however a friend has expressed a similar idea, only he terms it 'flowing' which is a bit romantic, but I get what he's driving at. He says when we flow inwards and focus on ourselves we turn our attention inward tends become negative and self-obsessed (do they like me?) depressive (no-one likes me why should they?) and 'paranoid' (They definitely don't like me). I'm caricaturing it, but he sees it a lot of closeted people on the web (I'm one of those) who arrive on support forums agonising over their emotions and why they'll never find a date or love and the world is against them. Now in some ways that is true (Americas bizarro-world crazy attitude towards gays/ courts / military is a fine an upstanding example of modern bigotry) but in a method reminiscent of that 'the power to change those thgins that I can and recognise those I cannot' deal - the solution to increased happiness and the curative to a loveless and destitute existence he says is to reverse the flow. So be less concerned with whether people will think you are kind, funny, loving etc and start *doing* kind, loving things, rather than sitting at home worrying about other people's perceptions. This has the benefits you might expect - it takes the focus of of you and projects it onto others (eg volunteering) or onto an activity IF you want to term it as a cause and effect you then stand a greater chance of being perceived as kind, funny, loving, when you are being kind, funny and loving you'll be around other people (from whence chance encounters and attractions can occur).

I think that kind of....attitude if I cna call it that dovetails rather nicely with what you were saying which is that if we think we need a partner to complete us (we are incomplete) or to be satisfied (we are unsatisfied) then this is the inward flow. The best friend, the one we can take care of, the happiness we can share is the outward flow when we focus our energies outward onto others and not wholly onto ourselves.

It's all a bit fluffy language for my tastes - BUT - I do appreciate the sentiment.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 16, 2010 at 11:07pm
Dan, I never had any complaints. ;-)
Comment by Daniel W on November 16, 2010 at 9:56pm
I just wrote a long comment then erased it. Too much overshare and too jaded.

All of my major relationships have been with nontheist. I never made that a rule, it jsut happened.

If I had to do it over again, I think I'd go for the best kisser & cuddler. That was a semi-evangelical Methodist minister on the downlow.
Comment by Marx on November 16, 2010 at 9:09pm
Consider the possibility that the happiness we seek outside ourselves, particularly in a relationship with another, is a dead end. No one else can make us happy, and no relationship can make us complete. Happiness is not something that we find outside ourselves. It is something that we find, or rather, cultivate within ourselves. The one who can best meet our needs, be the best friend that we can have, be the one who can comfort us and take care of us the best, is none other than our own self. I believe that once we become the one that we seek, once we no longer seek love from others, but seek to share the love that we have for our self with everyone else – that is when we will attract love from others.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 16, 2010 at 5:56pm
Here's mine
Comment by Dominic Florio on November 16, 2010 at 5:51pm
I feel the same way Philip. I miss being in love. I go from dating site to dating site. All I want is a stable person who is not religious, shares some interests, and is willing to share everyday life with me. There I go, writing my personal ad. LOL It seems that the closer technology brings us to each other, the further it keeps us apart. But, I'm not giving up either.
Comment by Phillip Borders on November 16, 2010 at 5:21pm
Richard and Dominic- Thank you for your comments. I have used internet dating sights and have been left a bit jaded. Maybe I should try it again. Dominic, I think you said it best when you said "let alone anyone of quality." That has been my issues- finding a mature, trustworthy person. There is a gay dating sight that costs $1000. That could also be an option, I guess. Seems too manufactured but it may provide men interested in a serious relationship. I'm trying not to give up on love.
Comment by Dominic Florio on November 15, 2010 at 5:10pm
Philip writes:
I am finding it difficult to meet men to date(and hopefully for something more). I would prefer to date an atheist. Anyone have advice?
Dom writes:
If anyone knows the answer to that one, please let me know also. I've tried dating sites and a local atheist meet-up, but find it difficult to meet an atheist, let alone anyone of quality, for a relationship.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 15, 2010 at 5:04pm
I agree . It is. :-)

Well I use and Okcupid - and they do have atheism as a searchable criteria and cater for exclusively gay dates.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 15, 2010 at 5:03pm
My cousin is visiting next month, I was planning on telling her before she comes and then we can talk it all through when she's here. I just know they'll ask me how I am and if I'm seeing anyone and I really rather not have to lie again then once they know that's breached the wall of separation between the interwebs, my friends and family so it can only be a matter of time till I'm out to my parents and sibling.

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