To kick this off, here's a new one:

Q: Why is it the mentally ill don't send Christmas cards?
A: Because they're too busy on their knees praying.

OK, not marvelous, so I thought I'd invite you guys and gals to think up (collect) some new devilish humor. Bah humbug.

BTW - I'm not dead yet - but the chest pain is a real swine... Fortunately for anyone wondering/worrying, it's wasn't an infarc or a PE. So I just have to put up with it...

Views: 34630

Replies to This Discussion

not a joke, but it seems the appropriate place for it, as i hope it would offend christians (at least the ones that understand what dereliction means ;))
By Dorothy B. Thompson

Fixation with a crucifiction
Is obviously a learned addiction.
It's not just Christian jurisdiction,
Although they try to claim ascription,
Shed blood is common creed affliction.
When concocting dogma it's prefixion,
A finished touch to fine commixion.
I'd never make bizarre prediction
Of theology sans crucifixion.
No one would swallow such constriction.
Non-belief leads right to interdiction.
Bloody crosses do seem contradiction,
But, there's a trick to accepting fiction.
You must consent to brain dereliction.
If not, you'll surely face eviction
From church before the benediction.
Aye, tis pretty good that.
i like that, I should send it to a Christian.
That is rich. LOL
Joseph: Oh great timing, lady! We travel all this way to be counted in a census by the backbiting Romans, and you decide to go into labor now. We haven't even found an inn to register at yet.
Mary: I don't know who is the bigger jack ass, you or this animal I am riding on. I am not made of cast iron, you know. After jostling around on the back of this donkey for 80 miles, of course I'm going to drop this kid now. The sooner the better.
Joseph: Well when it 's all over, just remind yourself of all I have had to put up with. After all, I have never even touched you.
I only know the old but good ones.

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? They fall through the holes in his hands.

When Jesus stays at a hotel he gives the clerk 3 nails and says "can you put me up for the night?"
ha, i'd forgotton the three nails joke...thanks, that made my day.
Yes, that is a priceless one. Sighs.

I rather liked the cartoon of Joe and Mare in bed with the caption: "After God, Joseph was such a let down".

Or something like that.
this isnt really a seasonal joke but it should offend somebody.

a catholic preist and a rabbi were standing outside of a church when a 10 year old boy walks by. the preist turns to the rabbi and says "we should take that boy inside and fuck him!" and the rabbi says "out of what?"
I love the irony!
Just in case you need to offend some Xians in the spring....What was the last thing Jesus said while hanging on the cross? Hey Peter - I can see all the way to your house from up here. (I never said it wasa good one - just guaranteed to offend them!)

What does INRI stand for? I'm nailed right in.
I like offending Xians any chance I get - I just particularly like to do it at their festivals - particularly ones they stole from other people - like Yule.




Update Your Membership :




Nexus on Social Media:


© 2018   Atheist Nexus. All rights reserved. Admin: Richard Haynes.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service