I'd posted this in an earlier discussion in September. Thread was obscure so no one noticed. I thought this might be a good place to repost it.
"I want to vent a little if you don't mind. I've mentioned this on another thread but I'd like to elaborate .
My mother died in June of 2007 of advanced bladder cancer at hospice about 6:04 AM. The hospice people listed her death at about 6:14 AM. (I’m no longer positive of the exact times). That’s because they weren’t there. I was. I depended upon these people to administer the needed drugs to keep her unaware and comfortable. I’m not going to go into much detail here but I fell asleep next to her. I awoke to find her dying. It wasn’t pretty. She died a horrible death. I pushed the button for help but by the time they got there they’d practically missed the whole party. In fairness to them somebody else happened to die a couple of minutes before my mother and they were busy there. If I had stayed awake I could’ve gotten the drugs to her on time. That’s something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life. It ain’t easy but I’ve no choice. I’ve never told anyone the details of her death. Probably never will.
She believed in God but also raised me to think for myself. She was no fundie by a longshot.
My brother is a fundie.
I told my whole family she died peacefully. Didn’t see the necessity in telling them the truth It’s not going to ease my pain or guilt telling them the facts of her death.
The funeral was not a celebration or an honoring of my mom’s life. It was nothing more than an info commercial for their fundamentalist religion. There were at least four preachers orating about how she’d known the glory of god who’d protected her even in her dying moments and now she was held in the bosom of jesus or some such bullshit. Her whole life and death, according to these guys, was an affirmation of the power of jesus, hallelujia!
Fortunately my doctor had given me some mild drugs to take before the funeral service. Due to this I was able to sit through the whole travesty without getting up and walking out or worse.
The drugs the doctor gave me have long since worn off. I could tell them the truth I suppose but their faith drugs will probably not wear off until they die. Why should I mess up their religious bliss. I guess in some ways I envy their obliviousness. But not much.