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Hang With Friends

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Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

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Discussion Forum

Optical Illusions

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Jan 31. 66 Replies

This one seems a bit creepy, like the middle one shouldn't be able to change rotation like that. from Cheezburger.comContinue

White House Petition: Change National Motto Back to "E Pluribus, Unum"

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by k.h. ky Jan 22. 8 Replies

There is a petition being sponsored by whitehouse.gov to remove "in god we trust" as the national motto and replace it with the original: "E Pluribus, Unum" or "Out of Many, One."  As of this writing, there are around 11,000 signatures on it, with…Continue

Tags: E Pluribus, Unum, in god we trust, petition

There Is Only One Way to Destroy ISIS

Started by Joan Denoo. Last reply by Loren Miller Dec 24, 2015. 3 Replies

There Is Only One Way to Destroy ISISGrowth in population, policies and practices that create a gap between the typical person and the wealthy,…Continue

coming out (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Atheist in FundyLand Dec 23, 2015. 6 Replies

Whether as atheist, agnostic, gay / Lesbian or whatever, the process of coming out has been a repeated topic of discussion here on Atheist Nexus and for good reason: it is at once a necessary yet potentially supremely painful process, depending on…Continue

Tags: Lesbian, agnostic, gay, atheist, TheraminTrees

If God Exists (DarkMatter2525)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Loren Miller Dec 23, 2015. 4 Replies

"Practice makes perfect."  That's the concept, isn't it?  Work diligently at something, especially something you enjoy and are adept at, and your skills sharpen, your judgment improves, and the product of your efforts demonstrate that improvement. …Continue

Tags: religion, YouTube, god, DarkMatter2525

Mental health in the age of violence: Dr. Elliott Ingersol

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Randall Smith Dec 1, 2015. 1 Reply

I literally just discovered Dr. Elliott Ingersol yesterday, as a part of a discussion I had with other members of the Northern Ohio Freethought Society.  Dr. Ingersol is a licensed psychologist and clinical counselor in Ohio, as well as a professor…Continue

Tags: talk, psychotropic, therapy, psychology, Elliott Ingersol

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Comment by The Flying Atheist on September 20, 2014 at 9:13am

Joan, I had no idea you had first hand experience in dealing with the RCC in Spokane! 

Chicago is a VERY highly catholic city, so any news of this type is prominently featured in the local media ad nauseum.  (rolling my eyes with disdain.) 

Our current cardinal Francis George was criticized a few years ago for calling the gay community "Nazis" because our Sunday pride parade passed by the front of one of their parishes, thereby ruining the day for the parishioners.  How dare we! 

I see that Cupich was very vocal against the passage of Washington's same-sex marriage law.  And he is considered a "moderate" compared to the more conservative cardinal George. 

Comment by sk8eycat on September 20, 2014 at 9:10am

Ooooohhh!  I like that Hitchens quote; I'll have to remember that.

Comment by Plinius on September 20, 2014 at 4:14am

I've heard that before, people hanging on to their disease - and wondered why. Not being special, of course. I sometimes thought that they must be afraid to face the daily struggle. All the more reason to pity them, but quite horrible if you happen to live in the same house with them.

I remember a Hitchens quote - :"I'm not fighting cancer, the cancer is just killing me."

Comment by sk8eycat on September 20, 2014 at 2:13am

Chris, my objection to the neologism "battle" is when it's referring to diseases like cancer, AIDS, and other conditions that CAN be fatal. 

With Asperger's  the patient fighting him/hers-self, or the entire world.  (My sister is an Aspie.) No treatment for adults...and very intensive behavioral treatment for young children only seems to work about 50% of the time.  And any Aspie who was born before about 1985 was outta luck, anyway.  Nobody knew Jack Schidt about it.

My mom underwent 2 courses of chemo for metastatic lung cancer, and it didn't look like a battle to me.  She was extremely passive/submissive...to the point where I sometimes wanted to slap her.  "Whatcha want for dinner, Mom?"  "Ohhhhh.  I don't care."  IOW, "You don't need to feed me; just let me starve to death." 

That was NOT when she was on chemo...by  the end of the year she was completely cancer-free, and it never came back, but she was depressed that she didn't have cancer any more.  She wasn't "special."

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 20, 2014 at 1:27am

I need to clarify my interpretation of mother's behaviors that I witnessed at Morning Star. About a third of the mothers and fathers, if they were involved, had rigidly strict, unrealistic parenting styles. They didn't know age-appropriate behaviors and made demands that the boys simply were not able to perform. They used harsh punishment that generated either anger from the boys or timidity. These were the boys who were the bullies or the bullied. 

About a third of the parents were too lenient with their sons. They had no boundaries, no structure, and children just don't thrive in such a loose environment. Appropriate discipline did not happen and those boys tended to be wild, careless, took risks with lives and property. They just didn't think things through and my colleague called them "dyslogic". There was no this-then-that, no cause-and-effect thinking. 

About a third of the boy had parents who used good parenting skills, had clear communication between the parent and between parents and child.They set realistic behavior standards and used responsible discipline when needed. The parents showed love and caring and the boys felt secure. These boys tended to let peer pressure be their guide for how to behave. Some of them were in trouble with the courts because of truancy or shop-lifting or alcohol use. 

I designed a parent training model that I used in group sessions. Parents of all three types came to the classes and learned from each other. They could see the costs and benefits of each parenting style and the influences of peers on the age group of elementary through high school. 

Comment by Plinius on September 20, 2014 at 1:11am

It feels like battle, Sk8eycat, even when it's only Asperger's. Brother-in-law started a new battle against the world this week - first attacking my husband and me of course, because his little world in the care-home is not perfect. He discovered that the government wants to know about his affairs because he uses government money and facilities - nobody would object to questioning in this case. But b-i-l does of course! So he gave us and the care-home a week of tantrums, abuse and threats, starts to neglect his cat and himself, speaks ill of everyone who tries to take care of him, etc. On some days I'd like to cut the telephone wires and lock my door.

Comment by Joan Denoo on September 20, 2014 at 1:06am

Carl, Chicago getting Spokane's bishop Cupich is not a good thing. I was subpoenaed for the trial of Father Joe, Morning Star Boys' Ranch director, because of my years working there as a social worker. While at the ranch, I watched carefully for any signs of sexual abuse and saw nothing that indicated abuse problems or inappropriate behavior between the boys and Father Joe or the other staff members.

What I did experience was the offensive way Father treated women, mothers, and staff members. He blamed mothers for their boys being in trouble, when in fact, it was distressed mothers coping with out of control boys that necessitated my designing a parent training program for the parents that linked with the training program I designed for the boys. Father should have defined the problem the boys presented as they came into the ranch and not blame the mothers. The boys were already conflicted with their mothers and didn't need a priest to confirm their clash with mom. 

The trial simply confirmed my perception that the church is a dysfunctional system that maintains and perpetuates dysfunctional thinking. The church settled out of court for an undisclosed amount, but I know it was considerable. Cupich was called in to clean up the mess after the settlements. He did the same old thing that religious do, after the boys reported sexual abuse, the church made claims that society didn't handle the sexual assaults well. 

EXCUSE ME! The church is supposed to be the moral anchor of a community. The church covered up the crimes and there is not enough money awarded to the boys for what the priests did to boys, nor what the church did to families by violating their trust.   

"The (Spokane) diocese declared bankruptcy in late 2004 to deal with scores of claims of sex abuse. The diocese and its 82 parishes agreed in 2007 to pay $48 million to 184 victims of sexual abuse. The deal forced the diocese to liquidate nearly all of its assets. 

"About two dozen more of those claims were settled as part of a larger deal with the Morning Star Boys Ranch."

Comment by sk8eycat on September 20, 2014 at 12:32am

Why does the press insist on using the terms "battle" and "fighting" when referring to someone undergoing treatment for a serious illness?  It brings some very strange images to my mind. Swords, boxing gloves, matadors.....

Stupid.

Comment by Bertold Brautigan on September 19, 2014 at 11:53pm

It just makes you want to puke that these people set themselves up as moral leaders and counselors.

Comment by The Flying Atheist on September 19, 2014 at 11:37pm

Joan, it appears that Spokane will be sending some of its trash to Chicago shorty.

Reports: Spokane bishop to succeed Cardinal George as Chicago archb...

Of course, the good bishop will arrive in Chicago with a less-than-stellar record.  He didn't fare very well in a report from SNAP (The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests).

 

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