Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 854
Latest Activity: 1 hour ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

maggie and milly and molly and may (Edward Estlin Cummings & Eric Whitacre)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Nov 20. 2 Replies

It's amazing what you discover when you go looking for something you had no idea you'd find.  On an impulse, I pulled up Eric Whitacre's website to see if he had created any new pieces.  It would seem that he has: a song cycle called The City and…Continue

Tags: e e cummings, Eric Whitacre

There Is Only One Way to Destroy ISIS

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Randall Smith Nov 18. 1 Reply

There Is Only One Way to Destroy ISISGrowth in population, policies and practices that create a gap between the typical person and the wealthy,…Continue

Passive and Active voices

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Nov 16. 1 Reply

Have you noticed that much of the discussion in families and with friends, in the print media, on TV, and now on the internet is in the Passive Voice? Many people whine, complain, gripe, accuse, blame, call names, ridicule, grumble, bitch, rebuke,…Continue

Tags: and, behaviors, communication., attitudes, learned

Detroit Businesswomen Team Up to Get Rape Kits Tested

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by The Flying Atheist Nov 14. 2 Replies

Detroit Businesswomen Team Up to Get Rape Kits Tested"In 2009, a Wayne County assistant prosecuting attorney noticed…Continue

Tags: women, Enough, SAID, black, victims

Something Beautiful – Nathan Phelps & Seth Andrews

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Nov 10. 7 Replies

And it is beautiful, too, indeed, I think some of Seth Andrews' best work.  Interesting point: rather than Seth's dulcet baritone doing the narration, this piece presses Nathan Phelps' deep bass intonation into service, bringing a different flavor…Continue

Tags: Nathan Phelps, The Thinking Atheist, Seth Andrews, beautiful, something

Your favorite photobombs?

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Joan Denoo Oct 27. 14 Replies

Running of the bulls photobomb.Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 9:02pm

Mindy, I honestly don't think my childhood was any worse than that of any one else I knew...we all had problems of one kind or another.  I'm kind of ashamed that I tended to run away from things I couldn't deal with any other way, but I survived, so I guess I did the right thing.  For myself.

At least I didn't "have to" get married at 17....I knew too many girls who did ....

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 5:26pm

My parents were very social, liked to go camping, and travel till we moved here to Burbank when I was 5 (15 years after they were married.)  Dad's ambition was to start his own business and resign from Union Oil Co. (even though he was friends and a fraternity brother of the CEO.)  He did all that.

AND he "farmed" the extra land that was attached to the house until the city began surveying and dividing this neighborhood into standard lots. (Both my parents grew up on small farms.) 

Dad was NOT controlling...he and Mother worked things out between them without yelling, or animosity, as far as I know.  HOWEVER, he began drinking heavily when I was about 10 or 11; he was never mean or abusive...just stupid.  It nearly killed me because he was a brilliant man, and that's one of the many reasons I wanted a contract with ANY touring show ASAP.

SO....I was 20, and in Greenville, SC when I got a letter that the family had done an "intervention," and Dad was in a drying-out place.  He refused to have anything to do with AA, which is one reason I'm pretty sure he was a closeted atheist. 

Anyroad, he did dry out, and I left the show at the end of that year's tour, came home, went to work for him for 7 years....till he "fell off the wagon," and I ran away again.

So, yes, our family became dysfunctional, mother became bitter, and in February 1984, I was faced with the situation of having both parents in the hospital at the same time....Dad had to have vein grafts in both legs to relieve the gangrene and other complications of diabetes, and Mother had cancer all over her body...the worst was a tumor in her thigh bone.

I spent the next 9 years driving one or the other of them to doctors appointments and to the ER in the middle of the night.  In the summer of 1985 Dad had a massive left hemisphere stroke, and died that October.  Mother lived till July 1993...I was effing glad she was NOT here for the Northridge quake in January 1994....scary, scary, scary. It happened before the sun was above the horizon...just like the Sylmar quake.

But I have been knocking myself out trying to keep my head above water ever since then.  I'm tired of it all.  Or just plain tired.

*glub! glub!  glub!*

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 4:41pm

Felaine, Your story of your mother is interesting and reflects the challenges people had during that era. Scarlet fever took its toll on many families. That is another scourge we have under control, here.

Your mother, with her inquiring mind, may have seen beyond the confines of her life. I wonder if she ever doubted or called into question her faith. If she was locked into gender-role stereotypes, she could have felt hopeless. 

Your father probably had a very organized and systematic way of seeing and doing things. He may have had a sense of need to control. Accountants tend to need order.

Do you remember the personality tests we all had to take in high school to determine our career choices? That is what I am talking about; each person has a personality profile that tends to fit an occupational profile. 

I am not suggesting there was dysfunction in your home, but I am suggesting that the occupational choice of your father may be correlated with attitudes and behaviors that may have impacted your mother. An accountant needs to be compulsive about accuracy. Was he rigid with your mother? 

Your mother going back to reading the bible could imply a return to dependency and hope for a better afterlife.  

Of course I could be wrong, I have been before and I will be again. However, for me, the implication is to live fully, joyfully, interesingly, interdependently, in the now. There is no other life, nor is there a god who loves us and cares for us. There is no heaven where we will get a just reward. There is now, here. 

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 3:20pm

Ian, I loved Charles Schulz for many reasons, but the two most important ones were his love of ice skating, and the fact that he was a non-believer.
If you all want a good laugh, read the "rapture & heaven" sequences in Robert A. Heinlein's JOB: a Comedy of Justice.  NOT my favorite R.A.H. novel, but those parts are hilarious.... heaven is a gigantic bureaucracy, and the snobbish original inhabitants (angels) are disgusted with the sudden influx of rude and crude "creatures" that need things like plumbing and hamburger joints (humans)

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 3:16pm

Ian, that Peanuts cartoons is priceless. Exactly what happens to some. 

For me, I slept away 2013 and during the summer I slept inside at night and in the garden during the day. Now that I am recovered, I realize the Earth kept turning, people were able and willing to take the responsibility off me, and some of the things needed to be let go. 

Now, I am sitting in my garden, I paid all my bills, Arranged for repairs for the roof and blow out the pipes in Oct. I'm cooking a full meal tonight and all is well with my world. 

Including, Cary took a photo that I requested of him this morning and as I sit here, a squirrel climbed the huge sunflower stalks looking for ripe sunflower seeds. He watched me as he explored, just 10 feet away from me. All of a sudden I heard a "CRACK" and down went one of large stalks. The squirrel looked as surprised as I felt. 

I enjoy the critters and their adventures. I think the hummingbirds have left for this season, I haven't seen one for several days. With the billions and billions of flowers in my garden, they would fight like gladiators over one blossom. Isn't nature interesting? 

Comment by The Flying Atheist on September 21, 2014 at 3:04pm

If the rapture is anything like getting selected for school sports teams, I'm screwed.  I always got picked last. 

Comment by Ian Mason on September 21, 2014 at 2:26pm

Comment by Ian Mason on September 21, 2014 at 2:25pm

Joan/Felaine: having worked in elderly care for 18 years, I've met quite a few people who "enjoy" their illnesses. It means that they're no longer responsible for anything. I myself used the same tactic when I was active as an alcoholic - "I suffer from depression,therefore no-one can expect me to stop drinking".

A pictorial version, by Schutz:

Comment by sk8eycat on September 21, 2014 at 4:49am

Joan, my mother was born in 1905...the middle of 8 children...5 boys and 3 girls.  (Two of them died before age 18...scarlet fever)

  She quit school after the 8th grade to help feed the family. but she never stopped learning...married an MBA from USC (I think he became a closeted atheist somewhere along the line)....was an avid reader. was as thrilled as I was by the Apollo moon landings....but she was also something of an Oklahoma fundie...but stopped dragging me to Sunday School when I complained about not having a "day off" when I was about 10 or 11.

In her later years she went back to reading the buybull, and listened to Gene Scott on a tiny radio (with earphones.)  I don't know if she was more perturbed by my atheism (I made no secret of it) or my sister's JW obsessions.  She specifically said "NO funeral" when it became obvious that her body was failing...

We had no service for Dad, either.  (Pissed off his sister, who married "the son of a preacher-man.") And I paid off my membership with the Neptune Society years ago.

And that's the troooooooththththth,

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 21, 2014 at 3:40am

k.h. ky, when I was a member of the Presbyterian church, we had sessions after sermons when the pastor would meet with anyone who wanted to discuss his sermon. When I would bring up the use of man, I interpreted that as excluding women. The pastor vehemently claimed that man meant men and women. I would respond with something like, "If you mean men and women, then say men and women". He was a stubborn man, with absolute belief in scripture and dogma, and out of stubbornness, I suppose, or maybe out of principle, he never included women when he said man, meaning man and woman. 

The old fart! During one of his sermons, I got up and walked back. The bell had rung for me, I knew I did not belong there. The siren sounded in my head, and I had no other choice, but to leave ... for good. I had some doubts at first, I expected a bolt of lightning to hit my chair, but no such thing ever happened and I am content with my decision. 


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