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Comment by k.h. ky on October 26, 2015 at 6:39pm

Joan, it is so like you to know felaines birthday! I hope she knew how much she meant to all of us.
In-laws! I also have issues with the only one l have but it seems to be a personality clash from word go. I don't think anyone wants to see their children marry someone older with children. Odd that the grandson l brag of so often came from that marriage.

Life has a way of working out.

Comment by Ian Mason on October 25, 2015 at 2:50pm

That's a remarkable story, Joan. Your son-in-law must really have loved your daughter to be willing to make great changes. He must also have been aware of his problems and wanted to change. Life among your family and surrounded by nature sounds beautiful.

I'm starting to have doubts about my son-in-law. Last time I was there, during the summer. I found out that my daughter was the one going out to work and doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. while he was busy 'working on his thesis.' I don't know what will happen now he's started work too.

I still think of Felaine regularly. A remarkable life and a fighting spirit lost too soon.

Comment by Ruth Anthony-Gardner on October 24, 2015 at 2:20pm

I miss her too, Joan. It's great that you have a custon-built greenhouse. We haven't had a hard frost here yet, just a bit of "powdered sugar" on the grass. I'm glad you're happy in your home with your daughter now.

I seem to have missed the streaming of Sleep.

Randall, I'm sorry to hear the Amtrack trip was so disappointing. I'd always imagined going cross country that way as a delight. I hear you about your son in law. Joan's story about Larry's turnaround is encouraging. My sister's choice of husband is in that same ballpark. One reason I don't enjoy visiting her.

Like Flying Atheist, I have a bit of cultural-event envy, Ian. But I'm too cheap to pay for streaming live theater when there's so much "free" (already paid for) entertainment.

Have a good weekend, all.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 22, 2015 at 1:04pm

Randy, I know what it feels like to be happy to be home. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 22, 2015 at 1:01pm

Today would have been Sk8eycat's 76th birthday. Felaine, I miss you. 

Comment by Randall Smith on October 22, 2015 at 7:43am

Cooincidently enough, my daughter is also a "Laura". I'm not sure whether she should thank me for coming out, or me thanking her for accommodating me. I guess nothing needs said. It is nice to be home.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 21, 2015 at 12:59pm

Carl, thank you for your warm comments. I do enjoy being with you and each of the Atheist Nexus friends. My intention is to keep in touch with you and look forward to reading your posts. The cold weather drives me inside and I enjoy writing and sharing my thoughts. We have frosts many nights now. The greenhouse fills with the aromas of citrus in bloom and the greens from the warm, moist produce provides us with delicious flavors every evening.  

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 21, 2015 at 12:52pm

Randy, Laura married a real jerk! I dreaded going to their home or having them visit me. Larry was like the proverbial sexist, racist, bigot of the worst kind. At some point in their marriage, Laura told him to change his attitudes and behaviors or get out. Because her business brings in at least as much as his business, he had a financial loss facing him. Besides, Laura is an outstanding woman (not prejudiced, of course). Long story, short, Larry took some communication courses through Landmark and made an excellent adjustment. He continues to be honest and make clear statements of what he is thinking and wanting. A person knows where he/she stands on any topic; the difference is, he can listen to other points of view. He no longer sees an issue as being black or white but recognizes there exist variable shades of gray.

He owns his own fears and does not assume that his fears will result in some doom and gloom state of affairs. Instead, he looks at fear as an opportunity to reframe his experience. Instead of "bitching" about the world, he thinks and acts in ways that make life better for us all. His favorite phrase, "Let's get 'er did!" offers an invitation to work as a team. My cancer seemed to aid him in this aspect of his life. We took on my challenge as a team effort and he contributed greatly to my recovery.

He is nicer to himself and much nicer to others. He doesn't have to be "right" and everyone else "wrong". He takes pride in his work and skills in technology and admits to being a "jerk" when he falls back into the blame game. He inspires others to think and act to a far greater capacity anyone, even themselves, realize.

Probably the most valuable attribute he gained is a sense of humor that builds people up. Before, his greatest pleasure was putting people down. 

I love the guy, he has a big heart, spends thought and action to make life better for himself and those around him. When it became clear I am no longer able to maintain my big old home and needed more help, he had a greenhouse and tool shed built for me, he and Laura saw to it that a room in their home is comfortable for me and make me feel welcome every single day. 

I hope your daughter has the strength and power to set limits and boundaries with her husband. I think she will be healthier and happier if/when she does. So will you! 

Dominic and I are off to walk the perimeter of the cleared area and refresh the bird feeders. Randy, I hope your day is just splendid!

Comment by The Flying Atheist on October 21, 2015 at 9:32am

Welcome back, Randy.  I guess next time you travel you'll reconsider the sleeper car? 

Your flight was delayed in Chicago?  I'm very surprised.  [sarcasm]

Joan, we love you and want you all to ourselves, but we grant you permission to spend time away from us and play with your great-grandchildren.  :)

Ian, I'm always impressed (and a bit jealous) of all the wonderful cultural events you attend.  And such a vast variety.

Comment by Randall Smith on October 21, 2015 at 7:50am

I have returned from visiting two of my children (and one grandchild) in Sac. Calif. It was pleasant enough, although I could do without my son-in-law, a real jerk and ne'er-do-well. I gave my daughter the "Dear Abby" message: "Would you be better off with or without him?" She's thinking.

The 3 day Amtrak trip out was no picnic. Very disappointing and tiring, not at all relaxing. I did meet some nice people, however. All the good scenery (Rockies, N. Calif, etc.) were unseen due to nighttime travel.

My airplane flight back was delayed in Chicago, which created self-stress, phone calls, blah, blah. I think I'm better off just staying home!

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