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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 850
Latest Activity: 17 hours ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

Goodwill to Few Men (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Donald R Barbera Jul 23. 3 Replies

Think Goodwill Industries does well by the poor?  Fact is, they do WAY BETTER for themselves, to the point where America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers, thinks they're ripping off the christian playbook a bit too well!  Have a look for yourself:…Continue

Tags: ripoff, Goodwill Industries, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Your favorite photobombs?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Plinius Jul 10. 12 Replies

Running of the bulls photobomb.Continue

losing faith (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller Jul 5. 0 Replies

TheraminTrees has recently begun producing a new series of YouTube videos, which added to a wonderful library of earlier observations regarding his experience of religion. Good as all those pieces are, I personally think they pale against this…Continue

Tags: story, history, faith, TheraminTrees

Betty Explains Religious Freedom (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Jul 3. 10 Replies

Well, considering all the RFRA bills popping up all over the United States, plus all the fun and games ISIS is bringing to the good folks in Syria and Iraq, Betty Bowers, the epitome of well-dressed christianity, has decided to clarify the true…Continue

Tags: persecution, ISIS, Religious Freedom, America's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Surreal, I haz it

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner May 6. 82 Replies

Surreal, not just found in art.Continue

Tags: surreal

Let's not define ourselves or others by our worst behaviors

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Dominique Lutz Apr 16. 6 Replies

My take on the recent melt down at Hang With Friends, of which I missed part, is that some of us were tripped up by a habit of thought. It's something we learn growing up, and use without realizing how much pain it can generate -  failing to…Continue

Tags: dispute at Hang With Friends

Comment Wall

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Comment by sk8eycat on September 22, 2014 at 1:45pm

What'd I DO?  (I've always loved Ella...and about 25 years ago I wrote a take-off on this song about my boss at the time.  Called it "You're the Pitz."  The guy was a brainless a##hat.)

Comment by The Flying Atheist on September 22, 2014 at 12:14pm

Sk8eycat, you're tops in my book. 

Comment by The Flying Atheist on September 22, 2014 at 10:04am

Chris, what a sad little poem.  Yes, the awkwardness of not being wanted by your peers. 

Comment by Plinius on September 22, 2014 at 3:12am

Thanks for your story, Felaine! My hat is off to you!

Getting picked for school sports reminds me of a wonderful poem, Carl. I wonder how many people remember the feeling.

 

 

Tich Miller wore glasses
with elastoplast-pink frames
and had one foot three sizes larger than the other.

When they picked teams for outdoor games
she and I were always the last two
left standing by the wire-mesh fence.

We avoided one another’s eyes,
stooping, perhaps, to re-tie a shoelace,
or affecting interest in the flight

of some fortunate bird, and pretended
not to hear the urgent conference:
‘Have Tubby!’ ‘No, no, have Tich!’

Usually they chose me, the lesser dud,
and she lolloped, unselected,
to the back of the other team.

At eleven we went to different schools.
In time I learned to get my own back,
sneering at hockey-players who couldn’t spell.

Tich died when she was twelve.



Wendy Cope

Comment by Ian Mason on September 21, 2014 at 11:37pm

There's an old saying, Felaine, that "discretion is the better part of valour" i.e. don't try to fight battles you can't win. Getting away from problems can be the wisest course to take, so your choice was the best for you. Be proud of all you have achieved through the years.

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 9:09pm

Felaine, I agree totally with Mindy, you are a cool person and a person worthy of respect. You certainly have had challenges in your life, things over which you had no control. I am so glad I guessed incorrectly about your father being controlling. I sounds like your parents had a very healthy relationship. I wonder what happened? I guess you will never know.

Your skating and the discipline it required to accomplish all that you did is strong evidence of your fine character.   

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 9:02pm

Mindy, I honestly don't think my childhood was any worse than that of any one else I knew...we all had problems of one kind or another.  I'm kind of ashamed that I tended to run away from things I couldn't deal with any other way, but I survived, so I guess I did the right thing.  For myself.

At least I didn't "have to" get married at 17....I knew too many girls who did ....

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 5:26pm

My parents were very social, liked to go camping, and travel till we moved here to Burbank when I was 5 (15 years after they were married.)  Dad's ambition was to start his own business and resign from Union Oil Co. (even though he was friends and a fraternity brother of the CEO.)  He did all that.

AND he "farmed" the extra land that was attached to the house until the city began surveying and dividing this neighborhood into standard lots. (Both my parents grew up on small farms.) 

Dad was NOT controlling...he and Mother worked things out between them without yelling, or animosity, as far as I know.  HOWEVER, he began drinking heavily when I was about 10 or 11; he was never mean or abusive...just stupid.  It nearly killed me because he was a brilliant man, and that's one of the many reasons I wanted a contract with ANY touring show ASAP.

SO....I was 20, and in Greenville, SC when I got a letter that the family had done an "intervention," and Dad was in a drying-out place.  He refused to have anything to do with AA, which is one reason I'm pretty sure he was a closeted atheist. 

Anyroad, he did dry out, and I left the show at the end of that year's tour, came home, went to work for him for 7 years....till he "fell off the wagon," and I ran away again.

So, yes, our family became dysfunctional, mother became bitter, and in February 1984, I was faced with the situation of having both parents in the hospital at the same time....Dad had to have vein grafts in both legs to relieve the gangrene and other complications of diabetes, and Mother had cancer all over her body...the worst was a tumor in her thigh bone.

I spent the next 9 years driving one or the other of them to doctors appointments and to the ER in the middle of the night.  In the summer of 1985 Dad had a massive left hemisphere stroke, and died that October.  Mother lived till July 1993...I was effing glad she was NOT here for the Northridge quake in January 1994....scary, scary, scary. It happened before the sun was above the horizon...just like the Sylmar quake.

But I have been knocking myself out trying to keep my head above water ever since then.  I'm tired of it all.  Or just plain tired.

*glub! glub!  glub!*

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 4:41pm

Felaine, Your story of your mother is interesting and reflects the challenges people had during that era. Scarlet fever took its toll on many families. That is another scourge we have under control, here.

Your mother, with her inquiring mind, may have seen beyond the confines of her life. I wonder if she ever doubted or called into question her faith. If she was locked into gender-role stereotypes, she could have felt hopeless. 

Your father probably had a very organized and systematic way of seeing and doing things. He may have had a sense of need to control. Accountants tend to need order.

Do you remember the personality tests we all had to take in high school to determine our career choices? That is what I am talking about; each person has a personality profile that tends to fit an occupational profile. 

I am not suggesting there was dysfunction in your home, but I am suggesting that the occupational choice of your father may be correlated with attitudes and behaviors that may have impacted your mother. An accountant needs to be compulsive about accuracy. Was he rigid with your mother? 

Your mother going back to reading the bible could imply a return to dependency and hope for a better afterlife.  

Of course I could be wrong, I have been before and I will be again. However, for me, the implication is to live fully, joyfully, interesingly, interdependently, in the now. There is no other life, nor is there a god who loves us and cares for us. There is no heaven where we will get a just reward. There is now, here. 

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 3:20pm

Ian, I loved Charles Schulz for many reasons, but the two most important ones were his love of ice skating, and the fact that he was a non-believer.
*********************************
If you all want a good laugh, read the "rapture & heaven" sequences in Robert A. Heinlein's JOB: a Comedy of Justice.  NOT my favorite R.A.H. novel, but those parts are hilarious.... heaven is a gigantic bureaucracy, and the snobbish original inhabitants (angels) are disgusted with the sudden influx of rude and crude "creatures" that need things like plumbing and hamburger joints (humans)

 

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