I don't like crowds either.
I think that is why I try to have a close connection to the earth. I try to learn survival skills like how to start a fire or catch a fish or stay warm on a cold night. The highest respect you can receive is the respect you greedlessly give to yourself. Learn to be a survivor.
Hi Cane, I know this is an old post, but I may be able to help with the feeling of loneliness. It involves attitude; change the attitude and the feelings change. It sounds simple but is actually a very hard thing to accomplish. When a feeling of loneliness occurs, think of quiet contemplation, of solitude, of receiving a gift of quit when living in a chaotic world. It is a time of renewal, of refreshment, of reward.
This is a Buddhist kind of thinking. Welcome the feeling, embrace it, feel "at home" with it. Please let me know if this helps or hurts.
I cant handle crowds either. Often, crowds make me feel more alone than being alone does. Even groups of people that are not big enough to count as crowds, have that effect. If Im doing something purposeful, I don't feel so alone. That can be true in a variety of situations. When I deliver for meals on wheels - a volunteer "job"' I always put on a happy face and voice. I ask people how they are doing and either sympathize or encourage or both. That makes them feel better, which makes me feel better. It's kind of a ping-pong effect. It's nice having people look forward to see me, even though I'm only at each door for a few minutes.
Daniel, I am certain that your "job" serves the needs of others in ways far more valuable than the delivery of food alone; knowing you, being able to serve others in a meaningful way meets your needs as well. There may come a time when you will no longer be physically able to serve Meals on Wheels and you will find something that you can do.
A friend in Spokane found he could no longer deliver meals and he found an idea through the Senior Services of Spokane that empowered him to do as much as he could for as long as he could. It was making phone calls to shut-ins who needed to be contacted on a regular basis. I can't remember if it was a weekly or monthy contact, but he became very fond of his "contacts."
I know from personal experience that you give very compassionate and encouraging influence when I need it.