Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Aaron on July 30, 2010 at 10:21pm

I can relate despite my situation being slightly different. I was a Fundie up until 6 months ago. Despite my younger sister being an adult, I have been expressly told not to talk to her about her faith or my new found lack thereof by my parents.

It's obvious she is deep in her faith now, but there are things to look for in your sister or her surroundings that can indicate how open-minded she'll become later on. Later on when you'll have more opportunity to ask her tough questions and present knowledge that she hasn't encountered before.

First, does she have a history of open-mindedness or changing opinions? It doesn't necessarily have to be in regards to her faith, but changing opinions or attitudes in response to new facts and evidence is the first sign of healthy critical thinker. Even if she's not questioning now (or at least not giving the impression she has doubts), a pattern of evolving and maturing attitudes is an excellent sign.

Second, I don't mean to insult you or your sister, but how intelligent is she and how confident is she in her own reasoning ability? You're obviously bright and confident enough to pursue a physics degree, so I'm hoping that all the apples fall in close proximity. (Heh-Heh) Too much confidence and not enough smarts obviously leads to more arrogant close-mindedness. And you could have all the intelligence in the world, but if you're unaware of it or too afraid to think for yourself, it will lead to submission to dogma and complacency and she'll lose out on her potential.

Third, does she have any close friends (or boyfriends, lol) that do not share her fundamentalism? I'm not going into the influence of others because it's obvious you are quite familiar with that. The biggest thing for me was seeing other Christians that did not share my fundamentalism. That turned my world upside down and made me more receptive to different opinions.

Forth, does she show any interest in new ideas? Does she actively search out new knowledge from books, the internet, other media or other people? This is kind of a little of the first and little of the second.

I know most of these are like, "well, duh!", but I wanted to point out a few things so that maybe you won't feel so bad about waiting for her to become old enough to be away from her parents and think for herself.

Permalink Reply by Mandie Mc on July 30, 2010 at 10:31pm

I keep trying to tell myself that I came out ok so she's bound to, especially with me around to make her think. She's extremely bright, and also incredibly confident though I don't know about her reasoning abilities. She's so much younger than I am, we didn't spend a lot of time together in her tween years.

I previously thought she was semi-open minded, likely to realize that even if people have different beliefs from hers, that's ok. She loves, respects, and adores me, despite my obvious heathenism, so that's got to be a plus, right?

I just see her getting more and more entwined with her faith, with others who share her beliefs. She has friends/acquaintances who are not quite so intense, but I think she, in the spirit of her dogma, sees them as lost.

"She'll come through it," I keep chanting to myself, but then I know so many adults who have NOT come through it, I worry.

Permalink Reply by hikinthru on July 30, 2010 at 11:54pm

Wow. That sucks. Sorry to be so undiplomatic. I don't know what I'd do if I thought that people I really loved were being indoctrinated into such hateful societies. My foster family that I spent my high school years with are/were very fundamentalist (which is how I got into it--fortunately eventually recovering). But my sister and brother are more a-religious. They're conservative Southerners (I and my family are from Mississippi, although I now live in Vermont) and racist (as most white southerners are), but not really "Christian fundamentalist" like I was in my teens and early twenties. For better or worse your post makes me thankful. I absolutely love my nieces, and they are so intelligent. And despite growing up in the cultures of Texas and Mississippi they are at least not surrounded and influenced by the fundamentalist crap that I was in my teens.

It sounds like you've been doing an admirable job of riding the fence and not being aggressive with de-programming your sister. I think just making sure she knows that alternative views are out there--AND acceptable, will be a great benefit for her. Although she may not realize it, she's very fortunate to have you in her life.

I wish you the best and hope she comes around at some point.

hikinthru

Permalink Reply by Wayne on August 1, 2010 at 1:35am

Be patient, there will come a time when your sister goes to College, at that time, take her to meet some gay people, chat with her, meet her Christian friends and have her meet your Atheist friends/family. It takes time to come to reason after years of brainwashing, and you have to give her time. Maybe she'll never leave her faith, and that's not your fault, but doing this much just might change her.