My died died two weeks ago today. I didn't eat or sleep a week after he died suddenly from pancreatitis. I went to my shrink yesterday to go back on meds. Although I am greiving, I still need to be able to care for my family and function. I know religion makes other people feel better, but I feel worse when I hear religious nonsense. My dad is not waiting for me in the next room. He does not have a mansion in the sky. Even if he does, he is still gone to me. I do not like to hear that the purpose of life is death or life after death. To me, the purpose of life is living.
My Dad was such a loving, generous, happy person when he died, but he was not always that way. When I was growing up, he was abusive and cruel. While I was attending his funeral, I learned my still abusive mother is also dying - the same way her mother died through addiction and massive weight. I have a weight problem myself no matter what diet I go on, how long I stay on it, or how much I exercise.
The fact is everyone who ever deeply hurt me will soon be dead. I had stopped thinking about what happened years ago. I feel resolved in my relationship with my dad, but mother is a whole different can of worms. I am not sure I will find resolution there.
Also, I am just not happy with the way my life is going, but on a limited income, there's not much I can do about it. My dad dying has stirred up a lot of thoughts and feelings that I had put away.My sister is acting like a teenager and what is frustrating as 16 is beyond annoying and hurtful in a 43 year old. I wish she would just grow up. Sorry to ramble. I just have a lot of thoughts to work out.Thanks for listening and not telling me to pray, reflect on god, or to read A purpose filled life. I am really tired of that.