Austin Cline describes the abusive situation pretty much as I experienced it. The good news is, the way out is to GET OUT. I found no reasoning, pleading, loving, describing my pain had any effect and in fact made abuse worse.
Ultimately, I had to leave religion behind because I experienced it as mind-binding as my marriage. Leaving marriage and religion and ultimately my extended family was necessary to get out from under notions of obedience, forgiveness, submission, self-loathing, and values taught from the pulpit and lectern.
Once free of these values I had the opportunity to look around to discover what works and what harms thriving. A lot of thinking and talking and exploring and experimenting led to some very interesting and exciting events for me.
I followed the routes of my ancestors as they left Europe and spread from Plymouth,England to Plymouth, Massachusetts, in 1632 and ultimately spread across the USA.
I travelled to 32 nations of the world and talked to women about their lives and found many cultures bound women into submission through religion and the women who found their minds and thoughts did so by thinking for themselves, acting in their own interests even as they treasured their commitment to their children and freedom-from-religion-communities.
My community has changed to a far better, healthier, gentler, happier, more responsible one. Everything I feared did not come about ... g-d would smite me dead, I would become a tramp or some such idiocy, I would burn in hell, that might happen and I am willing to take the risk, I would always be alone and afraid.
RUBISH! None of that happened to me.
The parallels between spousal abuse and deistic abuse are so close that the correlation approaches unity, and are well outlined in the article you cite.
The one operator I didn't see mentioned was that of denial, which again can be seen in both abusive marriages and abusive religion. An abused spouse will at least in the beginning deny that he or she is abused or under duress. In the case of religion, denial goes to the point of the vigorous assertion that their god loves them and supports them, despite obvious evidence to the contrary.
In both cases, we're talking about a tragedy of the first water.
Loren, thank you for the reminder. Denial is a #1 element in the whole sordid mess; and yes,
"In both cases, we're talking about a tragedy of the first water!"
The Abrahamic "god" is also a violently abusive parent. "Our father who art in heaven....lead us not into temptation, etc." What loving human father would do the kinds of things to his children that YHWH is supposed to have done to his "chosen" people? For that matter, what sane parent would make it blatantly obvious that he/she loves one child (tribe), and ignores or despises all the rest?
Another crazy aspect is the "trinity." Three gods in one. That means that Jesus knocked up his own mother, was publicly rude to her on several occasions, and arranged his own non-death (how can an immortal being die?) so that a large part of humanity would admire his silly-ass "martyrdumb," and attempt to emulate it (often taking many innocent lives with them). Some "role model."
No wonder most churches are corrupt. (The butler did NOT do it, he just blew the whistle.)
Some days I think the only thing the "designer" did right, if such a critter did anything at all, was give humans (and other primates) middle fingers.
WOW!! This is a keeper! I am sharing with attribution, OK?
I forgot to add to my comment about the trinity that if Jeebus knocked up that teenaged girl in order to get himself born as a human, doesn't that make him a Mother-F*cker? Literally?
sk8eycat, I guess I shall have to put Depends on my shopping list. You make me laugh so hard I can't hold it.
You have NO idea how happy that makes me! I've wanted to make people laugh all my life....once upon a time I tried to put together a comedy skating routine, but my employer made me stop (wouldn't let me have ice time during the day to work on it)because I was getting bruises and scrapes that our semi-skimpy costumes and stage make-up wouldn't hide.
I have friends who make me think about buying Depends.
I agree with Robert Heinlein in Job: A Comedy of Justice where he opines in a conversation between his protagonist and the devil that the worst part of the lord's prayer is the four-word abjection: "thy will be done." In that deceptively simple statement, the speaker opens him or herself up to either the best or the worst that said deity might conjure. Of course, this is less the goal of a non-existent deity as it is that of the leaders of said deity's church. By the same token, and abusive husband will assert the same right and point to the bible as justification.
The second anyone under the thumb of spouse or church even begins to determine for themselves that THEIR OWN WILL deserves due consideration is when their oppressor, regardless of identity, is in jeopardy of losing their slave.
Ouch! A very different and appropriate translation of Job. I did not think of "thy will be done" in such terms.
This bares repeating:
"The second anyone under the thumb of spouse or church even begins to determine for themselves that THEIR OWN WILL deserves due consideration is when their oppressor, regardless of identity, is in jeopardy of losing their slave."
~ Loren Miller
I don't read fiction because I don't like it. Every once in a while, I am persuaded to read a piece of fiction, I give it a try and most often I am disappointed. I think Heinlein may be one I try. I just read a review of "Job: A comedy of Justice" and it looks interesting.
Joan, if you lived closer to me, it would be my joy to loan you my copy of Job. It is great fun, sarcastic and positively scathing in its exposure of the bigotry of religion and specifically in this case, evangelical christianity.
Please read it and please let me hear your reaction to it after.
The first time I read Job, I really needed some Depends when I got to the part about the rapture, and the heavenly bureaucracy. It was doubly funny to me because when I was in high school, I was a "Jobie." The only reason I joined was because I liked the "costumes."
PS: I've said this in here before, but I shall repeat it because I want people to think about it: (I like to play with words and punctuation) I have been saying for YEARS that "God's will" = god swill.
PPS: I'm currently reading James Patterson's biography of Heinlein...the first part, that ends when he and Ginny got married. Has "Part 2" been published yet?
Just checked Amazon - not yet, but I have Part I as well and have enjoyed it a LOT.