Column: An apology to Donald Trump, from the 'fake news' media

If, like me, you didn't want to pollute your brain listening to *45 bloviate in Arizona, you can catch the highlights pain free with this satire. Here's an excerpt from Rex Huppe's hilarious "apology".

... this formal apology.

President Trump:

As a fake news media member in good standing, I would like to sincerely apologize for forcing you to hold a campaign rally eight months into your first term as president.

I also showed poor judgment in making you seem almost annoyed that you had to properly denounce the various hate groups that marched in Charlottesville chanting, "Jews will not replace us!"

And I definitely shouldn't have had you say this during the rally: "I hit 'em with neo-Nazi. I hit them with everything. I got the white supremacists, the neo-Nazis. I got them all in there, Let's see. KKK, we have KKK."

That almost made it sound like condemning hate groups made you the victim. Please accept my apology for that bit. 

On two occasions, I lied to you via telepathy and convinced you that the cameras broadcasting your rally had been shut down because the media were too frightened to share your criticism of CNN and other outlets. That was transparently false, particularly since I watched the rally in its entirety on CNN. I'm sorry I made you lie about that. Twice.

Rather than have you refer to Republican Sen. John McCain, a war hero currently battling brain cancer, by name, I took the cowardly and childish path of instructing you to mock and taunt him using the phrase, "One vote away." That was a reference to McCain's deciding vote against your health care bill, which would have repealed Obamacare.

Hearing you screeching, "One vote away!" like an insolent child did not set the presidential tone I hoped it would. It was a terrible decision by me, and I am drowning in my own shame. [emphasis mine]

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Replies to This Discussion

Going from Barack Obama to Donald Trump in terms of their respective styles of verbal erudition is roughly like going from William Shakespeare's Hamlet to a third-grader's first composition, and I am probably insulting the third-grader.  This of course doesn't even get into the level of accuracy each man generally maintained in their statements, general comportment, or integrity.

Donald Trump is a fractal embarrassment, and by "fractal," I mean the usage popularized by Matt Dillahunty, which is to say, at all levels of creation.




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