LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends


LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends

Nontheist lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex people & friends.

Location: International
Members: 623
Latest Activity: Sep 19

Welcome to Gay / LGBTQI Atheists & friends!

A TED talk on gay around the world.

Discussion Forum

First nationwide survey of anti LGBT youth violence

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Grinning Cat Aug 27. 1 Reply

Supported Transgender Kids Do Fine

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Joan Denoo Jul 20. 2 Replies

Famous Intellectual Michelle Bachmann to be Trump Advisor

Started by Daniel Wachenheim. Last reply by Grinning Cat Jun 22. 2 Replies

Religious Colleges get federal pass on discrimination

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Joan Denoo Apr 9. 3 Replies

Gay Suicide - Art Backfires

Started by Bertold Brautigan. Last reply by Bertold Brautigan Mar 30. 6 Replies

Caitlyn Jenner loves Ted Cruz

Started by Daniel Wachenheim. Last reply by Susan Stanko Mar 7. 15 Replies

Mean Sally says, "Go kill yourself!"

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by k.h. ky Jan 31. 9 Replies

Way of the Mister: Murder the Gays!!! (Brian Dalton)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Nov 18, 2015. 16 Replies

Gender Identity and Sustainability

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Oct 26, 2015. 0 Replies

Think Progress LGBT RSS

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of LGBTQI atheists, nontheists, and friends to add comments!

Comment by Marx on November 20, 2010 at 9:16am
Sorry for not getting back here sooner, but it has been a hectic week. Now that I am on vacation I have a bit more time for the things I really enjoy. I would like to clarify and expand on the thoughts that I expressed earlier in the week. When I suggested that no one else can make us happy and no relationship can make us complete, I was not suggesting that we not be in relationships. I have been in a loving relationship with another man for almost 18 years now. The point I was trying to make was about how to be successful in our approach to relationships. As I read some of the posts here, the feeling of longing for love, to be loved, is almost palpable. We all need love and it is healthy to be in loving relationships. The problem that arises is how do we attract people into loving relationships with us?

I imagine that a lot of us have had the experience of meeting someone who was really needy. You could just tell that this person wanted something from you, needed your attention, needed your approval, needed, needed, … What was your reaction to that person? Now think about someone you met who you could tell needed nothing from you, but just enjoyed being with you, making you laugh, making you smile, making you feel good. They felt good about themselves, they felt good about you, and just being in their company made you feel good. Perhaps in a casual moment they put their arm around your shoulder, or patted you on the back. They interacted with you and others in ways that could have resulted in them being rejected, but you could sense that they were not at all concerned about being rejected, because they really did not need anything from you.

I knew someone like this early in my life, in my late teens. He was several years older than me. He was doing an internship in clinical psychology when I met him. He also lived and worked at an orphanage that his grandfather had founded in a small town in Connecticut. I had never met anyone before who enjoyed other people as much as he did. He was so much fun to be around because you could tell that he enjoyed being around you. Like a lot of boys my age, I was struggling with relationship issues and fear of rejection and I shared this with him. I wanted to know how he got to be so good at making friends and interacting with other people. Here is what he told me.

When he was a teenager he had also struggled with issues of making friends, wanting to be liked, wanting to be in a loving relationship, fearing rejection. And then he told me about a decision he made that changed his life. He decided that instead of focusing on wanting to be liked by others, he was going to keep his focus and direct his energy on liking others. He directed all his social energy toward liking other people, no matter what they thought of him. Even if they did not like him, it was not going to stop him from making every effort to like them. No matter what anyone might think of him, he was going to do his best to think well of them.

It is ironic that sometimes in life we do not get what we want until we stop seeking it, and then, when we least expect it, it comes to us. That was how I met my partner of 17 years. When I was in my late twenties and early thirties I was getting desperate to find someone for a relationship, someone to spend the rest of my life with – to grow old with. I was rather bald by then, so I figured I needed to look my best if I was going to be competitive at the bars, so I got a hair piece to hide my baldness and I started seriously looking for the love of my life. Well, needless to say, I got nowhere. In retrospect I realize that I was trying much too hard and I expect that everyone I met could sense it. I was approaching people from a place of my neediness. Finally, after a year or two of this, I just gave up. I resigned myself to the possibility that I would spend the rest of my life living alone.

My focus turned away from finding someone else to fulfill my needs and I began to put my energy into me making me happy. I decided to go back to school so that I could get a better job and improve my life. I began to enjoy other people more because I did not want or expect as much from them. I was having a great time being back in college. I was no longer desperately seeking the love of my life, I was just enjoying my life. And that was when I met James. He was one of my college professors, teaching a course in world religions (this was before I rejected theism). I stayed after class one day to ask the professor a question about one of the finer points of Hinduism. We found ourselves talking and talking and it happened to be lunch time, so he suggested that we continue our conversation over lunch. We began to develop a friendship and over time the friendship blossomed into romance. And here we are 17 years later. I was not desperately looking for love. I was just living my life. That was when love found me.

I would also like to mention that my partner is a devout Christian who goes to church every Sunday and prays every day. I would also like to mention that the clinical psychologist who had such a positive impact on my life also happened to be a Christian minister. My partner and I love each other more than I can say. We have learned over the years that sharing love is so much more important than sharing a belief about god. Our shared values and principles are the bedrock of our relationship and they support our love. We are also learning that if you are going to judge someone, judge them on their actions, not on their beliefs.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 19, 2010 at 6:50pm
I've made friends at the sceptics meetings I go to to the point they are glad to see me when I turn up, which is nice, but no romantic attractions.

I understand about the photo - but I can honestly say of the profiles I view, the ones without a photo I tend to pass by, it's a strange bit of psychology, but there's a profile saying 'pay attention to me but I won't show you what I look like!' Well alright yes I can understand there may be reasons for reticence but I'm much more likely to stop and read your profile and consider your advert as a person deserving of my affections if there is a photo I can see. Imagine if every time you introduced yourself to someone you hid your face? It's a bit like that.

I've heard craigs list is to be avoided at all costs, but there are other alternatives.

Honestly I find Match and OKC to be quite alright for both, types of people and for the atheistic contingent.

I think y'all just got to start looking in some new places. Also bitter is not good. Try stoic.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 19, 2010 at 6:36pm
Oh and cousins visit is postponed until February.
Comment by Richard Healy on November 19, 2010 at 6:35pm
Who smeared Vaseline on the lens?

Anyway you might be too late - I may have wrangled a date with a cute guy from Manchester.

He is a runner and totally gorgeous. I've been hoping he'd reply to me eventually and eventually for the fourth time of trying - he did!

Persistence pays off!
Comment by dr kellie on November 19, 2010 at 1:19pm
Craigery Morgan acting out a SNL skit involving Christopher Walken and Kristen Wiig. Happy weekend, gays!

Comment by dr kellie on November 19, 2010 at 1:12pm
Jay, you are correct. Watching him is like watching Kathy Lee. He is painfully simple, and egotistical. I feel sorry for Mika, too.
Comment by dr kellie on November 18, 2010 at 3:20pm
Like two men, sunbathing together on a beach...

Comment by Richard Healy on November 18, 2010 at 2:12am
Dallas, you just want me for my body. ;)
Comment by Phillip Borders on November 17, 2010 at 5:51pm
Thanks for all of the relationship comments. I guess I'll keep living my life as well as possible and see if I find that compatible person to further enrich my life.
Comment by James M. Martin on November 17, 2010 at 5:39pm
Religious Right Slams Gay-Tea Party Alliance

— By Stephanie Mencimer
| Tue Nov. 16, 2010 7:44 AM PST

Over the weekend, the conservative gay group GOProud co-authored a letter with some libertarian-leaning tea party activists calling on the GOP leadership in Congress to stay focused on the tea party's core fiscal issues, and not to go down the "rabbit hole" of divisive social issues like gay marriage and abortion. The move hasn't gone over too well with establishment evangelical groups, which have had an uneasy relationship with the burgeoning tea party movement from the beginning. I called the Family Research Council yesterday for a comment for a story I wrote on the issue, but never got a call back. Instead, FRC seems to have issued its response online, writing in its Washington update:

A group that had nothing to do with bringing the Republicans to power suddenly wants to dictate what the party does with it. GOProud, an aggressive pro-homosexual organization that desperately wants to be taken seriously by conservatives, is trying to force its way into the movement by persuading a small handful of tea partiers to sign on to a social truce for the 112th Congress...

FRC points out what we noted, which is that most tea partiers are firmly in the social conservative camp:

According to the latest data, an overwhelming number of Tea Partiers (almost two-thirds) believe abortion should be outlawed. About half believe in the Bible as the literal word of God, and most think that public officials don't pay nearly enough attention to it or religion as a whole. According to Zogby data, 82% of them oppose same-sex "marriage."

And the group sees a bit of hypocrisy in GOProud's call for Republicans to abandon social issues even as the group lobbies them for a repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't tell" and other expansions of gay rights. FRC takes this as a call for one-sided disarmament, which it soundly rejects:

For starters, that won't fly with the broader Tea Party movement which is solidly in the social conservative camp (see DeMint, Jim). Secondly, it's a losing strategy for America. We need to shrink the size of government, but America needs strong families. Those families—not GOProud's phony substitutes—are the backbone of society. Think about the welfare costs associated with the breakdown of social order. Think about the cost in terms of crime and the criminal justice system. What about the loss of human potential? Do these folks really think we can just eliminate those government expenditures overnight? What this crowd is advocating will lead to anarchy, which, ironically, would provide GOProud and friends a perfect environment for their lifestyle.

While the tea party movement may be in the beginning of an internecine battle to define itself as the movement of smaller government or one that also wades into fights over social issues, it's clear from the FRC blog today that the Republican Party is still engaged in a bit of a civil war. And that battle is likely to be fought not over any libertarian versus social issue focus, but over allegiances. Does the grand old party align itself with the new tea party activists (who are also socially conservative) or remain loyal to the old reliable foot-soldiers of the Religious Right embodied in the FRC? Keeping both camps happy is likely to be a Herculean political task, and at some point, the party is going to have to pick a side.

Members (622)



Update Your Membership :




Nexus on Social Media:


© 2016   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Richard Haynes.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service