I find this little pin- pointed in bhuddism despite the heap of dharma and in light that bhuddism does not focus on God at all and if worships Bhudda it is written the Bhudda never recommended it.
Also anything written on meditating/ getting in touch with one's astrale body strikes me as a load of irrelevant Lore -mis-leading almost as a religion for the astrale than any sensible atheist point of departure. Maybe its an unteachable path based on subjective intuitions adding up (as I have found) or Self easily confused with selfishness makes it too dangerous for the masses so yoga people dismiss it as " the Desire" body. Whatever ....thought I would through it out there as I'm disgusted with allnthe bull#@$** in print out there on the subject
I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. If you want to understand meditation, I think you would be best advised to find a good teacher. Having found that teacher, you may need to make a leap of faith - not in anything intangible but to trust the teacher and go where they take you. No gods required and you may find the reward worth having. I detect an element of impatience in your post, perhaps it would be better to focus more on what is enjoyable your life and less on what, for the time being, you cannot have.
I can't believe how much I sound like some tacky astrologer but as a lifelong atheist and sometime successful meditator, that is the best way I can put it.
We shouldn't let the bullshit upset us, just let it go. I know how you feel, I let it get to me.