The Nerd

No Lords, No Masters


No Lords, No Masters

Kyriarchy are the structures of domination working together as a network - not just one group dominating another. Its branches include but are not limited to racism, sexism, cissexism, heterosexism, ageism, and ableism.

Members: 58
Latest Activity: Jul 27, 2014

Discussion Forum

Gender, prejudice, aggression, evolution

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by The Nerd Jan 25, 2012. 1 Reply


"When I think about the relative size and scope of microaggressions, I can’t help but feel ashamed of..."

“When I think about the relative size and scope of microaggressions, I can’t help but feel ashamed of my inadequate responses. If these are just small offenses, not meant to wound, why can’t I ever manage to shut them down effectively, ensure they aren’t wielded again and again against others?”

- Nicole Chung, in a beautiful essay on the challenges of responding to casual racism, especially in polite company. (via The Toast)

As an openly gay man who grew up in Missouri, I found life to be much easier hiding my sexuality. If...

As an openly gay man who grew up in Missouri, I found life to be much easier hiding my sexuality. If I am asked, I will tell. But frankly, it’s no one’s business but my own. And here is a recent example of why microaggressions lead me to continue to hide who I am.

To “throw shade” is to belittle someone inadvertently through looks, comments, gestures…

Recently at work, I decided to share with a coworker that I am gay. During conversation she made me feel comfortable enough with her to allow her into that part of my life. Although her reaction was with pause (having no idea, she claimed), it was as if our work relationship never changed. Honestly, we’re closer now than ever before, which is great. I started to think that with the passage of marriage equality for the LGBT community, there was a different mindset held by the people of this nation. That we LGBT are equal under the law, and that people recognize that.

Tolerance, however, is a different story.

Within weeks of telling the first coworker that I was gay, it started to come up in conversation. Other people asked, and I wondered how it seemed that everyone had been talking about it.

Now a month has gone by, and the relationships with my coworkers have changed. The other day, a coworker told me in front of other coworkers that he doesn’t agree with gay marriage. That it’s an abomination. That we should have our own “thing”. That marriage by definition is for a man and a woman, so why should gays be able to marry? It doesn’t make sense to him. “Nothing against you,” he says. That, right there, belittles me as a human being. It’s difficult to work at a place where I am told that I am inferior, but what choice do I have? To walk away and let the bullies continue to win? To contact HR with a case of someone throwing shade?

There are certain coworkers who look at me with disgust when no one is around, as if I’ve committed the most heinous act. Every time I’m walking the floor and pass these certain coworkers, I continue to smile and go on about my way as I see them give me a look that only “throwing shade” can describe. I feel as if they are so upset with who I am that I am not even welcome anymore. As if I have offended them by working there and I should not have applied for that job in the first place. I understand that we need to have thicker skin to deal with our problems and that we should hold our head high because we know who we are. But subtly making someone feel inferior is an act of bullying. I am not making myself a victim, the aggressor is. I can understand why the tipping point of racial injustice is turning sideways because the feelings of these “victims” (as some would like to put it) are no longer feeling hurt, they are starting to feel upset and angry. All we are doing is trying to stand up for ourselves against a bully. Doing so in one-on-one settings isn’t helpful or appropriate. It only further allows the bully to know that they have control over our feelings, and we are tired. Taking this to a national stage and letting the world know they exist is the only way to stop the repeated acts of harassment.

Although some argue that teaching about this type of bias will lead to a culture of victims, we are already victims. We have lived with a lifetime of being victimized, and it is nice to finally stand up and call out our aggressors. These aggressors were once called bullies, and people once laughed along with them. Now it seems the people who are upset because we are “victimizing ourselves” are the ones who are continuing to bully us today. I thank you for giving us the ability to speak up and not feel ashamed. These slight aggressions make it more difficult to work and at times even to be in public. I see the looks that people give to more obviously gay people in line at gas stations and convenience stores, and I can only imagine what it must be like for them. That is why I continue to hide my sexuality from others. I am not that strong.

The Microaggressions Project in solidarity with #Baltimore,...

The Microaggressions Project in solidarity with #Baltimore, #Ferguson, and #BlackLivesMatter. As we always say here, the micro only matters because of the macro systems of injustice. 

(Large image link here)

I hate St. Patrick’s Day because of a bad experience I had at about 11 or 12. I was coming...

I hate St. Patrick’s Day because of a bad experience I had at about 11 or 12. I was coming back from a concert a few cities over along with my mom and some friends and Ikea was on our way so we stopped because we didn’t have one near us at the time. It was the 17th and i was not wearing green. All through the busy store random people, primarily adults, kept randomly pinching me. I was well-developed at that age but uncomfortable in my body and it made me feel harassed and unsafe. I believe I actually started crying! Why does it being St. Patty’s Day make it okay to come up and touch stranger’s children?! Plus, half the people I’ve told about this didn’t get why I was upset.

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Comment by Loren Miller on October 25, 2011 at 10:07pm

Actually, Max ... yeah.  God sacrificed himself to god to appease god ... except that god survived the sacrifice, and now god is sitting beside god at the right hand of god!


[Man ... you do NOT get much more fucked up than THAT.]

Comment by Mac Rex on October 25, 2011 at 8:45pm

Um, I may be wrong, but isn't the Jewish zombie his own father, as well as son?  Kind of makes this all that more fucked up, at least to me.

It, of course, just really comes down to power and control - they want to suck out your power of individuality and control how you think.  Fucking mind vampires.

Comment by Prog Rock Girl on October 25, 2011 at 4:57pm
This is Fred Phelps-level material. Also, I've always heard among both Christians and Muslims that if a husband makes a wife disobey god, she is allowed to defy him.
Comment by Loren Miller on October 25, 2011 at 2:15pm

Charming stuff, Nerd ... glad I didn't have lunch!

Comment by Prog Rock Girl on October 11, 2011 at 7:54pm
To clarify it was a woman (black although I don't think that matters) that was listened to and treated differently because of being flashier and more OK maybe it wasn't the same as the example. But if some people like someone they will have an unconscious bias toward any inane thing they say.
Comment by Susan Stanko on October 10, 2011 at 1:17pm
Actually, I think he was just invoking troubleshooting  101 a bit to drastically.  For those who don't know, troubleshooting 101 is the user is stupid.  Because more often then not, that is indeed where the problem is.
Comment by Mac Rex on October 10, 2011 at 1:03pm
I believe it was the author Colin Wilson, who noted that when you talk to people about something, whether important or mundane, the people you speak to will be thinking about something else, what they had for supper, how the weather's been, etc., and will miss most of the information you're trying to give them.  I think that a person's personal confirmation bias comes into play too, and what they hear will tend to be related, in some way, to their confirmation bias.
For instance, yesterday afternoon, I had to take our 3 ton picker truck, loaded with 4 pallets of chemicals to an oil rig, about 180 Km away.  As soon as I left our yard, I noticed it was not shifting into high range (this type of truck shifts between high and low range in it's differential, by way of an electrical solenoid, with it's control switch on the stick shift).  I phoned the guy who normally drives this truck, an he assured me that it did at least 100 km/ph. I noted that the speedo displayed 100 km/ph, when the high range was activated, and about 75 km/ph when in low range, but there was no change in the gear or speed. Obviously, someone had fucked up the wiring, so I phoned my boss to let her know, so that it could be fixed on Tuesday(it's a long weekend for us).  One of our mechanics happened to be visiting her, at that time, so she put him on the phone.  I tried explaining to him what was happening, but the schmuck kept interrupting, and telling me how to shift that type of truck, and ignoring the information about the speedo!  It took about 5 min. of arguing before I got it through to him that the truck was not shifting, and there was a short causing the speedo to give a false reading.  Thick as a bloody brick, all because this is a new mechanic, who doesn't know my level of experience, and assumed that I just didn't know how to shift that type of truck, instead of listening to what I was telling him.
Comment by Steph S. on October 10, 2011 at 11:22am
Prog Rock Girl - It looks like sexism is still alive and well.  It has happened to me too.  It makes me feel like giving-up sometimes.
Comment by Prog Rock Girl on October 10, 2011 at 11:13am
"I am an activist at Occupy Boston. I make a proposal at a General Assembly and I get no response. Right after me, a man gets up and makes the same one. His gets passed. This is a pattern here. Makes me feel belittled, silenced and not welcome in this movement. I am 21." This has totally happened to me in social groups. Someone who is more popular just has more free-floating attention and people evaluate what is said based on the person that said it.
Comment by Prog Rock Girl on October 10, 2011 at 11:08am
In other words, good news everyone!

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