How many kids do you plan on having? Since atheists aren't generally rhythm method users, are cool with contraception, etc. we have a lot more choice in the number of children we wish to have (no "leaving it to god" for us!)

I have one child, and for me that's the perfect number. I get so annoyed at the condescending comments I get about this. Often the comments are made by older women (like a generation or two older), MEN whose wives did all the parenting work (again, usually older), or other married women. The top 4 most frequent comments (in order of frequency) are:
1) "Well, you'll change your mind when he's older."
2) "Don't you want him to have a brother (or sister) to play with?"
3) "Once you meet a nice man and settle down you'll feel differently."
4) "No man is going to want to raise your kid if he won't get to have any of his own."

I can't actually decide WHICH is most offensive. I mean, 1 and 3 are patronizing; 3 and 4 assume I'll just cave completely once there's a big strong "Daddy" in the picture; and 2 assumes that the entire purpose of younger siblings is for the amusement of the first-born.

I chose to be a single mom. Pregnancy was unplanned, and I did (under religious and family pressure) marry the father when pregnant, but left when my son was just 6 weeks old. And it's been by far one of the best choices I've ever made. Ethan and I have a great relationship, play together every day, and both have our own interests and hobbies. And especially since he has special needs, I really don't want to be outnumbered. I don't think I'm being selfish by stating that I have finite resources of time, energy, money, and patience, and a 1:1 parent/child ratio seems to be ideal for us.

Anybody else done having more kids? Any other single parents who get pressure to have more? Or if you're not done having kids, when do you think you will be? What's the right size for YOUR family?

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Replies to This Discussion

My wife and I stopped after one.
I've got one also. My wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on December 25th, 2005, so I actually have a GOOD reason to celebrate during the December holiday season:) I'm pretty sure that we will stop with one, especially since our daughter is Autistic.
for purely selfish purposes, we had 3 kids. first two were boys, and I desperately wanted to have a girl. I love all three equally - each is a very special individual, but I have to say, 3 is a lot for me to handle, especially since I started my family late. I'm old, and cranky, and have very little energy or patience for their antics. Maybe I would be a better mother if I only had one, but I don't regret having all three - they bring out the best (and sometimes worst) in me, but most of all, they are the reason why I try to be a better person.

And it is nice to see them play together.
Just the one we've got now, we've thought about two but decided that if we hadn't made up our mind by the time my wife turned 35 we weren't going to have a second...

that birthday came and went, and we're actually quite happy with that decision... my little girl runs us both ragged (she's a very high-energy, smart and willful little almost-3-year-old).

Did I mention I'm done?

We have two...a four year old and a 1 year old. D.O.N.E And it's perfect for us. I have a lot of friends who have a large family and they get TONS of "helpful" comments. I personally like "you know what causes that don't you?"

Family size is a hugely personal choice and I won't begrudge them that choice.

The Duggars however, freak me the F out
Wendy is done. Got it. Memo received :)
Are the Duggars the folks in this picture? I just did a google image search for "family planning" to find a good image for the post and this is what I found
Yep they are the duggars they have 18 kids and the oldest is about to have a kid come October and im sure the mom is not done yet im sure we will hear how she is pregnant with her 19th soon
Hard is right. I don't even care if my son is gay, so grandkids are definitely not something I'm planning now (while he's 3)
I tease my wife all the time by telling her that I hope our daughter is a lesbian. That way I won't have to worry about teen pregnancy, lol.
I make a similar comment but I'm not joking. I am not thrilled with the idea of a man having sex with either of my kids so best case scenario my son would be straight and my daughter gay. Of course my preference has nothing to do with it and I will be happy regardless of their sexuality. I would never let them hear a comment like that from me, but I'm not kidding. A lesbian daughter is a real bonus in my book.
That's awesome! Single parent adoption and gay adoption are both illegal in my state right now :(
Yup, patriarchal polygamy is biblical but the prop 8 crowd never seem to remember that point.




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