Before you ask, no, I didn't write this. I discovered it in a comment on a Discovermagazine.com piece which talked about how gods opinion and the believer's opinion tend to coincide. Pretty sure I posted that here somewhere, but I'm not up to go searching for it right at the moment.
In any case, I thought this was good for a giggle at least, so...
My God is pretty self-assured, and quite convinced He’s right.
He made me in His image, so He’s green-eyed, blond, and white;
And He’s very, very wrathful with the folks who disagree;
He’ll hold a grudge for centuries—Oh, wait—that might be me.
He’s insecure enough to want to hear how much you love Him
And He never will forgive you if there’s someone else above Him;
He’ll jealously react to any threat to His domain
By smiting all His enemies—Oh, wait—that’s me again.
He’ll make the world a better place for those who think like Him
For those in opposition, well, the situation’s grim;
He’ll call jihad, or else crusade—some form of Holy War
Because He knows He’s always right—Oh, wait—that’s me once more.
He’s handsome, bearded, steely-eyed, deep-voiced and somewhat haughty
So wonderful, his naughty bits are never seen as naughty
But perfectly proportioned, grand and firm and never shrinking,
A miracle of awesomeness—Oh, wait—that’s wishful thinking.
Does that mean there are Flying Spaghetti Monster aliens, somewhere?
Entirely possible. Same notation as regards linguini and fettuccine, just for the record. I'm not certain about rotini, though ... it's so twisted.
White tie, of course!
Me, I'm going with penne rigata. Like a good idea, it holds the sauce well.