Marmot Day in Alaska
Sarah Palin was sad last year when she wanted to have groundhog day in Alaska, and there were none to be found (The Russians or the Canadians probably stole all the groundhogs; that's what they do). So Sarah Palin has signed marmot day into effect (in lieu of paying property taxes on her cabins).
Most of them are actually asleep now, which is a wise thing to be at this time of year in eagle country if you are brown and everything else is white.
I'm not really sure if that part of the article was talking about marmots or if it was Sarah Palin's take on immigration. I'm just going to assume it's the latter.
The article also notes that marmots are vegans, which I find extremely odd. I have trouble believing that Sarah Palin would give hippie tree-hugging animals their own holiday. There is obviously a conspiracy going down in Alaska.
"The Dude abides"