I find myself expecting certain things from society. It seems I just don't fit into it. Even though my expectations are entirely rational, they are unable to discern how others relate to the game of life within the bounds of their societ(ies). I state how I expect to be treated, yet others are unwilling to offer much help by treating me kindly or accepting the differences of my upbringing, while at the same time insisting I accept theirs.

I have a punishing attitude toward their irrationality, which appears to be very Fundy....gets me into loads of trouble. It's just automatic..like the basis of my outlook overall. I don't know how to get rid of it. Some call me "overbearing" while I call them "coercive".

Anyone else have trouble along these lines?

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Yes, BIG TIME. I'm very very very stubborn and it's a character flaw as far as I'm concerned but it was celebrated as solid faith when I was in the Truman Show. I also have low tolerance for irrationality or what I'd call 'wishy washy'. I've been known to empathize and understand muslim terrorists because at least they have courage of conviction, and I'd always been taught that's what the martyrs were and we REVERED them. I always said 'better to believe in something, anything, strongly, than nothing at all, or something weakly".

I think it takes a long time, if not a lifetime to extricate yourself from the jaws of a cult. The brainwashing runs really really deep. I also happen to believe I was born stubborn and strong willed, and if I'd have been born into any other religion or dogma, I'd have run with it like a dog with a bone just as easily.

I do not fit into society at large AT ALL. I blog about this endlessly and tag it "fitting in" to top it off. LOL
Though I would dislike accepting myself being this way, it's not something I can foresee each time it pops up...it's not something I consciously do, but 20/20 hindsight tells me it happens over and over again, so the question is how to minimize it if it cannot be gotten rid of.
I believe the only way to change one's own behaviour and thoughts is through HABIT. And gentle and constant reminders that you are human, coming out of a cult, and overcoming a lifetime of brainwashing and bad habits.

I ascribe to the 'one day at a time' philosophy of life. I try each day to serve as a GREAT example of what is possible. In fact, it's a game for me sometimes... I pride myself on being kinder, nicer, less judgmental, more 'christlike HAHAHA' than christians. Then I like to sock it to them by saying no, jeebus didn't save me, as a matter of fact, I'm this way because I want to be, because I CHOSE to be.

Just little things in everyday life... I do regular 'positive self talk' to reprogram myself and I surround myself with like minded people. But beating myself up about it doesn't accomplish anything. Just try and be the person you want to be a little bit each day. That's it.


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