I'd posted this in an earlier discussion in September. Thread was obscure so no one noticed. I thought this might be a good place to repost it.

"I want to vent a little if you don't mind. I've mentioned this on another thread but I'd like to elaborate .
My mother died in June of 2007 of advanced bladder cancer at hospice about 6:04 AM. The hospice people listed her death at about 6:14 AM. (I’m no longer positive of the exact times). That’s because they weren’t there. I was. I depended upon these people to administer the needed drugs to keep her unaware and comfortable. I’m not going to go into much detail here but I fell asleep next to her. I awoke to find her dying. It wasn’t pretty. She died a horrible death. I pushed the button for help but by the time they got there they’d practically missed the whole party. In fairness to them somebody else happened to die a couple of minutes before my mother and they were busy there. If I had stayed awake I could’ve gotten the drugs to her on time. That’s something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life. It ain’t easy but I’ve no choice. I’ve never told anyone the details of her death. Probably never will.
She believed in God but also raised me to think for myself. She was no fundie by a longshot.
My brother is a fundie.
I told my whole family she died peacefully. Didn’t see the necessity in telling them the truth It’s not going to ease my pain or guilt telling them the facts of her death.
The funeral was not a celebration or an honoring of my mom’s life. It was nothing more than an info commercial for their fundamentalist religion. There were at least four preachers orating about how she’d known the glory of god who’d protected her even in her dying moments and now she was held in the bosom of jesus or some such bullshit. Her whole life and death, according to these guys, was an affirmation of the power of jesus, hallelujia!
Fortunately my doctor had given me some mild drugs to take before the funeral service. Due to this I was able to sit through the whole travesty without getting up and walking out or worse.
The drugs the doctor gave me have long since worn off. I could tell them the truth I suppose but their faith drugs will probably not wear off until they die. Why should I mess up their religious bliss. I guess in some ways I envy their obliviousness. But not much.
/shrug"

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Replies to This Discussion

WOW, I can't even imagine what you are going thru. I can see why you would feel guilty, however, the guilt will not change what happened. You will need to find a way to let go of the guilt. Not sure how either, I just know that it can make you sick. You are not responsible for what happened. They have monitors in the hospital, they should have had a staff member watching, that is what they are paid for. Even if someone else was passing, that does not give them the right to leave your mom alone.

My other son, is marrying a Christian, so he picked Heaven was Needing a Hero as a song for my sons funeral. I just sat there watching over 500 people crying like it was true. I just sucked it up and listened to them. It really sucked, how they read some bible passage, my son that died was an athiest, and would have just cringed at the thought of this religious crap being said at his service. It is amazing how we all have to just deal with them, and somehow we do, but it doesn't mean it has to be easy. Thankful for meds they do help numb you through the crap.

At least, even if it was a horrible way to go, you were there with her and she was not alone, try to remember, it would have been worse if she were alone, you were good to be there with her, no one else was there, just you. So they can all have their ignorance, religious crap, but you were there for her when she died, she was not alone, that is better then all their prayers . . .
Thank you Christina. I appreciate your taking the time to read and reply.
Hallelujia! To the power of drugs :)
Was the service in a fundy church? My best friend lost her mother 5 months ago, and even though she specifically asked the pastor of the church (where he mother had gone for over 10 years) to lay off the hellfire and brimstone crap (she and her partner are Jewish), he went and did it anyway, specifically looking at my friend and her partner while saying they had to repent of their sins and give their hearts to Jebus. I was livid and wanted to say something to the guy, but she said that basically, since it was in his house, they had to abide by his rules. She took it a LOT better than I would've!! Grrrr...makes my blood boil just remembering it!!! And to think, you had FOUR of 'em blabbering on!!
Was in a funeral home. My brother set up the service. He and his wife and kids wanted that kind of ceremony. I don't hate or even dislike my brother and his family...quite fond of them actually. Just a major difference of opinion on religion, evolution, and stuff like that. It was a pain to sit through that service though.
Thank you for the reply.

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