Non-Monogamy Showed Me What It Really Means to Be With Someone

Kate Iselin in The Guardian shares a lovely pro-polyamory piece.

Being in an open relationship flies in the face of everything we are brought up to believe about ‘loose’ women being undesirables.

Once I let go of the fears and insecurities I had previously held around relationships, I was granted a fresh perspective on what it meant to be with someone. The more I thought about non­-monogamy, the more it made sense to me: the idea that we might meet someone and decide that we want to be with them and only them for the rest of our lives seemed unrealistic at best, and terrifying at worst.

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Mark Twain, in Letter Eight of his Letters from the Earth, said it well.

[Man] is competent ... for thirty-five years. After fifty his performance is of poor quality, the intervals between are wide, and its satisfactions of no great value to either party; whereas his grandmother is as good as new. .... [Woman] has the high privilege of unlimited adultery all the other days of her life.

[Fairness and justice requires giving] the man one-fiftieth interest in one woman, and the woman a harem.

Polyamory is as freeing as atheism.

My expertise? My wife and I swapped spouses.

Yup... more evidence against a supposed "Intelligent Designer" who mandated monogamy!

I don't remember who I heard this from: "Some people like polyamory because they get to have more sex. Some people like polyamory because they get to have less sex."

(And both might apply to the same person on different days!)

Thanks for sharing that wonderful keeper of an article!

Not everyone can happily extend themselves to imagining their partner with someone else.I can only speak for myself and what works for me....

I see it as an orientation. Some people, free from fears and social pressures, want and need monogamy simply because that's what fits them. (For those who left religion, removing "God Said So" from the equation results in much more freedom to find out what works for you and your partner(s)!)

Non-­monogamy opened my mind as much as it opened my dating life; and no longer is the idea of my partner on a wonderful date with someone who loves them a worst case scenario. 

Suddenly, it’s the best.

(Big grin!)

Marriage for life serves no useful purpose except to get the kids raised and on their own. I have no idea how to sort all this out, but I say, as long as there is no evidence that god exists and as long as there is no evidence that marriage benefits everyone, then the institution of marriage can go in the same black hole as god fell into. 

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