I am again having doubts about 12 step programs.
I have been in ACoA and Alanon for a year now, but I still feel that they dog me out because instead of relying on Godism I am turning to the groups for support as my "HP"; they said I could do that.
However, when I do that, they turn away from me, claiming that I don't "get" the program or the steps or what "God wants me to do".
They tell me to "put myself out there and give love in order to get it, to give it away to keep it", but I still feel that I give and don't get anyting back or "keep" anything.
I feel that, like churches, 12 step programs are empty promises, asking me to give of myself and promising things in return that neve rhappen.
this is definitely, for me, a loss of community and more disillusionment in my face.
I am now attening online smart recovery meetings and advocating "alanon/acoa" type meetings that do not support the idea of a deity or 12 steps.
or sponsor, either.
Over the weekend I tried to get a sponsor, 2 of them did not email me after insisting that i do so every day. after one email, they never spoke to me again.
then they say, "God wants you to be alone so that you can get to know Him".
I am so sick of people's cryptic, magical thinking when they explain to me what happens to me and why.
someone told me to come back here and bask in more rational ideas.
ty everyone so far for your support.
very sane and to the point.
I came back here and read your replies today.
It is helping me right now.
things keep happening to me in "sixes and sevens" (not twos and threes) and again I have to keep fighting the brainwashing.
all that is available to me are 12 step meetings (chats) and it is hard when I am feeling so vulnerable.