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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
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Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Discussion Forum

New Rule: Win or Go Home (Real Time with Bill Maher)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Nov 4. 5 Replies

In case you hadn't noticed, we have a mid-term election coming up in three days, and it's more than a little important.  With it we can take back at least one if not both houses of Congress from the Republicans and send a message to Donald Trump…Continue

Tags: election, vote, millennials, Hitler, Donald Trump

Alexa for Evangelicals! (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Patricia Oct 9. 1 Reply

Never let it be said that Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, is anything less than up to date with the state of the art as it comes to the modern household.  However, as a discriminating conservative Christian, Betty would never tolerate…Continue

Tags: digital assistant, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

New Rule: Church and Destroy (Real Time with Bill Maher - HBO)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Sep 30. 6 Replies

Bill Maher is an atheist [whoa, shock and amazement!].  He is also a dedicated opponent of Donald Trump and anyone who would support the man or his goals ... and that includes ol' Yahweh, himself!  As it turns out, there is a substantial correlation…Continue

Tags: Stalin, Mao, Hitler, New Rules, Donald Trump

concealing abuse (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Sep 23. 3 Replies

We think of institutionalized child abuse and for many of us, the natural reaction is to think of the Catholic Church. Certainly, their guilt is beyond question, even as the headlines of the Boston Globe early in 2002 and the more recent news…Continue

Tags: Children of God, Jehovah's Witnesses, David Berg, child abuse, TheraminTrees

Liberal Redneck - Climate Change the Game (Trae Crowder)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Sep 20. 2 Replies

Trae Crowder isn't just about atheism.  He has a deep and abiding concern about what's going on with this planet's climate and the all-too-probable catastrophe we face from a fundamental change in weather patterns.  That said, Trae is thinking about…Continue

Tags: climate change, Al Gore, Trae Crowder

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Comment by Joan Denoo on May 24, 2013 at 2:33pm

We and They 

Have you noticed factors held in common by these men listed below? They all know what is best for you, they teach and/or preach a dogma based on notions of domination and exploitation, they create institutions that instruct people to submit to their ideas, to obey, to yield, to sacrifice yourself to their beliefs, they have faith in ideas based on power over, not power with, and many people under their influence fail to flourish.  

Teaching college classes, parenting classes, at boys’ ranches for out of control boys, and teaching in battered women and children’s shelters, and in the county and state prison systems, I kept hearing common stories. I kept a tickler file and recorded the name and styles of those to whom my students and private clients listened, believed, and had faith in. 

Symptoms presented to me were depression, anxiety, overcompensation, underachieving, acting our, self-mutilation, headaches, stomach problems, and general angst in their personality.

My strategy, when working with individuals and especially when working with groups of people, was to teach them life skills such as assertiveness, active listening for meaning and feeling, identifying feelings, problem solving, conflict resolution, negotiating, reframing, organizing, scheduling, budgeting, and other basic personal and interpersonal skills. These all very easily can be taught and learned. Even the most rebellious boy, or the most depressed wife, or the outrageously defiance client can see the virtue of these skills and quickly turn their lives into a more efficient, effective and fulfilling way to be.

No, we do not deal with Hitler, Pol Pot, King Leopold II, Rev. Richard C, Halverson, or Rev. Richard Leon. But we have the same basic principles being imposed on individuals that cripple them and prevent them from being truly and fully human.

I most humbly disagree with those who say my kind of thinking puts us at “us vs. them” mentality, and we should not do that. I say, most emphatically, STOP IT! When some one or institution teaches the Passive Gospel or political strategies with the same message, we cripple people’s minds. We bind their minds in ways they do not understand or recognize. The harder they try, the worst their angst becomes. When we hear killer words and phrases such as these men preached, taught, and dictated, the individual cannot and will not flourish.

Just look at your own experiences in life. When others try to control you or dominate you, or tell you something that isn’t healthy, how do you feel? Do you submit, feel guilt or shame, obey without question? These are the attitudes, beliefs, customs, traditions and values that mind-bind, not for your benefit but for the ego enhancement of someone who wants to control you and dictate to you who you are and how you are to be.

If they say and do things that empower you to flourish, you have a true and trusted friend, worthy of respect. If you feel angst, pay attention to the words and attitudes of those with whom you associate. It is a We-and-They world! If we don’t understand that, we could spend a lifetime struggling to flourish and not have the tools to make it happen.

Joan M. Denoo, 2013-05-24

Comment by Lillie on May 23, 2013 at 10:42pm

I saw something similar to the car trying to pass illegally on the shoulder.  We were traveling on the interstate when traffic became backed up due to construction. This car came sailing down the pull off lane with a cop sailing right behind him. As everyone eventually caught up to him standing by his car looking very foolish stopped by the police, there were all kinds of jeers and catcalls.  Once in a blue moon there is a little justice in the world.

Comment by sk8eycat on May 23, 2013 at 10:00pm

Ruth, that gif is a hoot!  I've never seen anything quite like that happen, but I can't count the number of times I've seen some idiot switching lanes all over the place without even signalling, and cutting in front of big trucks and other dangerous stuff.  BUT when I got to where I was going (I don't drive anymore), there the idiot would be, at the bottom of the off-ramp, waiting for the light to change.

One of the (many) reasons I quit driving was that there are too many people on the road who think they're so bloody important that they don't have to obey the laws, and watch out for other drivers.  They not only drive like that on the freeways, they behave the same way on surface streets...while yakking on their hand-held cell phones.  Too frightening!
***************************
Change subject: I saw a great comment about Wolf Blitzer's "thank the lord" gaffe in Raw Story:

"We're here! We don't fear (gods)! Get used to it!"

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on May 23, 2013 at 4:32pm

Sorry to hear that you've had chemobrain already after your first treatment, Joan. It's great that your family is so suppoprtive of your communication here. I appreciate all of you.

On a lighter note, I imagine you may have been annoyed once or twice by someone passing you illegally by driving on the shoulder.

Comment by Loren Miller on May 23, 2013 at 10:46am

Comment by Ian Mason on May 23, 2013 at 10:04am

Glad to hear from you Joan and to hear that you're chugging along. That's a really good quote that I'm going to steal.

Thanks for your supportive comments, friends. It can be hard to see loved ones suffering on a downhill path. Your understanding makes that easier to bear.

Comment by Jessica Berman on May 23, 2013 at 5:44am
I'm sorry I haven't posted at all; my mother was treated for ovarian cancer this past year, but I follow the discussions. Joan I'm glad treatment is going well. The ChemoBrain is a strange thing. The whole process was a whirlwind for me, and having that support makes a huge difference. You need pampering at this time, and don't feel like you have to "be positive and happy!" You'll have good and bad days and that's OK.
Comment by Joan Denoo on May 23, 2013 at 2:04am

11:00 PM had my first bout of nausea; Rx took care of it. I feel wonderful. Absolutely no pain, I can't finish a sentence or remember words so Cary, Laura and Laurie did their best to understand what I am trying to convey. I usually get enough of a sentence out into the sound waves to give them a hint of where I was headed. We look like  room of game players playing "Finish Mom's sentence!"

The most lovely people in the Chem Room. So many different stories, each compelling and amazing rich in varieties. 

Thanks, dear ones. My nausea is now totally gone. 

sk8eycat, thank you so very much for sharing your experiences with your mother and her successful although difficult time beating her cancer. Her team of doctor and activist-pharmacist, did their job. So thankfully and successfully so. Your Dad's vein grafts added so much to the challenge factors at an important period of your life. You came through all that trauma with a keen sense of humor, In some ways you remind me of Archie in "Archie and Mehitable".  

''every cloud 
has its silver 
lining but it is 
sometimes a little 
difficult to get it to 
the mint''

Don Marquis (1878-1937), U.S. humorist, journalist. "Certain maxims of archy," archy and mehitabel (1927).

Comment by Ian Mason on May 23, 2013 at 1:09am

The medical profession seems to have improved in some areas at least. Personally I think some of that is due to the higher level of education of society as a whole. We know too much to put up with bad treatment now. I saw a documentary last year where an elderly psychiatric consultant and a psychologist dicussed depression and the consultant bemoaned modern "horizontal" society as having declined from the old-fashioned "vertical" where everyone knew their place. In the good old days people didn't think so much and therefore didn't get depressed. If they did they got better when a doctor told them too because a doctor had the power of authority. What a shit!

Ruth: the pic is a jam sponge. 2 layers of sponge cake with jam sandwiched between.

Comment by Ian Mason on May 23, 2013 at 1:00am

 

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