The Nerd

No Lords, No Masters


No Lords, No Masters

Kyriarchy are the structures of domination working together as a network - not just one group dominating another. Its branches include but are not limited to racism, sexism, cissexism, heterosexism, ageism, and ableism.

Members: 58
Latest Activity: Jul 27, 2014

Discussion Forum

Gender, prejudice, aggression, evolution

Started by Ruth Anthony-Gardner. Last reply by The Nerd Jan 25, 2012. 1 Reply


"When I think about the relative size and scope of microaggressions, I can’t help but feel ashamed of..."

“When I think about the relative size and scope of microaggressions, I can’t help but feel ashamed of my inadequate responses. If these are just small offenses, not meant to wound, why can’t I ever manage to shut them down effectively, ensure they aren’t wielded again and again against others?”

- Nicole Chung, in a beautiful essay on the challenges of responding to casual racism, especially in polite company. (via The Toast)

As an openly gay man who grew up in Missouri, I found life to be much easier hiding my sexuality. If...

As an openly gay man who grew up in Missouri, I found life to be much easier hiding my sexuality. If I am asked, I will tell. But frankly, it’s no one’s business but my own. And here is a recent example of why microaggressions lead me to continue to hide who I am.

To “throw shade” is to belittle someone inadvertently through looks, comments, gestures…

Recently at work, I decided to share with a coworker that I am gay. During conversation she made me feel comfortable enough with her to allow her into that part of my life. Although her reaction was with pause (having no idea, she claimed), it was as if our work relationship never changed. Honestly, we’re closer now than ever before, which is great. I started to think that with the passage of marriage equality for the LGBT community, there was a different mindset held by the people of this nation. That we LGBT are equal under the law, and that people recognize that.

Tolerance, however, is a different story.

Within weeks of telling the first coworker that I was gay, it started to come up in conversation. Other people asked, and I wondered how it seemed that everyone had been talking about it.

Now a month has gone by, and the relationships with my coworkers have changed. The other day, a coworker told me in front of other coworkers that he doesn’t agree with gay marriage. That it’s an abomination. That we should have our own “thing”. That marriage by definition is for a man and a woman, so why should gays be able to marry? It doesn’t make sense to him. “Nothing against you,” he says. That, right there, belittles me as a human being. It’s difficult to work at a place where I am told that I am inferior, but what choice do I have? To walk away and let the bullies continue to win? To contact HR with a case of someone throwing shade?

There are certain coworkers who look at me with disgust when no one is around, as if I’ve committed the most heinous act. Every time I’m walking the floor and pass these certain coworkers, I continue to smile and go on about my way as I see them give me a look that only “throwing shade” can describe. I feel as if they are so upset with who I am that I am not even welcome anymore. As if I have offended them by working there and I should not have applied for that job in the first place. I understand that we need to have thicker skin to deal with our problems and that we should hold our head high because we know who we are. But subtly making someone feel inferior is an act of bullying. I am not making myself a victim, the aggressor is. I can understand why the tipping point of racial injustice is turning sideways because the feelings of these “victims” (as some would like to put it) are no longer feeling hurt, they are starting to feel upset and angry. All we are doing is trying to stand up for ourselves against a bully. Doing so in one-on-one settings isn’t helpful or appropriate. It only further allows the bully to know that they have control over our feelings, and we are tired. Taking this to a national stage and letting the world know they exist is the only way to stop the repeated acts of harassment.

Although some argue that teaching about this type of bias will lead to a culture of victims, we are already victims. We have lived with a lifetime of being victimized, and it is nice to finally stand up and call out our aggressors. These aggressors were once called bullies, and people once laughed along with them. Now it seems the people who are upset because we are “victimizing ourselves” are the ones who are continuing to bully us today. I thank you for giving us the ability to speak up and not feel ashamed. These slight aggressions make it more difficult to work and at times even to be in public. I see the looks that people give to more obviously gay people in line at gas stations and convenience stores, and I can only imagine what it must be like for them. That is why I continue to hide my sexuality from others. I am not that strong.

The Microaggressions Project in solidarity with #Baltimore,...

The Microaggressions Project in solidarity with #Baltimore, #Ferguson, and #BlackLivesMatter. As we always say here, the micro only matters because of the macro systems of injustice. 

(Large image link here)

I hate St. Patrick’s Day because of a bad experience I had at about 11 or 12. I was coming...

I hate St. Patrick’s Day because of a bad experience I had at about 11 or 12. I was coming back from a concert a few cities over along with my mom and some friends and Ikea was on our way so we stopped because we didn’t have one near us at the time. It was the 17th and i was not wearing green. All through the busy store random people, primarily adults, kept randomly pinching me. I was well-developed at that age but uncomfortable in my body and it made me feel harassed and unsafe. I believe I actually started crying! Why does it being St. Patty’s Day make it okay to come up and touch stranger’s children?! Plus, half the people I’ve told about this didn’t get why I was upset.

Comment Wall


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Comment by Susan Stanko on July 5, 2011 at 6:28pm
I have an account with them for comments.
Comment by Susan Stanko on June 17, 2011 at 11:14am
I can assure you John that somebody somewhere will call you a woman-blaming misogynist.  Usually, by people who have no clue what misogyny actually is.
Comment by Ian Mason on June 16, 2011 at 12:17pm

Younger children have often copied what they think older children do. There are enough horror stories in the media about eating disorders to stimulate copy-cat behaviour.


The more stable lifestyle suggested may help in combating the development of more serious problems for many, in the spirit of "a stitch in time saves nine", mostly because parents get more involved in their childrens' well-being thus helping them to a reasonable sense of self-worth.


Does any of that make sense to you? I'm not playing down the problem. My daughter had a brush with anorexia some years ago and it frightened the shit out of me. I just feel that careful, considered steps work better than a media panic.

Comment by Prog Rock Girl on June 10, 2011 at 8:48am
I'm gonna go with the dictionary. I see the point about institutionalization, but for individual people this is kind of abstract. It doesn't make any difference in the example of a white kid getting bullied by minorities, because bullying is just as harmful regardless of race. Worse, I could see the bullies thinking the "I can't be racist" idea gives them a free pass.
Comment by Ian Mason on June 10, 2011 at 7:20am

Oxford dictionary: Racist: 1) The belief that each race has certain qualities or abilities, giving rise to the belief that certain races are better than others. 2) discrimination or hostility towards other races.

"Race is a cultural concept, not a scientific one". Gil Grissom.

Comment by Prog Rock Girl on June 9, 2011 at 9:38pm
What happened to the posting on the wall about how minorities are not capable of racism? I thought that would be a good discussion.
Comment by Loren Miller on May 29, 2011 at 5:02am
Because social change needs to overcome social inertia.  Not much different from physical inertia in that regard!
Comment by Ian Mason on May 29, 2011 at 2:27am
Social evolution takes time.
Comment by Prog Rock Girl on May 28, 2011 at 3:12pm
That's a little outdated now that there are few factory jobs and the masses are unemployed.
Comment by Ian Mason on May 28, 2011 at 1:54pm
Skin shades are based on economic structure: in agrarian societies where "the masses" work in the sun, being pale is a sign of wealth. In Western societies where the majority work in factories and offices, often working shift-work, having a tan is a sign of wealth. The expression "blue-blooded" comes from being pale enough that the veins could be seen through the skin.

Just a matter of applying basic Marxism.

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