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Hang With Friends

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Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Discussion Forum

Your favorite photobombs?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by amer chohan on Wednesday. 13 Replies

Running of the bulls photobomb.Continue

An AN member passed away

Started by Deidre. Last reply by Deidre Aug 18. 4 Replies

Went into the chat room last Friday night, for the first time in a while, and learned that Mequa passed away. I had been good friends with him for a time, but we had differences and stopped talking back in the spring of this year. I knew however,…Continue

A Parable by Mrs. Betty Bowers

Started by Loren Miller Aug 17. 0 Replies

Betty Bowers is becoming SO GOOD at delivering as America's Best Christian, she now does 30-second parables!  (Okay, 32 seconds!  Picky, picky!) Have You Had YOUR Betty Today?Continue

Tags: bible, parable, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Goodwill to Few Men (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Michael Penn Aug 16. 8 Replies

Think Goodwill Industries does well by the poor?  Fact is, they do WAY BETTER for themselves, to the point where America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers, thinks they're ripping off the christian playbook a bit too well!  Have a look for yourself:…Continue

Tags: ripoff, Goodwill Industries, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Steven Weinberg on his anti-theism

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Loren Miller Aug 2. 4 Replies

I like the sound of Steven Weinberg's voice. He has a calming impact on me as I rush to get my home of 41 years ready to sell and plan and put into motion the new garden at my daughter's home. My home is full o empty boxed quickly filling with the…Continue

losing faith (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller Jul 5. 0 Replies

TheraminTrees has recently begun producing a new series of YouTube videos, which added to a wonderful library of earlier observations regarding his experience of religion. Good as all those pieces are, I personally think they pale against this…Continue

Tags: story, history, faith, TheraminTrees

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Comment by The Flying Atheist on June 22, 2014 at 2:18am

Comment by Plinius on June 22, 2014 at 1:11am

There's no cure for Asperger's. The best you can do is train children with Asperger's so they can handle contact with people better and understand their own problems.

Comment by sk8eycat on June 21, 2014 at 10:13pm

Joan, as far as I have been able to find out, Asperger's is considered a form of autism, and any treatment to deal with it effectively has to begin in early childhood. 

My sister was not ever affectionate with anyone, except animals, even as an infant.  And you know that back then autistic-type behavior was usually blamed on the mother....

She has never been on a date with anyone of any gender....never worked outside the home because she can't get along with people.  There were all sorts of problems, beginning with the first day of kindergarten when she crawled out a window and walked the single block home.  And screamed and carried on when Mother tried to take her back.

I just try to stay out of her way as much as possible, and I do make an effort to thank her when she does something to help me.  She does most of the heavy work around here now because my back and legs are so weak. 

I'm just going through a phase when I'm so tired of it all.

Comment by Joan Denoo on June 21, 2014 at 4:44pm

I assume you have researched to see if there are any treatments of Rx for this condition. I have never encountered it and haven't a clue as to how to live a healthier, happier life given the reality of having an Aspie to care for.

I certainly do hear your frustrations. Skills that help you build emotional barriers is the first step, at least as far as I can imagine and finding peace and equanimity while facing such a challenge requires conscious effort.

We live in a very interesting time in the history of human existence on Earth. We live on the cutting edge of change from the old values of rules created by power over. As children we learned how to either use power or submit to power as we developed. 

The new epic, the Anthropocene requires new skills, and especially when faced with challenges such you both face. The ancient tribal system has ended, when families took care of their own and the tribe assisted. During the last epic, we experimented with ways government took over tribal duties. During the Roosevelt years, a new care for people like the aspies grew and helped families cope. That all began to unravel and both Democrats and Republicans made it unravel faster in USA than Europe. 

So, somehow we have to recognize that we need new and different ways of being in community. It is terribly difficult for a brother or a sister to manage without community help. We can find better ways and we can be part of that new epic. 

Comment by Plinius on June 21, 2014 at 3:53pm

You should be proud of yourself, Sk8eycat, for living with an Aspie and for enduring what you can't escape from.

Your description is clearly of Asperger's, as far as I can see.

Comment by sk8eycat on June 21, 2014 at 2:57pm

Ever since I read the symptoms of Asperger's, I have been convinced that my (now) 69-year-old sister was born with it.  She's never been diagnosed because when we were children, nobody had ever heard of it, and she has been a JeeHoover's Witless since she was in her early 20s, and they don't "believe" in any kind of mind therapy. It's too late for her, anyway.

I have NEVER heard her say "please" or "thank you" to anybody for anything.  She hasn't had any tantrums lately, but she still occasionally whines about a 1st Grade teacher who she claims singled her out for ridicule.  It hasn't sunk into her mind that I had the same teacher when I was in 1st Grade, and she was that way to everybody.

My sister isn't stupid; she has a memory like a steel trap, but she focuses on trivia most of the time.

As for "sentimental children's shows,"  YESSSSS! 

I had always promised myself that I would find a way to "leave the building" as soon as Mother no longer needed me, but it's been 20 years, and I'm still breathing.  Today I'm not very happy about that.  Nor am I proud of myself.

Comment by Plinius on June 21, 2014 at 12:45pm

 Neglect or overprotection by a parent creates scar tissue that lasts a lifetime.

You saw that right, Joan, it lasts a lifetime, but there are ways to go on and flourish. Thanks for your love and support, but don't make me bigger than I am - I might blush!

And as you say: on to the tasks at hand!

Comment by Joan Denoo on June 21, 2014 at 11:44am

Chris, these complexities hurt at such a deep level. Neglect or overprotection by a parent creates scar tissue that lasts a lifetime. Your care and concern and respect for your husband is well placed and you share his burden with good sense. Yes, the questions touch into a deep place and your answer is not long. It appears you read the situation well and make a difference in your husband's life.

Growing up in a mentally healthy environment can be a rare thing, and replacing the dysfunction with well thought out remedies and caring action helps to bring about a better future.

Thank you for your honesty, and for your great heart. We all benefit by having people around us such as yourself. Know that you are not alone, and that we support you in any way we can.

OK! Now on to the tasks at hand.

 

Comment by Plinius on June 21, 2014 at 11:10am

Deep question, Joan! My husband is the elder brother, and like the eldest, he feels responsible. Mother-in-law loved children but couldn't handle them at all: she neglected the first one, overprotected the second one (the Asperger), and lost the third one when he went to play on the railroad tracks with friends - 4 years old. I think the family survived rather than lived after that.    I have a deep respect for my husband that he never abandoned his family even when they hurt him, and I encouraged him to grow and get strong and confident. I fully understand that he saw no other possibility to handle the family situation. The last one of his family is b-i-l, and it's impossible to change that one.

A deep question, and perhaps a longer answer than you wanted.

Comment by Joan Denoo on June 21, 2014 at 10:36am

How does your husband handle the disrespect from his brother? Ouch! that must hurt! Is your husband younger than his brother and was he disrespected as they grew into adulthood?

 

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