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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 870
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Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

bending truth, or "We Can All Be Manipulated" (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Compelledunbeliever yesterday. 37 Replies

The following is one of TheraminTrees' most thorough-going pieces, wherein he looks at the process and techniques whereby a "religious" organization (which will sound VERY familiar to most of us, once introductions are made!) takes a person who…Continue

Tags: indoctrination, truth, manipulation, TheraminTrees

punishing doubt (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller Sep 6. 0 Replies

If you are associated with religion and especially a fundamentalist religion, doubt is intolerable.  Certainty, however it may be achieved or imposed, becomes a necessary element, especially considering the utter dearth of any form of evidence or…Continue

Tags: religion, TheraminTrees, punish, doubt

We Don't Want Your (Atheist) Money! (The Thinking Atheist)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Idaho Spud Sep 2. 17 Replies

I suppose I've heard stories like this before:Conscientious atheist donates money to worthy cause.Worthy cause initially accepts money.Worthy cause discovers source of donation.Worthy cause rejects donation.Swell, eh?  Well Matt Willbourne of…Continue

Tags: American Baptist Churches Association, Murrow Indian Children's Home, The Thinking Atheist, Seth Andrews

The Whole Bible in 30 Seconds (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Randy Hatly Sep 2. 3 Replies

Ever decide that you wanted to read the whole bible, cover to cover, only to realize half-way through Deuteronomy that the darn thing is industrial-strength BORING?!?  Well, never fear!  America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers, has done the Cliff's…Continue

Tags: bible, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Are You a Patriot? (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Chris G Aug 29. 22 Replies

You might think that Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, would be stepping outside of her comfort zone in tackling the concept of patriotism.  As it turns out, not only does she have a proper handle on the term and its implications, she also…Continue

Tags: patriot, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

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Comment by The Flying Atheist on June 22, 2014 at 2:18am

Comment by Plinius on June 22, 2014 at 1:11am

There's no cure for Asperger's. The best you can do is train children with Asperger's so they can handle contact with people better and understand their own problems.

Comment by sk8eycat on June 21, 2014 at 10:13pm

Joan, as far as I have been able to find out, Asperger's is considered a form of autism, and any treatment to deal with it effectively has to begin in early childhood. 

My sister was not ever affectionate with anyone, except animals, even as an infant.  And you know that back then autistic-type behavior was usually blamed on the mother....

She has never been on a date with anyone of any gender....never worked outside the home because she can't get along with people.  There were all sorts of problems, beginning with the first day of kindergarten when she crawled out a window and walked the single block home.  And screamed and carried on when Mother tried to take her back.

I just try to stay out of her way as much as possible, and I do make an effort to thank her when she does something to help me.  She does most of the heavy work around here now because my back and legs are so weak. 

I'm just going through a phase when I'm so tired of it all.

Comment by Joan Denoo on June 21, 2014 at 4:44pm

I assume you have researched to see if there are any treatments of Rx for this condition. I have never encountered it and haven't a clue as to how to live a healthier, happier life given the reality of having an Aspie to care for.

I certainly do hear your frustrations. Skills that help you build emotional barriers is the first step, at least as far as I can imagine and finding peace and equanimity while facing such a challenge requires conscious effort.

We live in a very interesting time in the history of human existence on Earth. We live on the cutting edge of change from the old values of rules created by power over. As children we learned how to either use power or submit to power as we developed. 

The new epic, the Anthropocene requires new skills, and especially when faced with challenges such you both face. The ancient tribal system has ended, when families took care of their own and the tribe assisted. During the last epic, we experimented with ways government took over tribal duties. During the Roosevelt years, a new care for people like the aspies grew and helped families cope. That all began to unravel and both Democrats and Republicans made it unravel faster in USA than Europe. 

So, somehow we have to recognize that we need new and different ways of being in community. It is terribly difficult for a brother or a sister to manage without community help. We can find better ways and we can be part of that new epic. 

Comment by Plinius on June 21, 2014 at 3:53pm

You should be proud of yourself, Sk8eycat, for living with an Aspie and for enduring what you can't escape from.

Your description is clearly of Asperger's, as far as I can see.

Comment by sk8eycat on June 21, 2014 at 2:57pm

Ever since I read the symptoms of Asperger's, I have been convinced that my (now) 69-year-old sister was born with it.  She's never been diagnosed because when we were children, nobody had ever heard of it, and she has been a JeeHoover's Witless since she was in her early 20s, and they don't "believe" in any kind of mind therapy. It's too late for her, anyway.

I have NEVER heard her say "please" or "thank you" to anybody for anything.  She hasn't had any tantrums lately, but she still occasionally whines about a 1st Grade teacher who she claims singled her out for ridicule.  It hasn't sunk into her mind that I had the same teacher when I was in 1st Grade, and she was that way to everybody.

My sister isn't stupid; she has a memory like a steel trap, but she focuses on trivia most of the time.

As for "sentimental children's shows,"  YESSSSS! 

I had always promised myself that I would find a way to "leave the building" as soon as Mother no longer needed me, but it's been 20 years, and I'm still breathing.  Today I'm not very happy about that.  Nor am I proud of myself.

Comment by Plinius on June 21, 2014 at 12:45pm

 Neglect or overprotection by a parent creates scar tissue that lasts a lifetime.

You saw that right, Joan, it lasts a lifetime, but there are ways to go on and flourish. Thanks for your love and support, but don't make me bigger than I am - I might blush!

And as you say: on to the tasks at hand!

Comment by Joan Denoo on June 21, 2014 at 11:44am

Chris, these complexities hurt at such a deep level. Neglect or overprotection by a parent creates scar tissue that lasts a lifetime. Your care and concern and respect for your husband is well placed and you share his burden with good sense. Yes, the questions touch into a deep place and your answer is not long. It appears you read the situation well and make a difference in your husband's life.

Growing up in a mentally healthy environment can be a rare thing, and replacing the dysfunction with well thought out remedies and caring action helps to bring about a better future.

Thank you for your honesty, and for your great heart. We all benefit by having people around us such as yourself. Know that you are not alone, and that we support you in any way we can.

OK! Now on to the tasks at hand.

 

Comment by Plinius on June 21, 2014 at 11:10am

Deep question, Joan! My husband is the elder brother, and like the eldest, he feels responsible. Mother-in-law loved children but couldn't handle them at all: she neglected the first one, overprotected the second one (the Asperger), and lost the third one when he went to play on the railroad tracks with friends - 4 years old. I think the family survived rather than lived after that.    I have a deep respect for my husband that he never abandoned his family even when they hurt him, and I encouraged him to grow and get strong and confident. I fully understand that he saw no other possibility to handle the family situation. The last one of his family is b-i-l, and it's impossible to change that one.

A deep question, and perhaps a longer answer than you wanted.

Comment by Joan Denoo on June 21, 2014 at 10:36am

How does your husband handle the disrespect from his brother? Ouch! that must hurt! Is your husband younger than his brother and was he disrespected as they grew into adulthood?

 

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