"Texas Creationism: New Bill for 2013, describing his new bill, HB 285, which provides:
"An institution of higher education may not discriminate against or penalize in any manner, especially with regard to employment or academic support, a faculty member or student based on the faculty member’s or student’s conduct of research relating to the theory of intelligent design or other alternate theories of the origination and development of organisms."
~ Bill Zedler
Moran "called the bill a “silly joke” and said firing a biology professor who believes in creationism is not discrimination based on religion, but discrimination based on fact and “stupidity.”
~ Laurence Moran, a professor of biology at the University of Toronto
The thing about hallucinations is now personal they are. It's one thing to talk about their origin in the brain, but the actual experience goes so much further and is more demanding of your psyche than even an expert such as Sacks can understand. I learned a lot from Sacks, but he still wasn't addressing the hallucinations accompanying Night Terrors.
An hallucination accompanying Night Terrors and inspired by PTSD is of a different sort.
An experience in the real world is of one nature. It can be understood, deciphered. It has value or lacks value and the distinguishing between the two can be assessed rationally.
A hallucination ignores all the niceties of and the boundraries inherent in consicous thought. A halluciantion is more real to the the person experiencing it than any event in the 'real world.'
One of the wisest comments on death I've ever heard was from Stephen King. He said:
'Death is when the monsters get you.'
That is still the question I am seeking an answer to:
Why is the hallucination accompanying Night Terrors invariably of an evil presence? Why is the Hag...the Nightmare that sits on your chest and stifles your breath and paralysis you...always Evil?
I can understand and appreciate the work of Oliver Sacks. But it does not address the problem I have experienced since childhood. Why is a Night Terror just another hallucinatory experience that can be explained away in the light of day?
I am currently taking 300 mgs of Trazedone at night to keep these experiences from happening. I cut that down to 150 mgs because I found myself unable to function during the day on the higher dosage.
When I decreased the dosage, the Night Terrors lessened in severity...I can keep myself from waking up screaming and cursing and flaying about...but the dreams have increased.
I continually have nightmares of an alien invasion...a conspiracy of some sort...and I am the only one aware of what is going on....the only one trying to fight back...
There is a tunnel...a log flume or water slide...leading to another place beyond the mountains. On the other side of the mountains is a very structured world...a world of control and abuse...and when I escape back to this world...the real world...I can't convince others of the danger, of the reality of the threat.
Last night they come barrelling into this world. Storms, darkness...alien creatures capturing and enslaving people and killing those who would not yield their minds voluntarily...
I fight back...I learned to fight back as a child, how to kill these creatures who presented themselves as zombies back in my younger days. I've gotten to be quiet adept at killing them one at a time. Last night, I was even taking their weapons from the dead aliens and using them. They are easier to use than the 9mm Glocks and the 12 gauge shotguns I have become accustomed to and they don't require the constant reloading...my dream weapons aren't like the movie versions where they never seem to run out of ammo.
I also found myself killing those humans who weren't willing to fight. This is new and disturbing to me.
I know in my waking hours what these dreams are about. The sublimation of my situation as an atheist in a world full of unthinking, ignorant believers.
But still it makes me afraid to sleep. To know there is a war going on within me and that when I sleep I will be back into the thick of the battle. I could increase my dosage of Trazedone to 300 mgs and deal with the sleepiness and lethargy during the day. Or I could stop my medication altogether and fight it out as I used to as a child.
I have a new P-Doc I'll be seeing next time...but they know so little. I lost my last one by insisting I need a therapist who was an atheist who would treat me using secular methodolgoy exclusively. She said "I don't know any atheist counselors...I don't ask them about their beliefs." I told her I didn't want to waste six months to a year educating a counselor to the point where they would be adequate to treat me. She was quiet upset about this response. She was of the opinion that therapist...no matter what their personal beliefs...could set them aside and treat me. She didn't want to acknowledge the simple fact that only an atheist therapist could address my particular needs.
I've tried, don't get me wrong. I've been to therapists who have all sorts of New Age books on their shelves. Angels and Positive Thinking crap. Why is it, in the US at least, therapy has been subordinated to Licensed Clinical Social Workers with a Master's Degree? What the hell good can they do for me? They have no concept of the problems I am going through.
I am poor. I have been poor all my life and I decided to stay poor. I know that is an outlandish thing to admit. But when I came close to graduating from college I turned away knowing that if I had a degree I would simply become one of the apologists for the wealthy, upper class. I chose, voluntarily, to remain a part of the working class poor rather than sell my soul. Watch Jack Nicholson back in his early days in Five Easy Pieces to get an idea of where I was coming from back then.
What can I tell you, Joan or whoever may still be listening to my rant. I am a peasant with a library card. It's all I ever wanted to be, it's what my heritage forced me to become.
I think, because of this decision, that I can bring something different...a unique perspective...to these discussions. Maybe I'm wrong, but what the fuck. Determinism decrees that such people as myself must exist...those who choose, rather than to fight against their heritage, to embrace it.
I'm fortunate in that, despite living in Kansas, we actually have a pretty great library system where I am. Sure, there are a lot more copies of the Xian books, but they still ordered one of Susan Jacoby's "The Great Agnostic" books the week it came out, they have most everything Dawkins has ever written, etc. It might not be their top priority, but it's there for people who look for it, and that's a reassuring feeling.