Thought and action, based on reality, on what is, is, gives a proper foundation from which to launch a happy and fulfilling life. 

Start with what is true, real, measurable, touchable, weighable, and emotional. It includes consideration of partners, spouses, children, parents, but the major goal is to be self directed taking your obligations into account. You may want to do a thought/action process about how to manage your obligations  ...  

Think of all the options you can possibly come up with of creating a good life, even winning the lottery  ... 

Cross off all the impossible, improbable, undesirable options  ...  

Consider the remaining options and identify the probable, possible, and preferable  ...  

Do a cost/benefit analysis for each option  ...  

Select the preferable option and develop a plan of action leading from what is, to what you prefer  ... 

Work the plan; if it works, continue; if it doesn't work, try plan B; then plan C; etc. ... 

It is important to be focused as you work the plans, be persistent and flexible. You may change your mind about what you want, and so be flexible; you may change your mind about how you get to your goal, so be flexible; you may have to work for what you want out of life, so be persistent. So the rule is to be absolutely persistent/flexible  ...  

Continue until you get what you want out of life.

Using this process, you prevent feeling victimized, exploited, and manipulated. 

This is an oversimplification of process thinking, but it is the only way I know of to get a meaningful, purposeful, self-directed life. 

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One addendum I would make to the above.  I know it may be controversial with some, but I stand by it:

  • Do NOT be afraid to put yourself FIRST.  You may be the only one who will.

Oh! YES! That is so very important and I fall back into the old thinking of think of others first. that is the first fallacy that keeps us bound. 

I do have to qualify that statement in one event, men and women who create a child/ren. Children have no choice in the matter, moms and pops do. They are to be held accountable and responsible for raising the child or seeing that some kind and loving person does so, even if it is a stranger. 

Thanks, Loren. 

Joan, I won't argue that balancing priorities when children are in the mix is important.  Still, the fact remains that you are giving FROM YOU ... and if you don't have you to give from in the first place, if you're exhausted, tapped out, emotionally drained or otherwise less than ready to give of yourself, the only result that I can see cannot be good. 

Self-maintenance and self-prioritization MUST be a part of this equation, one way or another.




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