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Hang With Friends

Location: Earth
Members: 878
Latest Activity: 11 minutes ago

Come on in, pull up a chair!

Picture yourself spending some time with congenial friends, sharing your lives and pictures from your cell phones." They're curious about that cool game, song, movie, camping trip, art show, or other event that fascinated you. You talk about all kinds of stuff, poetry, styles, personal achievements, relationships, and bad days. You can share your inner child, and laugh together. They sympathetically listen to your feelings about serious topics like politics or climate change, even when they don't agree.

Personal validation comes from paying attention to one another, giving more than you get. Everyone respects you and themselves, despite our amazing range of personal tastes and interests. They'll tell you they don't agree with an idea or behavior without implying you're a bad person or somehow deficient. It's an "I'm OK, You're OK" kind of fellowship, where nobody tries to make himself look better by picking on somebody else.

Nobody here is into mind games. A discussion started with a loaded guilt-throwing question will be deleted.

This group is not intended to compete with other groups on topics they cover but to "fill in the cracks." Whenever a discussion dwells at length on a topic for which there's an existing group, we urge you to provide members a link to that group to continue along their tangent.

A comment is a shout-out, which will get lost in a few days, because the comment wall is just a random stack.

Please start a discussion to share stories, photos, and videos. Replies will pop up in your "latest activity" and a conversation can develop from the feelings and thoughts you contributed. Groups are built on discussions.

Discussion Forum

God's Annual Performance Review (Betty Bowers)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Ruth Anthony-Gardner Mar 19. 6 Replies

I don't know about you guys, but there wasn't a performance review I had in 30 years of field service that I didn't LOATHE.  It seems as though Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian, is up for turning the tables on the person you would expect would…Continue

Tags: review, performance, god, American's Best Christian, Betty Bowers

Learning a Language as a Mature Adult

Started by Daniel W. Last reply by Joan Denoo Mar 2. 28 Replies

Trying to keep my mind exercised, and not interested in most of the reading materials that I can find.I decided to attempt to learn a language.  Actually, two.  The dilemma is, how do I do that without going to school - not an option - and without…Continue

The Playboy Interview: Richard Dawkins

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Chris Feb 19. 14 Replies

I suppose it was the news that Playboy magazine was returning nudes to its pages after a year's hiatus that sufficiently perked my curiosity to check them out again.  I hadn't looked at Playboy since perhaps 2008, when I began to recognize that I…Continue

Tags: Richard Dawkins, Playboy

Such Lyrics!

Started by Donatien Alphonse François. Last reply by Grinning Cat Feb 13. 9 Replies

Hello Friends,I was ruminating a bit today on my sixty-some years existence. My mind went back to teenage years when I first figured out religion is not only obnoxiously loud, but also nothing I wanted anything to do with. Truly. I knew by age 15…Continue

degrading love — part two (TheraminTrees)

Started by Loren Miller. Last reply by Joan Denoo Feb 11. 1 Reply

TheraminTrees set up religion with his left in Part One of his treatise on how religion demeans and degrades the value of love.  Here in Part Two, he brings in a devastating, "Mike Tyson" right, which negates and invalidates any claim that either…Continue

Tags: Christianity, Islam, TheraminTrees, god, love

Questions......

Started by Thomas Murray. Last reply by k.h. ky Feb 9. 6 Replies

   It has been 6 month now since I signed up for Atheist Nexus membership. The past year has been sort of a bi-polar wave of emotions for me. I hope I wasn't offensive to the folks on here and I think I have been but I don't know to who. My desire…Continue

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Comment by Bertold Brautigan on October 23, 2016 at 7:13pm

Joan, outliving a child must in some ways be one of the hardest things this life could ever demand. You did it with incredible grace and power. As ever, you're an inspiration.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 23, 2016 at 6:28pm

Thank you all, your words give me strength. That is the magic that Christians claim they own and don't understand that the miracle of healing is to relieve those who life in constant pain after doing everything possible to restore quality of life. Cary shares the responsibility by not catching the cancer early. 

Take heed and have regular examinations and act when symptoms appear. 

I felt as though I had a cloud of friends who thought about Cary and me as we faced this demon-cancer. We were not alone. 

Comment by BenGee on October 23, 2016 at 6:27pm

Joan, this is sad news, I wouldn't even begin to know how to help comfort you, but I agree with everyone here who also cares about you and supports you. 

Comment by k.h. ky on October 23, 2016 at 6:21pm
Joan, rest dear friend. You are in our hearts.
Comment by Joan Denoo on October 23, 2016 at 6:21pm

Thank you, Daniel. The only ones with whom I wanted to have conversation I was blocked. We didn't talk to each other in the room about the events emerging and chose to stay with Cary and let discussion occur elsewhere. 

Last night, as the family gathered with the doctor we had the discussion in Cary's room. All the facts were laid out and we all heard the options for quality of life. Cary heard us even though he was heavily sedated. He was still communicating with his hands. We asked if option one was a tracheotomy  and two was to take him off all medication and remove his breathing tubes which meant  there was a probability he could not breath on his own and his heart support would stop. Cary chose #2. We all agreed and the process began. He died in a very few minutes, peacefully. 

Comment by Daniel W on October 23, 2016 at 6:08pm

Joan, thank you for the update.  Everyone understand that you were not in a position to send messages.

I know that you know how much people here care about you and what happens in your life.  If there is anything that you need that we can provide, let us know.  If not on here, then via email.

Now the most important thing is to get rest and do what you always do best - assess your situation and come up with solutions.  The most important part of that is getting the rest and not feeling pressured.

You are a true friend to everyone here, including me.  Thank you again for the update.  Despite all of his misfortune, Cary was very fortunate to have you and the family that you built and nurtured.

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 23, 2016 at 5:53pm

And I thought of those of you who overcame life's challenged.

Randy, I did not mean that you overcame alcoholism, I meant you have overcome powers beyond your ability to control. You raised your family and now have grandchildren to love.

Daniel, thank you for the link to ending Citizen's United. I will read it thoughtfully (meaning full of thought). 

Spud, in my experience of being a firebrand feminist in a sexist community, and an atheist in a Christian community, I understand what you say. The thing that works for me is to speak, write, and act, on well thought-out  principles with competence and confidence, i.e. C,C, squard.  I also learned to have a tough skin; don't take vicious attacks personally, even as you do not accept the nonsense slung your way. Be ready to duck and run; gather your strength to think and act another day. You will find like-minded people and begin to grow a coalition. Many poses more power than an individual; however the individual has to take the risks. 

Thank you all for your support while I went through a death with dignity of a son. Your words comforted me, profoundly. I could not send messages to you because all the messages that I tried to send from the hospital would not go through.I discovered there was an easy fix but only after leaving there this morning. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 23, 2016 at 5:36pm

Daniel, I agree with your political statement 100% and will have a lot more to say about it when I am rested. Sleeping in a hospital chair with bells, buzzers, and whistles going off day and night, I had little sleep. I know you understand. 

Randy, I thought of you as our little family gathered together to celebrate Cary's life, his overcoming alcoholism, and his responsible care of me for the last few years. 

Randy, hug your children and their offsprings often and tell them you love them. Life is so very precious and can melt before your eyes. That little spark exists for such a short period, even when it seems forever, it is not.  

I went to the stars knowing our atoms are "Part of starstuff" The October/November night sky presents another period of change. I grow comfort knowing that we are all part of each other. We need each other and build and destroy together. 

Look at what has happened to Syria or Yemen or Palestine in today's environment,  That is what will happen in the United State if we have another war, our building in shambles, lives and ways of life will change. 

Look at the dispute about climate change and know we have an opportunity to learn and live in nonviolent ways. We can make the effort to restore health to the planet or we can comfort each other as the planet responds to our choices. If we can do it, others can too. 

I love you, dear friends, even though I have never seen you in person, I have read our writings and shared ideas with you. That is enough to create a true friend. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 23, 2016 at 5:12pm

Please excuse my misspellings, even my proofreading was not working. 

Comment by Joan Denoo on October 23, 2016 at 5:11pm

This morning at 12: 27 AM Cary died of esophageal cancer with the aid of a doctor. His body was ravaged with the disease and was not able to have any operable or radiology that would prolong his live for many more days of life. He has been on palliative care since I took him to the ER as he hemorrhaged blood. 

The doctors, nurses and staff performed their arts and sciences impeccably and provided me with the clear description of what was happening in his body. Craig returned from Colorado, Laura and her husband and two daughters were with him for the afternoon and into the night. We discussed the prognosis with a clear understanding of what was happening and our options. We chose to pull the plug and see what would happen. They all stayed for the procedure and we touched his arms and legs as he breathed his last breath. It was very simple, just turned off the machines and he was gone within an hour. He was in no pain. We comforted each other.

Cary had a cough since last spring and we all, family and neighbors, and friends tried to talk him into going in. He refused, with strong anger. Laura talked to him privately why he would't go to the doctor and he said he had to take care of me. 

On Tuesday morning at 4:00 AM he woke me up hemorrhaging  blood. We went into the ER, immediately to ICU and processes began. He was in excruciating pain and was immediately heavily sedated. The family agreed on palliative care and then on Friday nigh all members of the family agreed that the tumor was not treatable, and with the advice of all the doctors involved, we agreed to pulling the plugs on all the machines. 

He breathed softly for a few minutes and then he was gone. 

Cary provided me faithful, loving, compassionate care as I was so very sick. I have many happy memories of him and he left us a legacy of a graceful and grateful death. 

I am at peace knowing he is out of pain, chemicals, and machines in order to stay alive for no longer than a month. 

Laura asked for a chaplain and she explained to him that Cary was an atheist and wanted no religious language in his comments. His thoughts and words comforted me and I could kiss Cary for the last time and walk away. 

I love you Cary, Mom 

 

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