Many men join in the effort to reduce violence against women and children and other men. He speaks of the need to place responsibility on men instead of focusing on women to stop violence. He offers a breath of fresh air, as do so many of the men on this Atheist Nexus: Hang with Friends site.

Tony Porter: A call to men

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Good - I hope men join up.

Usually when I see a video I think "I'll watch it later" (maybe). I'm glad I took the time to listen! Thank you, Joan!

Tony Porter told some powerful stories from his own life, how the restrictive "man box" he'd been socialized into did real damage when he was a father of preschoolers, and previously when he was a boy.

It is good to see so many men in Hang With Friends who clearly view women as people, as equals; who express a full range of emotions; who are simply free to be whole persons.

The aspects of the "man box" are both symptoms and perpetuators of Dominator Culture. (Joan, thanks for attaching a graphic!) I'll repeat the list as text, to make sure it's google-able:



Do not cry openly or express emotions
with the exception of anger

Do not express weakness or fear

Demonstrate power/control
especially over women

Aggression - Dominance


Do not be "like a woman"


Do not be "like a gay man"


Makes Decisions - does not need help

Views women as property/objects
[especially sexual objects]


WATCH: How We as a Society Are Failing Our Boys

“The Mask You Live In” by The Representation Project explains how the way we have constructed the idea of masculinity in the United States doesn’t give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity, so instead, they are forced to go out and prove it.

Consequently, as young boys enter into adulthood, they end up missing out on what they actually want: closeness.

Here's the trailer

I'm definitely not in the man box.

Grinning Cat , thank you for post the "Man Box". For some reason, my Reply does not include a menu and so I post photos as Attachments.

Mr. Porter also mentioned how, as a 12-year-old, he and his friends felt the pressure that "real men" should be having as much sex as possible.

That brought to mind Al Vernacchio's model of sexuality; he explains that the common baseball metaphor -- first base, second base, "scoring", etc. -- is restrictive and debasing, and has many things wrong with it. A better model is... pizza! Most of us enjoy pizza, whether once in a while or every day; we have different appetites and tastes; when we have pizza with other people we talk about what toppings we both/all enjoy; and nobody criticizes us for passing up pizza when we're not actually hungry, or in the mood for different food.

"To Slide or to Slice? Finding a Positive Sexual Metaphor"

p.s.: the pizza model also recognizes that there are some people who (strange as it might seem to the majority) simply don't care for pizza. And that's fine.

The Man Box is articulate and insightful. I wish every man could take this seriously.

Grinning Cat, I am so pleased you are familiar with "Dominator Culture". When I read Eisler's book, the "Chalice and the Blade" I knew she was on to something. She led me to Marija Gimbutas, an archeologist who did much of her work in Old Europe and her editor, Joan Marler. One thing led to another and I jointed them on a trip to Turkey, Greece and Crete searching for temples of the goddesses. It was an experience of a lifetime and formed the scaffolding upon which I built my philosophy.

Ruth just created a new group on here, "Partnership Vision", precisely about Riane Eisler's ideas on Dominator Culture and Partnership Culture, and how they intersect with our tendencies towards violence.

Derrick Jensen writes that the man box is about the cult-of-masculinity aggressors vs. everybody else: "about putting everyone else in a box, the box of other, of less than, of trophies, the box of the violable, the box of targets, the box of victims, the box of the violated, the box of proof of the men’s own manhood."

(Dominator Culture, indeed!!)




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